Monday, July 31, 2017

I Laughed

~Let Go & Let Live~

You know Facebook has got this Shit Memories To Look Back thingy based on the statuses and photos that you have posted? Right.

So, few weeks back, my status was 'Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah' (Today In History), refering to a major heartbreaking event in the year 2003. When this memory popped up, I smirked and burst out laughing, only to realise that exactly 14 years ago, I updated this status being full swing emotional : heartbroken, depressed and fucking angry with myself. Something so emotional once upon a time had now become what I would consider a laughable matter....

I laughed...
At the emotional turmoils I had faced
For the the nights I have cried myself to sleep, 
Putting every possible blame solely on myself...

I laughed...
At my ability to love another whole heartedly 
But self-loathe to the very core of my cells 
Armoring anger as self defense...

I laughed...
For I once believed in always and forever
But now - it's just 'Let's See How It Goes'
I've learned the hard way
Carrying all that grudge for more than a decade
But all it took was a genuine smile and a hug
To let go and let live...

Life and things we deal with are actually very simple. What complicates it is our emotions, how we react and deal with it. I wouldn't claim that I am great in dealing with my emotions but at least I don't self-loathe anymore. Letting go of that grudge has made me live just a little better.

Let's learn to love ourselves just a little bit more. ♡♡♡ 

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

~Journey Of A Thousand Miles~

If You Got It, Just Flaunt It 

Yoga Class

HIIT Gang 

When Rose Indah first suggested to attend Zumba at Angelus Fitness (prior to recommendation from a mutual friend), I didn't think much of it. We both decided to just give it a try. Little did I know, it was a life changing decision.

My very first class was fun. The aura of the class was enough to make you feel the bliss of working out. Of course, being a stiff person, it was abit awkward but man, did I sweat to glory! I enrolled as member, which allows me to use the gym facilities and attend all of the fitness classes.

And today marks the 1st year anniversary. Lame as it sounds, it has been a very personal journey to me. Struggling with my physique for years, I came to a point where I told myself that I will never ever be satisfied even if I was a size zero. Now, I would proudly say, THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR. I have learnt that it is never about being slim or thin. It is about being FIT. You can be slim and petite but if your fitness level is zero, that's just shit.

This post is to thank the family of Zumba, HIIT & Yoga of Angelus Fitness for being the guide for my ever improving fitness. You guys are my inspiration. My days are better with you guys. Always. Thank you, for with you guys, I have found my passion, strength and family. ♡♡♡

HIIT Family

Zumba Family

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Because Of You

High In Defense

Because of You 
A seasoned phrase
To place blame
To immortalize the memories
With barricades high in defense
So high it's impenetrable
Claimed destructive

Decades and distances on
Amidst my crazy world 
The phrase brings 
A whole new perspective 
Because of You
I breathe, I live 
Just a little better 
And that made all the differences.. 

~For the things you do and the way you do it, thank you. Wishing you abundance of happiness. ♡♡♡~

Monday, December 19, 2016

Me Being Me

It's the end of the year. It is that time of the year where I usually go 'I don't know what the hell I've been doing all year long.' But this year is different. The whole year through has been about ME. Just exactly how it should be.

1) The Fitter Me - Enrolled into Angelus Fitness Gym. I've been attending the fitness classes : zumba, HIIT, Yoga and also using the gym facilities prior to the classes. My fitness and physique has improved tremendously. Though there's still a long way to get into shape, I'll get there. I fucking will.

That's What Squats Do To You
Saw What I Did There? ;)

2) Top Female Finisher Me -  Finished first in a 5km run. Nothing great but from not being able to run much to finishing first, I'd say 'Hell Yeah, I fucking did it'

I Ran & I Conquered

3) The Climber Me - I can finally be at peace for completing the Mount Kinabalu climb. The climb is nothing compared to Mulu Pinnacles but it was a great experience. Highly recommended.

4) Explorer Me - I went on a roadtrip to visit the main towns of Sarawak: Sibu, Sarikei, Bintulu, Miri. Explored Gua Niah, Tusan Cliff Beach and much more. A wonderful and eye opening trip.

That Horse though...

5) Cliff Jump - Did cliff jumping (twice) in Krabi. I should have jumped from a higher part of the cliff though. I was too tired to climb. But jumping off Pla Luang (the ship), also twice, felt great. Trip to Krabi was the most anticipated. After a thorough planning and dealing with crap, Shyam and I finally managed to get to Krabi and chill. Yeap, chill was what we did most.

The Most Anticipated Vacation : My Favourite Shot

6) The Girl In Me - Decided to wear a dress for annual dinner. Yeap, a fucking dress. After 16 long years. Just for the fuck of it, I took the trouble to get a dress and obviously a black one that is. And now, it's just lying there in the wardrobe.

All Set For Funeral Dinner

7) The Nape Undercut aka hair tattoo - Had my hair tattoo done just for the fuck of it and also as a little self reminder. My dad is against tattooing, so, yeah, my hair is the closest I could get to do it.


The simplest way I lived my life in the year of 2016 and would do so for many more years to come: Being ME. For all the dramas and crap, I held on to my beliefs, being Me. I believe I know myself better than anyone else. I do what I know is right. I'm schematic in many ways but that's what makes me, ME.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Being Alive

I Live For This

Walked in when I least needed
A significant presence 
Made the beats dance to the rhythm
Sadistic and masochistic 

Flinch through my painful sleepless nights
Even when you left me sore
I smile at the thought of you 
I light up at the mention of your name 
I love the pain I am inflicted with...
Torture and torment

Don't see you the way I do
Don't even like the mention of you 
Don't get the hype of you in me
All they see is 
Addiction and obsession...

I finally managed to execute my thoughts of you. I said finally because many times I have failed miserably. It feels good to think of you all the time. You make me feel alive. 

Friday, September 23, 2016

The Irony of 'I'm Lovin It'

So I asked...

Would you love me?
So She asked
Truly Madly Deeply
So He replied

Would you love me?
So He asked
With all my heart
So She replied

Love Me Would You?
So I asked
A burdening heavy sigh
Just enough for an answer
So My reflection replied...

*Triggered by a wallpaper at McDonald's*

Tuesday, August 02, 2016

What's Left To Share

Sharing is caring, 
they say...
Is it really? 
All I see is..
Sharing is splitting
Everything off anything...

Begins as a whole 
Divided into halves 
Then to a third
Gradually less
And nothing is left 
But desolution...