I'm A Survivor

I started the year 2015 feeling free from anger and grudge I've been carrying for far too long. A very spontaneous act and definitely a good start! So, what else have I survived from so far?

GoBald Campaign May 2015 

Trip To Bali 

White Water Rafting - Sabah

Tip Of Borneo, Kudat - Sabah

The Reunion

The Reunion

I Ran

And Ran Again

Trip To Mulu Caves

Pinnacles Climb

The most challenging of all was The Pinnacles Climb. I'm glad I did it now instead of putting it off. Thanks to Abigail. =) 

My travels and activities throughout the year wouldn't have been fun and exciting if not for the friends I have. And of course, my brother-my travel companion. It's been awesome!

I made some friends, let go of a few whom were full of shit and whole lifetime seasons of drama. Too much to handle. 

On the FIRST day I enrolled myself as a gym member, I collapsed, hit my head on the treadmill and screwed up my brand new glasses. Things have changed since. A little.

I'm A Survivor 

Absence

This Is How It Feels Like

Often,
I think of you
Calling you by name
Instead of by respect
That always made you laugh...
My crave for good food
That spicy fish sambal
That semolina payasam
That simple rasam
Will never be satisfied
Not in this lifetime

The puzzle
Will remain unsolved
For you took a piece..
It will remain incomplete
For the whole of this lifetime
For you will not return...

But my life will go on
Longing for you
Every now and then
I miss you more
During this celebration
For the joy
Is not the same without you
The preparation lacks happiness
Lacks laughter
Most importantly, lacks crowd...
It's not only your absence
But it's the absence
Of the entire Family...

Anytime

I worry

It concerns me

the Happy Waters

the flood incident

But it makes sense...

I know now...

Heartbreaking 

Knowing it would kill 

Maybe slowly but surely 

It ain't easy

To let go and accept

To hold on and then move on...

My dearest, 

Remember when we agreed 

it is okay to cry? 

This is not sympathy

This is me,

wanting to be the shoulder 

For You to cry on

Anytime You need one

ANYTIME that is...

♡♡♡ 

~My dearest Hey You, I know You are not taking it well. But I believe You should get a grip and face this. There shouldn't be regrets. ♡♡♡~

For You I Will

For You I Will

It's been rough lately
I've realised
Hence the Happy Waters...

I noticed
The old habit
Intensely immensed
Little did I know...

I've always 

had my doubts 

But I prayed anyway 

For Her, for You

But solely for You...
Just For You...

I hopefully thought
They were being answered
I'm not so sure anymore
I hate to be unsure
When it comes to You...

I'll be the pillar
If You need one
I'll be the grip
For You to hold on
For I know You,
You will never
Ever ask...

Let me, My Dearest
Share Your sorrow
Hold Your tears
Walk hand in hand
And face this together
For
As much as it torments You,
It kills me...


~I suck at making anyone feel better in any situation. Hence, I never bothered to even try. But For You, I will. A gazillion times. If You just let me... ♡♡♡~

Uncertainty

Let There Be Light

That look
Seeping right through
The straight curve
Almost not there
If one choose not to see...

Close distance,
Yet still afar
The longing
Will not cease
Not for now
And maybe, just maybe,
Not ever...

For You are
One of a kind
The kind that
Shower care with quizzes
Outstretch
Without wanting to reach...

That straight curve
Veins the wall
A territorial intrusion
To be or not to be
Is the question
Of uncertainty...

Someone Like You

♡ Yes, YOU did! =) ♡

I saw someone, 

Of your exact resemblance...

Almost jaw-dropping, 

I took another good look...

And I kept looking...

With a sky of hope, 

That it would be you...

That you will turn around, 

And flash that rare smile, 

Offer a hug... 

Little did I know, 

A doppelganger that was...

I know right then, 

I miss you...

Our random chat, 

Of the farm, the toxic duo, 

People, books, relationships
The run, hike, drives,
Coffee and cakes - China House

You knew,
Just what to say, when
Just what to do, when
Just how to, when
Especially when many failed
To even reach out...

I know right then,
There is no one like you,
Even if there is,
Like that doppelganger,
That person can NEVER,
Will NEVER EVER be
My 'Hey You'.

~I know this is way too late. My dearest Hey You, Happy Birthday. I wish you abundance of happiness and less shitty days to deal with. As much as you might cringe at this post, I want you to know - you are indeed a very special person, close to my heart. Missing you~

♡♡♡

How Would I Know?

