2013 : Journey To Self Discovery

2013 has been a long, long ride. As each month passed, I wondered what the hell have I been doing?? I never got an absolute answer. Well, at least not until I moved to Sarawak. Anyway, this is just a recap of events throughout the year:

1) The year started with a bottle of red wine and obviously a massive hangover the next day. =)
2) A pinch of romance which lead to a dead end
3) Two good friends of mine got their marriages nullified
4) Many other friends got married and continued to breed
5) A reunion + roadtrip
6) The trip to Singapore and Tulipmania
7) Worked, worked and worked even more
8) The monthly makan and movie with awesome friends from LWEH
9) The talks with OSH
10) The first run
11) The Monday dinners with Pitz
12) The arrival of Hey U =P
13) The hangouts, late night convos and booze with those who mattered most
14) The wedding and family matters
15) The accident and the gas tank incident
16) Grandma's sudden passing
17) The job offer
18) The resignation
19) Departure to Sarawak
20) THE REALITY SLAP
21) The first ever football match in stadium

Of course, I will definitely elaborate on that reality slap. Like duh! Yes, I left my super awesome life, family and friends in Penang for a job in Sarawak. A job that I have been applying for the past 5 years without fail. The first month was a living hell. Loneliness struck to the core. NOT A DAY passed without shedding tears. Homesick. I have always believed in 'Alone doesn't mean lonely' but this place has proved me otherwise. When you are ALL ALONE, loneliness will eventually set in. I longed for someone to just ask whether I have eaten or how did the day go? I realised I have taken these little things for granted. I never did respond well to these questions before. It taught me to be grateful for every little blessings. To be grateful for the family and friends I have. To appreciate life's every little luxury. To not take anything, I mean ANYTHING at all for granted. I have learned that when life's comfort is taken away, you just gotta make best use of what's left without being such a baby.

It has been an incredible journey. A journey to self discovery. I am still coping, a little better than before. It's not about the place. It is about the company you have and of course, it is about how you deal with life when shit hits the fan. As much as I hate change, I'm aware it is the only constant thing in life.

I've managed to upload a few pictures here. By the way, the pictures are not chronologically arranged. To all my dearest friends, I miss you guys dearly. I apologize I'm not able to load all our pictures here. Blogging via mobile phone is such a pain in the ass yo!!

To my new-found friends, thank you so much for making me feel at home. It is such a blessing to get to know you guys. May there be more fun for the upcoming year. =)

The Wedding

The Accident

The Farewell Party

Awesome Friends 

The Picnic

Arrival In Kuching

Living Off A Sofabed

The Farewell

The Football Match

My Newfound Friends

Hey U =P

Dearest Hey U,

If at all you are reading this, I'm pretty damn sure you will be having a massive awkward moment. Please don't. Sometimes, it is just difficult to tell someone how much they mean. So, here we go.

Knowing you is a gift (though this post may suggest otherwise). I'll start with a Thank You, for suggesting to join the Eco Run. It meant a great deal for me as I was in 'shutdown' mode for nearly a year. It's amazing how a random gesture actually means a great deal for someone. As I've said before, it's the little things that makes the big difference.

I get it that you take things very seriously. Everything is about winning, you'd say. To be honest, I could never forget the look you gave when I told my SPM results. But sometimes you gotta let loose, honey. Take things as they are. You can't always get what you want. I know that you would beg to differ but hey come on, it really is okay. Not winning something does not make you a big time loser. Of course, it does not hurt to keep winning. =)

It is really okay if you are unwell. There is no need to put up a front that you are doing great when you are not. It's okay if you're feeling a little bit under the weather. Don't stress yourself and make things even worse by acting everything is totally fine. Just because you're unwell, does not mean that you are a weak person in any way. I would totally understand if it is to be positive and shit but then when it comes to you, I doubt so. There's just so much of tension. Loosen up ehh ?? =)

Smile, my dearest Hey U. Okay okay, being someone who frowns for practically 24/7, I
know I'm not the the right person to say this, but hey, do smile. You'll never know, someone might be falling in love with that smile. *lame shit, I know* LOL! But yeah, do smile. For photographs at least. =)

I'll remind you again : I didn't mean it when I said you're not a good person. I was just annoyed at how you handle people sometimes. You shouldn't be doing someone a favor if you're not sincere bout it. That's just wrong. It's a different case if you don't have a choice but to do it. And yeah, you're alright. Or else I wouldn't be talking to you. Muahahaha! Even if you're just trying to be nice to me, I would still say you're a good person, although just a lil' bit rotten.*LOL* Anyway, everyone is rotten in their own ways. So, you are not an exceptional case or some shit.

