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| Sunset From Home |
Today has been especially hard to deal with. Being away from home for far too long does take its toll.
6th August 2021 : I miss mum a little bit more today. Could be due to Grey's Anatomy episodes where Maggie's mum got sick and Maggie tries her very best to help cure the sickness. *sigh*
16th August 2021 : The AC in the office is so damn cold. Takes me back to almost 11 years ago where E always makes an effort to keep me warm everytime I'm feeling cold. As much as I am not a person who's keen on being physical, this simple gesture always warms my heart regardless. I guess it's the little things that count and remains in your memories. Feeling nostalgic, I began reading the conversations from before, and concluded that nothing much has changed since. 😂🤪
29th August 2021 : Mum's birthday today. Sent her a cake and some hearts for her to break. How ironic. Like I have not broken her heart enough already. 🤪 Video called during the cake cutting and shit. It's heartwarming to see her smile and hear her say 'This is my best birthday ever. I'm happy.' She says that every damn year but it's nice to hear her say with that ear to ear smile. Proves a point that effort goes a long way. 🤭🤭 My heart is full just seeing her bright smile.
10th September 2021 : Video called home again today. Mum was yapping away to kingdom come. I did some parading on the deliveries and spoke about random things.
September 2021 by far has been the loneliest ever I felt in the longest time. Nothing much has been going right. Self-satisfaction on anything and everthing has been out the window. I'm so exhausted of making and putting effort where I don't belong. Perhaps, I never did belong here in the first place. How ignorant of me to miss the signs. I tend to forget that if I had lived just fine before certain attachment, I should be able to do the same shit now without it. Maybe I was just making the best out of what was offered by fate. Or maybe I was just dumb as fuck to get too attached. 😅😅 Could this mean that I am slowly making my way back to where it all began? Or is it just a phase of withdrawal I'm going through?
4th November 2021 : The most quiet and low key deepavali I've had by far. Went to work to settle some shit, spent the rest of the day on my own and then went out for dinner & movie at night. Nothing great of a celebration but it was alright nevertheless.
3rd December 2021 : Fucking finally heading home today. Typing this while waiting to board my flight... Oh damn the anxiety and excitement 🤪🤪
Reached home and been home bound for most of the days. Home is more of a warehouse now 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ oh well! Some things just never change. But I spent time with everyone. Laughed my ass off with Lekavathee. Just being home felt surreal and good.
17th December 2021 : Flying back to Kuching today. When I got in the GrabCar, the driver said 'Wah, I can see your father really sayang you. That's very nice.' 😭😭😭 It always feel like it's the last time I'm meeting the family. It's never a 'I'll see them soon.' As they are consumed by age, I guess I'm just preparing myself.
I'm sitting at the airport, waiting to board the plane and crying my ass off. Things will not be the same again. Already missing everyone and everything.