A False Hope Is A Hope Indeed

How would I know

Of what could be

Of what should have been

Of what will be...

Did it hurt?
Was it as easy as it seems?
Or was it difficult?
Liberation-it is claimed
Only to know
It is not exactly what it seems...
It is way beyond that...

Now,
How would I ever know??
Of what could be
Of what could have been
Of what should be
Of what should have been
Of what would have happened??

Maybe One day,
It will all make sense...
Soon, very soon...
Perhaps...
A false hope is a hope indeed...

Food For The Sick

When I Was A Teapot...

These days...

X : Do you not eat rice?
Me: Not on a daily basis
X: What do you eat then?
Me: Bread, oats, milk, biscuits and stuffs along that line.
X: Makanan orang sakit! (Food for the sick!) What kinda digestive system do you have?
Me: The kind that induce guilt when I consume a proper meal
X: ....

Obviously, I've got an issue. Despite the fact that I'm underweight, I am VERY particular about my body weight. I don't mind losing them, but strict as hell, I should not gain any. I've been named 'Ikan Bilis' and 'Pikok' due to my physique. Though, I gotta admit, I love being called Pikok. =) I get, 'Why do you even bother to work out when you are skinny?' The funny shit is, these remarks usually come from those of bigger physique. I usually reply with a smile, though the bitch in me SILENTLY go 'So that I don't end up like you. Duh!' *Bitch Mode By Default* How I see my physical self differs from the reality. I'm petite but I still see myself as fat. Hence, the runs, work out etc. My friends suspect me of having Anorexia Nervosa. I don't. Okay, maybe I do, just a little. I've been on the 50kg range once upon a time. Ain't a big deal - but being petite, at 50kg, I appear to be a fucking teapot. I'm not a teapot anymore though, thanks to my special digestive system and the workouts. =)

Everyone has inferiority complex. Have you realised how we downgrade ourselves to get assurance from another party? You come up with nasty remarks about yourself just to hear the other person convince you otherwise. Of course, it is absolutely normal to seek for one's opinion of approval. After all, we all want to fit in.

What is totally wrong is when one gives a positive feedback, you deny it by continuously giving nasty remarks about yourself, forcing them to agree. That is shallow. You have an issue, deal with it. You don't force others to see you in a fucked up way like you do.

Don't go blaming on your past, about how anyone saw of you. That's just seeking for sympathy. Even if your self worth has been damaged by their remarks, that doesn't make them right. And you, by all means should be proving them wrong instead of agreeing. On a second thought, you don't have to prove shit. Ignore them for fuck sake. After all, it simply proves the fact that you don't need them, screwing your mind up. Just in case you didn't know, some people live up by screwing other's self value. *Fucking lowlives*

Don't get me wrong. When one comes up with a negative remark, it proves there is room for improvement. So, take it up as a challenge to make yourself better. Besides, there's always a way in telling shit to one's face. That makes the difference between a friend and a fucking lowlife. =)

Touch & Go

~Closed To Touch~

Dear People,

We are not a 'Touch & Go' station for ANYONE to roam their hands on us.

We shall not give in to any form of touch even if it was claimed not to hurt in any way.

We shall not compromise to touch even if it meant to compensate a good deed. 

When a touch is so secretive that it hurts, it is not worth the pain. AT ALL. 

A touch could be harmless but if it does not bring you comfort, brush it off.

Say NO if you do not want to be touched in ANY WAY POSSIBLE. Be it by a friend, a family member, a loved one. If it's against your will, it should STOP. MUST STOP.

We are not written in Braille. So, there is no necessity to touch.

PUT A STOP TO ANY KIND OF TOUCH THAT YOU DO NOT APPROVE. 

Caffeine Connection

~Post Consumption : Shit Was Red. Seriously~ 

A date
Of coffee and cakes
Of high end cafes
and the Old Towns

Moments shared
Sorrows and tears
Fun time celebrations
of successes and birthdays
of breakups and heartbreaks

Perfect mate,
A company to
Flipping scriptures
cruising through the journey

Came the time
I then
Bid farewell
to my lovely dates
though
Just for the time being
I so hope.....

~My dearest Thylage, Pavitra, Eugene, Shyamala, Melanie Ann, Maalini, Girithaara Ramanan, Harivaindran, Sean Huei and all those whom I have dated over a coffee, I miss our coffee moments. TREMENDOUSLY!

