The Life Giver

I used to say, I've got my own thing ~EVA~ 

Having Eva meant a sense of belonging, independence, privacy and pride. 

My one true obsession, my love, my life giver. Thank you for safe guarding me in various possible ways. 

Blanketed me on cold days 

Guided me when I was lost 

Comforted me in despair 

Stood by, comforting in silence 

You have seen more of me

More of the REAL me

I thank you from the bottom of my heart

For all the times you caught my tears

For all the times you gave me peace

For all the times you made me smile

Most of all, I thank you for giving me LIFE.  

Adios.

💝 

Anytime, All The Time

Happy Birthday, My Love. This birthday, I decided to write a blog post for you. It could have been an email but blogpost seems cooler. 😜😜

~2013~

Now, where and how do I begin our story with?

I can't totally recall on how it was when we first met, besides the fact that you were an intern. The fact that we were schoolmates but never crossed paths is still a mystery to me. But we clicked immediately when we spoke about books. I thought we would lose contact once you were finished with the internship. After all, that's what happened with other trainees. I was totally wrong. Over the years, we have laughed, cried, argued and even gone on mute mode for weeks. Okay, the mute mode was entirely from my side. But nevertheless, we always managed to pick up the pieces along the way. 

From never ending eye-rolls to happy days, we stood by each other and faced everything. The distance was never an issue between us. We made time, we put in our effort and made it work. Fine, I've always managed to maintain and keep my space away from you but that was because I needed it. You know how obsessed I am with my space and life overall. Oh well, moving on...

If there is ONE person who would ONLY want THE BEST IN ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING for me, it would be YOU. I can never thank you enough for that. LITERALLY EVERY DAMN THING. So much so that it is a little disturbing but I know you mean well. 

I thought I'd recap on some of our adventures and see how we have evolved to where we are now. In fact, I'm sure you would really want to know this. 😜

Krabi 

~Krabi, With Love~

After putting up with so much bullshit and drama, we managed to get both our asses to Krabi. Ohh the excitement we had! How we waited for the early flight, how we dipped into the pool without even checking in. The whole trip was an eye opener for both of us. I learned on something in depth regarding anxiety and panic attacks. Something that we needed to talk and discuss about but never did. We understood and dealt with it in our own terms somehow and worked on improving it. 

Kuching 

~Smoking Cold~

The trip you needed the most. To move on and fix all that turmoil and despair was our biggest hope in this trip. I'd say it worked because it gave hope in both of us that things will indeed get better and the most important thing we need to work on above everything else is self-love.  

Sihan Naatkal 

~Our Core Character~

We set our bar so high in this trip. Laughed so much that every damn thing was hilarious for us. I doubt any other future trips will be up to this par. This trip brought us closer and made us believe that life hoes on, no matter what. We just gotta live our lives to the fullest, as much as we can. Everything about this trip cracks me up. Every damn time!!

Daily Talks 

~Flirting Is An Art~

The one and only person to converse using Thalaivar's gif. Regardless of how serious the conversation is, we end up cracking ourselves up with laughter. Sometimes I wonder, how is it that we are able to yap all day, everyday and still not run out of topics to discuss. At times, you try your very best to climb over the walls I've built, trying really hard not to be obvious. But my love, I know. I'm well aware when you do that. Whether it is intentional or not, I know when you are being extra careful with our conversations. I know when you go on some sort of psychoanalysis mode to study everything I say. Don't get me wrong though. I am always looking forward to our deep conversations and thoughts. I don't know that many people whom I can strike up a deep, thought provoking conversation with. It would be one thing that will not change between us. But just remember that I stand firm to 'Some things are better left unknown and not everyone is allowed in every aspect of my life and space, regardless of the intimacy'.

The Dark Side 

~Proximity~

The past 2 years has been a great experience for the both of us. My relapses of mute mode have been driving you nuts, to the point of no return. I totally understand that you only mean well to help me out but I just needed to deal shit on my own. Besides, I choose not to discuss it with anyone at all. Period. I'm always back in one piece though, even if it takes a little longer. Let's just be grateful for that. I know the whole fiasco of my mute mode kills you inside for not being able to help out but my love, that doesn't make you a lousy ass friend. I just need my space and time. 😉😊 

Anytime, All The Time

Since the beginning of days, you have been totally obsessed and possessive towards my well being. How dissaproving you get whenever Kili or EC is mentioned, even if it was just a random thought. Over the years, we've been so clingy towards each other throughout various stages of emotional and mental state. Regardless, I still stand strong to what I've been telling you all these while. I ain't no oxygen. Life hoes on even when I'm not around. You will sail through, putting into thoughts all that we've been through, recalling my eye rolls and my savage, sarcastic replies. But then love, as long as I'm around, this will always be my stand for you : Anytime, All The Time.

I love you. 💝😘

How It All Began...

