Today, 2nd of March, marks the third death anniversary of my dearest buddy, Nor Fadzilah Md Hassan aka Badut. To think of it, how time flies! It has been 3 years since the passing and it's still so hard to accept the reality that she's gone.
I've got to know Fadzilah in high school. We got really close throughout random conversations in class and we were practically in the same class up to Form 6,sitting side by side, always on the first front row. We took up music class and hated it to the max, named almost each and every places and not forgetting people in school, with weird names. There was once in Form 2, for Moral subject, I did a plantation project and Fadzilah called my plantation site a "Grave", which is supposed to be mine! We spent of our recess time eating smuggled food from the canteen, sitting on "My Grave", talking about all the things in the world. We even named an ant-hill over a politician just because his name is hilariously funny. We've screamed "Aku ada kat London!!", seeing the leaves from the Neem tree shed.
Even though we met in school every single day, we wrote letters to each other like almost everyday. There's just so many things to talk (write) and share about. Every single letter written by her comes with quotes and proverbs that has helped me all throughout my life. I've been keeping every single letter written by her up till now. Each time I read them, it brings a smile in me, feeling grateful that I have known a great soul, though it was only for a short period of time.
Fadzilah has always been there to cheer me up whenever I was down. For the times I cried over silly things, she was there, just to make fun of the whole thing, making me laugh my ass off. She never talked about any of her family issues as she thinks that it's a way of bringing your own family down. Believe it or not, after being her friend for about 6 years, only then I got to know that her mother is almost partially blind. She was the only child in her family, whom loved her grandmother dearly. The funniest thing is, she calls her father "Tan Tan" which she herself doesn't know why or where she got that name from.
Form 6 was great with Fadzilah and I sitting together, just like how we did the years before. We talked about so many things - about our lower secondary times, her senile grandmother who always waits for the "tongkang"(a big boat) to get downhill, the male species and her all time favourite "Yerembe Tale"(Ant's head in Tamil), which she refers to her neighbour. And yes, she spoke fluent Tamil as she learned it by talking to her neighbour(The Ant's Head).
She was the one to help me to mail S almost daily when my internet modem died. She has always kept her ears open to listen to every single shit that I say, no matter what ever it is about. For all the things she said and done, I can never be thankful enough. We weren't really the smart students while schooling. In fact, we're always the holder of the last 2 positions in class after each and every exam. We just find it funny as we're inseparable. The fact that we were the last in class never bothered us. But, Fadzilah had her own talent in debate. She had represented our school on national level and she even came out on TV. I was so proud of it but she was not as she claimed she looked like a clown due to the heavy blushers on her cheek and it was a public embarassment it seems. *LoLz* That's where her nickname "Badut"(clown) came from.
I can go on and on about all the moments and fun we had. So much of memories to be cherished. For all the happiness she spread around her, for all the times we had spent throughout school years, I am really grateful that she's one of my best buddy. It hurt so much to lose a best friend, without knowing the real cause of death, without knowing what had happened, without being able to say final goodbye for good, and the worst part of all, without even getting to pay the last respect for her, on this very same day, 3 years ago.
But, no matter what, she will always be close to my heart and I've got this written in one of Fadzilah's letters and I would dedicate this to her..
"Sahabat sepertimu seribu di dunia tetapi pekertimu hanya satu..dan dia ialah mu.."
