Goodbye Cutiepie

27 December 2011, 745am - Thashneyvie succumbed to her illness. She was 9.

May her soul rest in peace. Take care dearie! You'll always be remembered!

To Thashneyvie's parents and family, be strong. She's in the arms of the angels now. You have done your best to give her the very best. Take care.

~Hugs~

Are You One Of Them?

Quotes posted on Facebook sometimes make so much of sense. Today, the quote was this :

It's sad when people you KNOW becomes people you KNEW. When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them.

How true!! Such a coincident that yesterday, my friend and I talked about how relationships change in time. Whether it's due to a significant or unknown reasons, somehow, almost all of us would have gone through the situation on the above quote. And we finally came to a conclusion that no matter how many people surrounds you, in the end, you're going to end up all alone.

Looking at my own experiences, I would strongly say that I've lost so many friends due to so many reasons - both significant and unknown. I don't have regrets on this.In fact, I actually learned so much - about people, relationships and the list goes on. Of course, it does make me sad sometimes that things have changed so much and I could have handled them better. But I just had to let certain people go because the bullshit that they bring is just unbelievable.

I could actually make a long list of the people that I have lost but that's just unnecessary. So, this is all I have to say to those who have been there at some point of my life and now being a complete/half stranger :

Thank you for all the things you have done for me. There was some point in my life that you were a significant reason to my happiness. Thank you for making me realize that nothing lasts forever - it was a reality slap indeed. Thank you for putting me into deep shit. If it wasn't for you, I would not have been who I am today. Though over the years, I've thought of reconciling, I know, no matter how much we try to fix things between us, THINGS WILL NEVER EVER BE THE SAME. But remember :

You WERE someone I have truly loved, cared and cherished once (At least this statement wouldn't make you feel all that crappy about yourself)


So, Are You One Of Them??

Confession

*This post is dedicated to both of my creators : Ma & Pa*

There's a significant reason on why I came up with this post. Of course, this doesn't justify for any of my actions nor my sibling's.

I (or shall I say We) grew up in a "Military Camp". YES! I've always described my (our) life as that. I (We) grew up following a routine timetable. From after school hours till we hit the sack. It was strictly to be followed or we were to face the consequences. During those days, Pizza Hut was a place for us to dine and 7-Eleven's Slurpee was an after meal treat. BUT, this would only happen if we were to remember Times Table PERFECTLY. Even one mistake would end us up staying home.

Monthly visits to meet the class teacher was crucial. It was scary but we got used to it. They were too involved in our lives that we never misbehaved much. Ma & Pa always said,"Don't think you can run away from any wrong doings. We know what you guys are doing. We have spies." Its funny when I think about it now because at that time, I actually believed them.

As I(we) became adolescents, things took a turn. We were rebels. Or maybe I was. I had this attitude-ego,rudeness,harshness and all the impoliteness in the world towards Ma. I felt that Ma hated my guts and always complains to dad about my attitude. God knows how many times I made Ma cried. I know, I was such a jackass back then.

Form 6 was crappy as hell. I had fun with my awesome friends. They were God to me. Home was hell. Being home just pissed the shit out of me and I took all the chances I can to stay over at my friend's place whenever I can. For ONE reason : So that I could go out till late night.

Eventually I graduated and got a job. Ma & Pa was the reason for my success. They absolutely are. And I got my brains back as well. I learned to respect Ma. I(We) still had curfew despite the fact that we were above 21. Ma & Pa thought it was necessary. We do break the curfew and faced the consequences. As time passed, we started getting home late. Pa apparently knew the reason but NEVER raised a question. I will not deny the guilt I have always had whenever I got home late.

And today, a confession had to be made. It was for the better. It breaks my heart that we disappointed Pa. It breaks me apart to see him act as if nothing had happened when his world has crashed. It tears me apart to be the cause for his pain. I will have to carry this guilt for the rest of my life because I(We) know that Pa will carry this pain for the rest of his life too. I'm sorry Pa. I'm terribly very sorry for the pain I've(We've) caused.