 Bangkok : New Year 2020 Countdown

I stepped into Year 2020 watching absolutely stunning fireworks in the skies of Bangkok, checking it off my bucketlist. Then I signed up for a couple of spartan races and booked tickets for ACT hike without any second thoughts. Fast forward to March, Covid - 19 took over the limelight. Races got postponed, flights were cancelled and everyone is home bound. 😒😏 

I gotta admit though, that I was very elated when MCO was announced. The significant pause and change in years of routine brought so much differences in the way I have lived. The fact that I did not have to deal with unnecessary toxicity was totally overwhelming. 

While many out there were bored out of their skulls and striving really hard to make ends meet, I made use of all that time indulging in self-care, reading those dense books which I struggled to even begin with and also improved my cooking and baking skills. I had my workout regimes, squeezed in all the time in hands to Netflix and chill. I'd safely say 1 month of MCO gave me peace and rest that I have been wanting and needed so much over the years.  

Then came CMCO, home-quarantine and the new norm, which is obviously not so new anymore. But the whole Covid-19 fiasco gave me the greatest gift of all, FRIENDS.  

Pitz  

Cheers to 20 years and more of pissing each other off with nasty remarks. The one thing I miss being away from you is the ability to just talk about anything and everything under the sun. Thank you Pitz for never judging or even reacting for anything and everything. For being that ONE nasty person I can talk to and laugh my ass off with, thank you. My dearest best friend, at least aku MASIH sayang kat hang. *at least* 💝😘 

Shyam 

I know this year hasn't been great for the both of us in some ways. We sort of fell apart but managed to pick up the pieces along the way. I can never thank you enough for always wanting ONLY THE BEST for me. I totally understand how protective and possesive you are of me and my well being. But love, you gotta let loose sometimes. I have my ways of dealing with shit and the approach changes rapidly in time. Reading too much into it will only drive both of us nuts. Regardless, you will always be close to my heart. Anytime, All The Time. 💝😘 

Fazi   

A year of knowing you Fazi, you have been nothing but a kind and fun person. Coming up with the wittiest and funny remarks, making me speechless and dumbfounded at times, you are certainly someone I cherish wholeheartedly. For all the well-planned ad-hoc camping trips and staycations, you have taught me to be more open to new adventures. For always being understanding in regards of my anxiety during hikes, thank you. Not forgetting all those wonderful shots you take during all our activities. I've finally found someone who can take absolutely awesome photos of me. Thank you Fazi, for making this year an amazing one. 🤗💝 

Aimi 

The exchange of sarcasms, sinister jokes and dissaproval looks is so us. So glad our paths crossed and I'd say you have taught me that working out can be all fun and not necessarily serious. For having simple goals and just trying out new workout regimes has challenged me in various different ways. Ohh not forgetting our kdrama discussions. For once, I have someone I can discuss kdramas in depth without fan-girling on a whole. How we always see characters in relative to issues in the world is something I always look forward to discuss about with. Knowing you is a gift. Always remember that. 💝🤗

Ilyana

Being acquainted to you was the BEST thing that happened this year. How we became close in the shortest time of all is beyond my expectations and understanding. But what I do know is, you, my dearest, is a blessing. For remembering the simplest details of almost everything we spoke about, you impress me. It means a lot that you put into thought about almost everything, from the place we met to my favourite view of a mountain. For making me laugh every single day, thank you. My days are brighter with you though you drive me up the wall sometimes with your unnecessary remarks and assumptions. Will always be grateful for the things you do and the ways you do it. Thank you for a great year, my dearest. 🤗😘💝

Jeyaganesan

My dearest Encik. Your calls are the only thing I always look forward to when a new week kicks in. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever liked long telephone conversations except yours. For genuinely always wanting to know things on my side, thank you. For being the person to always surprise me, I'm grateful. This year has been a bummer to all our plans but let's just hope we can work shit out next year or so, whenever we can coz our list is getting longer 🤭🤭 Cheers to a better year ahead! 💝🤗

Edi  

My Edi. Where shall I start? For claiming to know my 'pattern', trying to lure me into *you know what*, our eye rolling moments, laughing at everything, every time we meet and especially in misleading the world around us, you are one of a kind. I may not agree to many of your thought processes, but hey, whatever floats your boat! *Cheers* Sometimes, we just gotta man up and deal with shit. Regardless of whatever that comes between us, we shall always choose to be a better man. After all, that's what makes us, US. 💝🤗

This year has given me the opportunity to know these kind and amazing souls in depth, in the name of friends. Keeping my sanity in check, these friends of mine have been there, put up and dealt with every single assholic traits of mine. Blessed & Grateful. That I am. 💝🤗 Wishing everyone a better year ahead! 

~Reunited~

~Bangkok Bound~

I almost lost you today...

The thought of not having you
What would I do without you?
How will I cope?
I won't, No.... I can't...
But I may have to...

No! I can't...
I want you back
I need you
I really really do...

I can't do without you
I can't lose you
Not now, not ever (I hope)

For having you
In my arms
Will fill my nights with warmth
Wipe my tears with presence
Console my sorrows with silence
For you, I am grateful
Thank you

1st January 2020 - After a whole day of sightseeing in Bangkok, I got back to the hotel room only to find Buddy missing. Got fucking anxious and ransacked the whole room. Rushed down to the reception and managed to make the receptionist understand that my center of universe was gone.