♡♡♡

The Surprise

The Memory Of You

A night of excitement
histeric laughs

joy and fun

Intruding random thought 

Ignorantly

I brush it off

A night of excitement 

of supposed surprises or 

The Surprise 

The ring

the tearful voice

A stolen moment... 

Hammering heartbeat 

The world spinning 

Surprise surprise

That damned thought

A reality check 

Ignorance ain't bliss 

for my world, my entire life

is stamped...

Stamped by the surprise 

of your sudden passing... 

~ In remembrance of my loving Grandma~

A Random Hairy Thought

The common questions I'm bombarded with everytime I meet a make-up artist (MA) on any occasion:  

MA(referring to my bushy eyebrows) : Why don't you go for threading? 

MA(Holding herself from getting her hands on my eyebrows) : I can't stand your bushy eyebrows. You should do something about it. 

MA : Hairy legs. Why don't you wax it?

And my answer is always 'Never done anything. Not planning to anyway.' And I get that cringe face in return.

Considering the effort to shave or wax off my bodily and facial hair is a waste of time that I'd rather read or even stare at the four walls. Besides, this shit needs maintenance from time to time, which I just couldn't give two fucks for, moreover spend money on it. Please! =/ 

I actually look up to those who waste their time and money in hair removal. To bear the pain of it. Fuh! =P 

And I Know I'm Not Alone!

(Don't) Shake It Babeh!

(Don't) Shake It Babeh!
Photo credit : www.snapthepix.com

'Yengge poringge?' means 'where are you going?' in Tamil. Being a Malaysian, regardless of whether you are an Indian or not, you would have definitely heard this being said somewhere. If you haven't, well, today you have learned something new then. =/

I admire those whom are eager to learn on languages other than their mother tongue but I am totally against those who makes fun of it on purpose.

I hate it when people try to impersonate speaking in Tamil and say God knows what while shaking their god damned head like the Tanjaoore Doll. For fuck sake, we Indians, don't speak in that manner. How many Indians whom speaks like the doll have you came across with?

And no, I'm not offended if you mispronounce and genuinely try to learn the correct pronunciation. But when you come up with your own words and make fun of the whole language, you piss me off. There's no such thing as 'yenghererere' or anything that sounds similar to it. So, don't come up to me and act smart by speaking rubbish. You'll probably end up getting smacked. *warning*

The tv commercials should just stop coming up with advertisements that potrays Indians speaking in a funny accent. That's just not right. Yes, I admit some Indians do have an accent when they speak but there is no need for exaggeration. We Indians, do not shake our heads when we speak (at least not to the extend that is being potrayed on tv). The recent advertisement for the brand Tumix, is such a turn off. The advertisement featured Adibah Noor speaking in Malay but in an Indian accent, wearing a traditional Indian clothing. I don't even get it. I'm damn sure, if you used a real Indian lady for the ad, she wouldn't have spoken like how Adibah Noor did. =/

If you are genuinely interested in learning Tamil, you can always do it in a proper manner. There is no need to shake your damned head and create some annoying accent. You might end up getting smacked. Looking at the brighter side, getting smacked is better than being slashed with a parang anytime of the day.

What Say You?

Nah, Ambik Kau!

NO, YOU REALLY DON'T IMPRESS ME! 

I was at a restaurant with X, Z and a bunch of other people whom were trying their level best to lure me into a MLM business scheme. This was what happened : 

X (refering to Z) : He is such a simple person, but he earns RM45k monthly. 

Me : So?? 

X : Well, it would be great to earn that much money...

Me : Of course, but you don't have to be that greedy... 

And then, I saw Z snapping his fingers to call the waitress.  

Me : Why does he need to snap his fingers to call the waitress? 

X : To get her attention so that he could place an order? 

Me : He could raise his hand and wave or something. I'm sure she is not blind. There are so many other ways. 

X (snaps his finger and calls the waitress) : See, that's how it's done. 

After a while, X moved over to the table adjacent to mine. Annoyed with the finger snapping, I decided to let X taste his own medicine. I snapped my fingers and called him over. X came over with a frown and an uneasy facial expression. 

Me : That's exactly how she would have felt when you buggers keep snapping your fingers at her. 

X : ..... 

Z : .....

Then, I left. Honestly, RM45k income with rotten respect for others does not impress me AT ALL. Thank you very much.