We have never been the type to show our love to each other but I want Ma & Pa to know that I love you guys dearly. Thank you for being the best. Just remember Pa, you have never failed in any way. You're an awesome dad. Ma, you're awesome too. You have done the best you can and all the mistakes came only from us. Any of my apology will never mend the pain that I've(We've) caused. I'm truly sorry for that.

I(We) Love You, Pa.
I(We) Love You, Ma.

YOU Are The Only Exception

I never thought I would be blogging about YOU, of all people. Of course, I might have did before this but that should have been in general. =)

To think it over, I barely knew YOU. I knew your presence during primary school. We never spoke though YOU were close to someone I know. I remember I had an eye on YOU when I was 12. DAMN RITE! I was 12. =)

We never spoke. Not even a "Hi". BUT, seeing YOU annually was more than enough for me. It never did make a difference but somehow it did. At least to me it did. Your presence itself made me happy. =)

That very short period of time in high school was awesome. Seeing YOU almost every morning was a boost till I left. Those were the days!! =)

Eventually I saw YOU annually again. We never spoke though. Just seeing YOU made me happy. =)

And then, there was the internet. I don't know whether YOU will be able to recall this (knowing YOU, I don't think YOU will), but we spoke quite often in ICQ. YOU used to help me with my lame issues in school back then. Those were the days! =)

Then we lost contact. 2 years gone by and there was no news. One fine day, I got hold of your cell number. Hallelujah!Thanx to my mum for that!!! And I sent a text. And I saw YOU annually again. Somehow I've always wondered why we never spoke in person whenever I see YOU annually. =)

And then eventually, we got to know each other. Not that well but well. Those booze sessions was fun and eye-opening. I got to know YOU more in person. The conversations we had were eye-opening as hell, both good and bad. BUT I would never deny the fact that YOU have always made me laugh or at least smile with your presence. =)

There were so many times when I totally gave up on YOU for being such an asshole but somehow I gave in. Just because YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION!!

Well, here I am, wishing you a Happy & Prosperous Birthday! Thank YOU for making me happy almost all the time. Not everyone is able to do that! =) =)

*If YOU ever happen to read this, check this video out. The girl looks so sweet (to me at least) but too bad I can't intro her to YOU * =)

REMINDER : Only the line "YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION" from this song applies to YOU. None of the rest. Or maybe just some. And NO! This is definitely not what you think it is. =)

Chiquita

Every 18 minutes in the US, someone dies by suicide
Every 19 minutes, some one is left to make sense of it

I heard about you today
and I believe there should be a solid reason for this to have happened

I heard about the judgmental comment
and I have always thought you're a people person

I heard about those stories
and I have always thought it is your personal rights

I heard about those news
And I have always thought you have been taken advantage of

I thought about those working days
How excited I was when I knew you would be there

Your presence made so much difference in the mood
I have always thought you're excellent in what you're doing

I have always thought one would feel better
when you treat with your friendly and cheerful nature

Little did I know this would happen
and again, I believe there should be a solid reason for this to have happened

I wish I could lend my shoulder for you to cry on
just the way I did the first time we met
Even though it was done for a total different purpose

Do get well!!
Please...

Footprints

Taken from Harivaindaran K. Veeriah's Facebook status :

It's been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don't hold grudges. They understand that life is busy and you will ALWAYS love them.

How far true is that???

Once upon a time, I had a gazillion friends (Okay, maybe not! But there were loads of them) My new found friends even asked how I made that much of friends. How I wonder! There's been so many characters and attitudes. Some which pleased me, some which annoy the crap outta me. I've accepted them for who they are as I believe in Individuality.

There was once a best friend.

There was once someone whom I can just spend hours with, WITHOUT ANY CONVERSATION. Absolute truth. It was the presence that mattered the most.

There was once someone whom I was deeply in love with.

There was once someone whom I text with from the moment I get up very early in the morning up till the moment I go to bed past midnight

There was once someone who wrote letters to me everyday.

There was once someone who made me breakfast everyday without fail.

There was once someone whom I can confide in about anything and everything in the world.

There was once someone whom I feel so superbly secured and comfortable with.

There was once someone who always kept me warm.

There was once someone who helped me through depression.