You will be leaving soon. Knowing you, you'll probably just forget the 'farm' and anything or anyone associated with it. But I will be missing you. Our conversations, the jokes, arguments and sarcastic remarks. All of it. Hey, it's not always that you get to meet someone with brains. By the way, you should let that brain of yours rest sometimes. You just overwork it, man. Don't even try to deny it. I've been watching you, honey. That should be obvious by now. LOL

I'm glad our path crossed. Thank you. =)

And You Wonder Why...

This is an obvious post. No surprise there. If any part of this blogpost offends you in any way, learn from it because as much as it annoys the crap out of me, it annoys most women out there. Period.


1)HORRIBLE English
Gosh!! The horrible English you men come up with. I can just puke multiple times on your face. Please, if you are planning to impress someone or even looking for a date online or through those mobile chat thingy, PLEASE, brush up on your English, especially your spelling. Don't spell "supper" as "sapper" or even "jungle" as "jangle". What the flying fuck?! Seriously!

2)Uncivilised barbarians
 Most men are.Period.

3)Cigarettes
You already stink big time smoking your lungs out. Well, just stop smoking in public. At least, don't litter those fag-ends everywhere. Be civilised.

4)Liars
If you're lying, be smart about it. At least remember your lies so you don't fuck up.

5)Hygiene
Personal hygiene-nails, hair, nose. Please, keep your nails clean. It's so disgusting to see that you actually eat with that hand of yours. My dearest friends, please DON'T clear your throat constantly when you're out with me. It's fucking disgusting. And even if you do it while in the shower, you don't have to do it to the extend that the whole neighbourhood is aware of what you are doing.

6)Titanium
If you're planning to get out of a relationship, man up. Don't just let the other person hanging on without any closure. Go get titanium balls. GO!!!

7)Relationship
If you're not up for it, just don't go for it. There are so many better things to do in life. You've already damaged the men-kind by not being up for it. At least, don't screw it up further.

8)Conversation
W : What's up??
M : Sky, fan, light
Like seriously ?? You can definitely do way better than that.

9)Read
You men rarely read. Why oh Why???????

10)Alcohol
It is not necessary to get drunk. You can always choose to stop at any point of drinking. And if you don't drink, just don't drink. A man who doesn't drink and man enough to tell it is WAY, WAY BETTER than a man who makes a fool out of himself after just a glass of vodka. Go get some titanium. Please.

Now that you've got at least SOME of the answers, you can stop wondering why I'm single...

Go get a life... and titanium for that matter...

Thank you!

Leaping Frog

Being on and off a relationship or even wedlock has become a common thing these days. Let's not even analyze the factors contributing to these issues. I'd rather talk on what happens after that. Yes, provoked, yet again. As always.

This seems to be what happens next : 

Suicide attempts

~ Attempts succeed most of the time. Either one or both dies. End of story. 

Depression

~ Like duh! Cry your heart out for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and even years. Then you feel so sick of being depressed and you decide to give life another chance, only to know that it went down the drain again. And the cycle continues. Of course, the opposite could happen too. You'll live happily ever after. Ohh wait, that will be in your dreams. Nah, just kidding. 

Lost and Clueless

~ You practically have no idea what to do next because even to move to the next room, you practically need a map and you will still get lost. Simple reason : You practically don't function well without your other half due to too much dependence. 

Substance abuse

~ Alcoholism/drug abuse. Short time satisfaction for a long term effect. Eventually it becomes a habit and then life becomes a damn drama. *Singing Amy Whinehouse's Rehab*

Bad mouth
~ Start calling him/her names. Spread the news to everyone. Make yourself the victim. Even if you are one, bad mouthing others is a dirty, cheap trick. Please, grow up. 

