"You're 25 and you're not married??" That's the exact question a blood donor asked me a few weeks ago. It's not just him. It happens every other time when I attend a wedding- be it a friend's or relative's. All They care is me being 25 and not married. And They kept pestering me to keep hunting, which I have already gave up dinosaurs years ago. Not forgetting the Matchmaking Efforts by a significant friend of mine - Sorry dear! It just don't work out that way..
Marriage is just not in my mind for now and Maybe for a very long time. When my parents started talking about marriage few weeks ago, I laughed my ass off. Honestly, I find it funny as both of them were clueless on how to start the conversation. When Dad finally broke the news, I laughed my azz off as it wasn't what I had expected them to talk about. Eventually I was stopped from laughing all the way and serious conversation started. This is where reality strike badly and made me think so much. In fact, I became slightly paranoid.
The very first thought was "I have to be so much considerate for all the in laws and all the other strangers whom I barely know." With this, I can never be myself. I may have to act. I have to filter every thought and words to be said-which I rarely do in life. Being home, I'm free to speak what's on my mind, even if it's an offending remark, they understand just because they know that's the way I am. Do I actually have to listen to all the others and just follow even though I'm not happy? Or am I suppose to confide in my partner and forever complain about everything that I'm not satisfied with? Only if he's willing to listen. What If he is not??
Will I have the freedom that I have at home?? Will I be able to just go out as I simply pleased? Will I ever be able to just go for a drive just because I feel like it?? Will I be able to go out with my friends for a drink as usual?? Will I be able to just have my privacy for some time?? Will I ever be allowed to meet up with any male friends that I've had all my life?? Do I need permission to do all that due to the new status but at home, I don't ask but only inform.
Cooking is so not my thing at all. I have never bothered to learn cooking and I don't know how to cook. Will they blame my mum for not teaching all her skills?? Am I supposed to force myself to do something that I never had interest in? Even my mum had never forced me to learn cooking.
The conditions I have for the marriage- will it ever last?? Will they force me to change my mind? Will I actually change my mind for them just because I'm forced to?? Will I be enforced into something that I never want to have and be responsible for it??
Will the marriage even last in the first place?? I won't know till I step into one. But, this is not a trial and error session to deal with as it costs my life. This is why I have been ignoring the whole marriage issue as all my questions leads from one to another. And I never seem to get perfect, secured answers for them. And I guess, this very ignorance has made a greater impact on all my insecurities towards marriage, which is why reality strike so badly...