There was once someone whom I spent most of my weekends with.

There was once someone who knows what's been running in my mind without me telling.

There was once someone who made me smile endlessly.

There was once someone who sees me as a woman rather than merely a "kid".

There was once someone who loved me for who I am.

And Finally,

There was once I was very grateful for having ALL OF YOU but...

Now, here I am, wondering, where have all the gazillion friends gone??

There's nothing but footprints left...

~Time Changes People~

In Loving Memory

8th of April

Marks the birth of YOU.

A date that annually reminds me of the birthday card and the multiple pages of letters I wrote 5 years ago to be sent to YOU, only to realize, YOU were already gone by then.

YOU would have turned 26 today.

I'm pretty sure things would have been different with YOU around.

If there's one thing I should cherish and value the most, it would be YOUr letters. No one writes anymore. Not to me, at least.

I'm so sorry for not keeping my promise to YOUr Mum. I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry.

What I thought was a dream, was as real as it seems.

I miss YOU dearly.

Picture taken from http://cakecentral.com/gallery/66013

HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY!!

Prove Me Wrong

*This is my personal point of view based on the types of male I've known and observed* *If at all you're offended, I couldn't care less*

Male Chauvinist Pigs
Males are chauvinist by nature. Being masculine, they think they're better off from the females. Of course, to certain extend they are. But that doesn't give them any rights to be a freaking chauvinist, be bossy and exploit the females.

Playboys
Males are nature born players. It's in their genes.

Sweet Talkers
They sweet talk just to get what ever it is that they want from the female. I'm not denying the fact that the females feel flattered by the sweet talks. Ridiculously, they do fall for those lies. Males have the natural ability to sweet talk the females and sweep them off their feet. And they can come up with pretty good lines too. To the females. when the man sweet talks, he's planning BIG. It's for you to find out. Most of the time, they don't even mean what they've said. Heck, they wouldn't even remember if you bring it up in your next conversation.

"I'm the MAN. I'll pay the bill" type
Males tend to think that when they are out on a date, they are supposed to pay for all the expenses. Cut the crap on "Control macho" and "Male Ego". There's so much more than that. They bother so much on what others would think about them making the females pay. Just because you're out on a date, doesn't mean that you have to have all the expenses covered. Females are not free-loaders.

"Tit for Tat" type
Cheap mentality of the males. I've experienced this personally with most of the males I know. It amazes me how they apply this to various kinds of situation. A simple situation: The female spent about $10 for the male and he insist on spending approximately the same amount for the female, just to return the favor. Amazingly, the male actually said it out that it was just to return the favor of the female spending on him. WTF!!

Advantage seeker/Revengeful
Males always takes advantage of a situation and fires them right back at the females for what ever they have been offended of. When they get dumped, they hold a grudge towards the female and makes it an excuse to ill-treat the next one. They stereotype all the other females as well. They take revenge on the female just by telling off to others about the intimate details they have shared, making the female look cheap.

Unhygienic
I rarely see males with clean, short finger nails. Having long nails is not the problem. But not having clean ones is. Gosh! How do you males eat with those hand?? *Gross*

Many males that I've known don't bother to take care of their own selves. Their skin would be as dry as the Sahara Desert and they will still be reluctant to apply any form of lotion or moisturizer. They bother so much about what others would say about them being feminine. So much for their male ego, their skin gets flaky as the crocodile's skin. Geeez!! Applying self-care products doesn't make you less masculine at all. In fact, it shows that you take good care of yourself and in fact, it brings out more confidence in you.

Clearing throat to the point the whole neighbourhood could hear you! Clear it for yourself. You don't have to announce to the whole neighbourhood!! And please, stop spitting around. Your sputum or phlegm is very contagious. You're probably spreading TB all around. So, STOP !!!

Please, stop digging your nose in public, especially when you drive!! Damn it!!

Clingy type
The males get so clingy and attached to the girlfriend that they forget and ditch their other friends. They tend to set their priority for the relationship ALL THE TIME. Well, that's not the way to do it. Set your priorities RIGHT! In that way, when you get dumped, you will still have your friends around to help you out. Otherwise, you would end up being a lost puppy and eventually you'll turn to alcohol or nicotine addiction. It always turns out that way.

