~I Don't Anymore~

Our Airport Shenanigan

Have u had...

Someone who would drive all the way to the airport at midnight just to have coffee & cakes during your flight layovers?  I did...

Someone whom never fails to send bouquets on valentines day just to celebrate love? I did...

Someone who goes all out to purchase the childhood snacks from back then and gift it on your birthday? I did...

Someone who kept purchasing (read : 3 times) customized cat printed mug till the merchant get the colour and your name right? I did...

Someone who will not have it whenever you mention any self deprecating remarks? I did...

Someone who comes up with creative names for every damn thing that seemed to be giving you a hard time? I did...

Someone who gets gifts for you every now and then, that your room/living space screams their name in presence? I did...

Someone whom you can share the most random shit and get a valid self approved reply/response? I did... 

But I don't anymore... 

When ARK passed, all I could think was whether I told him how much he was loved. And I realized I did, via text, Instagram stories, gifts, letters, cards and emails. I guess I get to hold on to that for all my life. 

When ARK passed, I tossed away all my grief aside because of my exams. When my mum asked, I casually told her I will deal with that after my exams. Well, I eventually did but now, two years down the road, I'm still dealing with it. Will I ever get pass that? How do I live with this pain and void without ARK around? Why did I not fight to send ARK off for the last time? I guess I will always ask why for the rest of my life and I might never find the answer. Whenever I come across a funny meme, I still click the share button to send to ARK and then reality strikes... Every time I see a rainbow, I take photographs to send to him and then reality strikes... Every time I spotted a butterfly or moth at home, I thought it was ARK visiting because he believed in such things... Every time I go to the beach, it reminds me of him... Almost everything screams ARK in silence... 

Losing ARK has been the toughest by far to deal with. Tougher than losing Fadzilah, tougher than losing my grandma. Somedays are bearable. Many days are just as hard. Melancholic and poetic at the same time... Not a day goes by without ARK in my mind...