Leaping frog 

~ Rebound. Just to fill the void, pain and a little bit of vengeance. Expecting the new comer to replace the former is such a wrong thing to do. Even if it is of mutual feelings. Eventually, shit happens and the cycle goes again. 

Single all the way 

~ Solitude at its peak. Of course! But what the heck. If you have the money, the job, the assets and all the freedom to do all you ever wanted with your life, then let that be it. It's not a must to follow the lame life cycle. And it's not necessary to refrain yourself from giving yourself or perhaps another individual a chance.

The truth is, someone somehow is going to hurt you in some ways. It's whom that's worth the pain that matters.

Life's Tough....And Then You Die

TO ALL MY BELOVEDS,

Things are so not going well for now. It's okay. Shit happens. Just keep holding on. Even if it doesn't help as much. Seek help. Talk it out. You'll feel so much better.

There's nothing embarassing about seeking help. Even if you're a guy. (Let's not even go there). And if you think talking things out will never solve shit, you are absolutely wrong. Apparently, when you talk things out or vent out your frustrations, you will actually feel better. It doesn't really matter if the person you talk to is able to fix your issues or not. When you let it off your chest, you'll feel lighter. By bottling up your issues, you could be halting another person's life. It's called being selfish and that causes even more damage  So, just don't.

Share your issues. In someway, it helps others too.

Here comes the highlight : If at all you talk about your issues and that someone says,"There are so much bigger issues than yours. So many people starve to death, bla bla bla", just fucking bitch slap the person.

When one has an issue, it is big enough for him/her. Don't go comparing the issue with poverty and starvation or even war. That's totally out of the point. Just help. If you can't, the best you could do is just listen. Most of the time, people with issues just want someone to listen. Nothing more.

My dearest beloveds, even if I hit you guys with my sarcasm every little time we talk things out, just remember this : I care. I totally do. Your issues matter to me. All I want is the best for each and every one of you. Perhaps things could be dealt in a different way.

So, take care. Shit happens. Keep holding on.

Well, Life's tough............and then you die.

=)

Never Say Never

I am back to the lowest point of my life. A phase I have once promised myself I will never ever go through again. I guess 'Never Say Never' was created for a fucked up moment like this...

The more I try to fix this mess, the more I feel like I'm trying too hard.

'Let it go'
'It's not worth the pain...it never was, it never will be', the heart says.

Maybe I'm just not willing to, as it would alter everything...
Everything that I have been wanting to have...

I held out my hands and I feel like a beggar...
Just exactly how I felt a very long time ago...and promised myself never to go through this torment again, but

Guess what?

NEVER SAY NEVER!

Figure Of Speech

And she said, "You're a very nice girl."

All I wondered and still do, is WHAT made her say that and WHY??

Apart from the blood taking procedure, we barely know each other at all.

You're very nice

• Is it something so random to be said?
• Could it really be so meaningless?
• Or could it be all the meaning you need?

Sometimes, it takes a stranger to guide you to self discovery

Blame It On The Red Wine Or So They Say

Happy New Year 2013!!!

This is all I have got to say :

My dearest Thylage, you have been and you will always be the best of  everything that has happened to me. And NO, this is not the red wine talking. Thank you for always having my back. And yes, I can still remember your explanation that you gave by referring to your bed sheet. Surprisingly, it really did made sense. I know I make things so complicated at times. But I'm so damn glad that you are always, I repeat, ALWAYS, there to make it simpler. You are indeed the best! Sayang u! Muakz!


Dearest Tuan Hamba, you make me happy. Thank you. For more happy times together *cheers*

Dearest Jay, we had (and I bet we will have more of ) the whole year having all the alcohol we want. It's funny how things turned out to be. Even if we don't have much things to talk about, just remember that you are very close to my heart. I'm always grateful that you have never been the typical Indian brother towards me. Sayang u.


Dearest obsession Eva, you indeed have been the best new year (self) - gift I've ever gotten myself. You been cruising me all around for 4 years now. Thank you and Happy Birthday.

Dearest all my FRIENDS at work, thank you guys for being so wonderful. You guys have been the main reason I look forward to coming to work though I hate my job. You guys make my day. DAILY! :) *Very free Ahh you???* Lol!


What else can I ask to have for this brand new year??? I've got them all. Thank you very much.


Much LOVE,
~Hemz~