Fuck around but wants/has a steady girlfriend
How naive of the female *sigh* I haven't been enlightened on the logic behind this. It's probably lust and lack of self control. It's wrong however you may want to put it.

Gay
Their sexuality aside. They read a whole lot of books compared to straight males. In fact, I barely know any straight male who actually has a passion for books. They might be slightly socially deprived but they have great communicative ability and intellectual skills. They are much more civilized compared to the straight ones.

Self-Sufficient

A very short conversation between Mum and Me :

Mum : So, you've got a macha for yourself already??

Me : Nope

Mum : There should be someone. Right??

Me : Nope. None.

Mum : We'll see. Soon.

Me (annoyed) : Yeah, sure!

Mum : Already 26. How long do you plan to be single??

Me : For as long as I want and as long as I can. Thank you. *Walk away*

Provoked once again. On the lamest issue of all. What is wrong with everyone?? What is so vital about getting married?? As for me, the sole purpose of marriage is for free sex to continue the generation, adding up on the human population. I've never thought marriage was such a great thing. And NO! Just in case if you're wondering, I'm NOT from a broken family to be against the whole marriage issue. In fact, my parents are happily married for 30 years and still counting. Being in their shoes, I don't blame them for bugging me to get attached. BUT THEN AGAIN... no thanks.

What is so wrong about being self -sufficient?? I have been criticized of being afraid of commitments and failing in it. I was once told that I'll end up being a bitter old woman just because I'm too self-sufficient. One of my trainee even asked whether I am a lesbian. *WTF* I don't see why people have to make such a big fuss over me being self -sufficient. Of course, I'm not denying the fact that sometimes it does get lonely to the bone. But that doesn't mean marriage is the only solution.

I've known people who've gotten married for the wrong reasons. Be it fear of ending up alone for the rest of their life, to avoid having children at later age and marrying the wrong person just because they believe that's the best they can ever find even though the partner is such an asshole. I choose not to add myself into that statistics. No thank you.

It's easy to say "Get one!" or "Start hunting". It's not like I can just go to the departmental store, point to a particular man and tell the sales girl,"Please pack him for me." It doesn't work that way. To become attached with a person, you have to have some common interest. You gotta at least have the same frequency to get it going. It will never work otherwise. Don't give me crappy statements like "Opposites attracts" - physically maybe YES but otherwise- Hell No!

It doesn't bother me that I might end up all alone by myself as I have got the education, a job, my own ride, my collection of books. I'm just yet to get a place of my own and when I do, I'm settled for good. You see, I may just need a companion. Definitely not a husband. I would rather have a pet,which will fill the missing companion. The last thing that I ever need would be a husband or even a pest in the name of a boyfriend. No thanks to that.

I'm comfortable with the life I have now, with no strings attached. I'm not planning to change it except for the part that I would love to live on my own rather than living with my parents. I would have more space on my own that way. In fact, being single is definitely not being selfish. It's all about setting your priorities right and in this case, I'm putting myself first, exactly how it should be.

For all you buggers, QUIT. Seriously. Instead of bugging me to get married or get attached, spend your time on growing plants or something. It might do the world a big favour. Thank you.

Contentment

New year begins...

Dad : I wonder how long will I be alive and I still have one more responsibility to fulfill.

Mum : Can you get yourself a boyfriend??

Random people : You're getting old. When are you getting married??

HERE WE GO AGAIN! *sigh*

New year is all good, except for the dramas mentioned above.

I gotta say, after so many years, I began this new year feeling just content. Being the pessimistic person I am, I barely hope for the best things to come my way. I'm always prepared for the worst. I began the past few years feeling crappy and down in the dumps. Surprisingly, the years turned out rather satisfying. Somehow the birth of this year got me feeling content. I shall see what awaits for this year. >_<

New year was WELL spent: Shopping+Food+Movie+Teddy =)

*Love This Picture*

Dearest TEDDY,
Thank You
YOU MAKE ME SMILE
ALWAYS!
=)