He made a few calls while I stood there in tears. I was told to get back to the room and wait. I obliged without a word. All I want is Buddy back in my arms. I don't fucking care who took it or why or what... I just want my life back.

I waited for probably the longest 45 minutes of my life. No joke. Crying my ass off, I waited. Then, a knock on the door. Reunited. I got Buddy back. No questions asked. I can't thank the receptionist enough for working his way out. Having Buddy back is enough.

Before checking out from the hotel, I thank the receptionist again for getting Buddy back and all he gave was a smirk. Maybe it's something trivial for him. He saw it as just a soft toy. He doesn't understand the sentiment behind this chaos. This whole situation made me realize that we often look down or judge the smallest thing we view as trivial. Something trivial to us may mean the world to someone. Let's be respectful of other's sentiment and not be an ass, taking things for granted.

Chasing Trifectas & Life Altogether

2019 has been all about chasing Trifectas and life altogether. Initial aim was 2 Trifectas but it escalated to 3 and the cherry on top : a 2nd place podium win for the Spartan Beast Iskandar Puteri.

Spartan Beast Iskandar Puteri

I spent MOST of my time (and money) at the gym and outdoor (hiking, trekking, chasing waterfalls). As much as I refused to compromise on my trainings, I do have a balanced social life and an ever growing circle of FRIENDS : the Durians, the Knights, the Walk In The Park, the Hardcore Kuching Spartan and many more...

the Durians

Knights 

~Walk In The Park~

Despite the number of extreme breakdowns I had this year, I got my shit together and dealt with it. It tested me as a person overall, questioned my quality as a person, and how I should always see the bigger picture of anything and everything there is. I took time and space to regain my sanity and self - peace, risking on losing some pretty significant people but gaining the centre of my universe, for the better.

Centre Of My Universe

At work, apparently my assholic traits have reduced and I'm more understanding. My colleague claimed I smile more and am more approachable. From being bashed on FB for having a sourface (read RBF) back then and now turned to being approachable and understanding is definitely a big change on my side. 😊

A day before Spartan race, I received this text from Zahra.

All I did was encouraged her during the trainings at the gym. Simple deeds goes a long way indeed. My dearest Zahra, thank you for this. Will always keep this close to my heart. 🤗🤗🤗

Dina, started her weightloss journey with my guidance in September 2018. After a year, she has lost almost 36kg and currently sustaining a well balanced, healthy lifestyle. My dearest Dinz, your transformation and will to change should be an example for many out there. Thank you for putting your trust in me and assuring that I can pursue being a fitness coach in future. Just don't shrink further and lose that ass. 😜😜

Take A Chance, Make A Change

I have explored more of Kuching's hidden treasures and did some impressive (or maybe not) life threatening stunts. From trail runs to going through swamps and then camping, only to be hit by high tidal waves was a very memorable experience. It tested my will, my paranoid nature and my OCDs. 😂😂😂 I have no regrets and I would do it all over again. My dearest Fazi, Edi and Walk In The Park Gang, thank you for all the trips and adventures. 😘💝

Me Against The World

Being an avid reader, this year I did rather poorly. I managed to read only 12 books for the whole year. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ But I finally managed to get My Friend Leonard by James Frey, the sequel to A Million Little Pieces. A great read, raw and very thought provoking.

Done with chasing trifectas, I took up boxing lessons. Still a noob at it though. Trying to manage my limbs' orientation is no joke 😅😅. Will get there with more practice, I'm sure. 💪🏼👊🏼

It has been a hell of an achievement this year. Be it my progress in sports or as a person overall. Of course, next year will most probably be about chasing trifectas as well, but hopefully with a well balanced schedule and lifestyle overall. 😁😁

Bangkok : It's A Wrap

Wrapping up 2019 in Bangkok. 💃💃💃 Happy New Year peeps!! 🎉🎊

Never Try, Never Know

Spartan Race was held in Sarawak for the first time on 19th and 20th October 2019.
Although I've participated in a few Spartan Races before, this race is super special and one that is very close to my heart. This time, I participated the Sprint with my family from KnightPTC. I was questioned by many of my friends on why would I choose to run in the open category when I am capable of doing the competitive one. Here's why :

My family from KnightPTC, almost all of them, first timers, signed up for the Spartan Sprint Open. I thought it would be fun to do it together with them since we worked hard, training for the race. And I have no regrets at all.

All of us trained our asses off for the past 3 months. Many started the training regime by not being able to even run ONE round around the block but eventually progressed to completing 10 rounds non-stop. Many started by not being able to do rope climbs, monkey bars, Z-wall but now, they master them like a boss.

Prior to the race, many was skeptical bout their capabilities. They were doubtful whether they can even do any obstacles at all. They were afraid of leeches. They were mindful about the muddy course. Many kept saying they won't be able to do certain obstacles. Many planned to just succumb to doing the burpees without even attempting the obstacles. Nevertheless, they didn't withdraw. They were still willing to participate and race with integrity.

As much as we all had the race jitters, we raced on the eventful day with a huge smile on our faces. We did it with full integrity and we complete it all. And the outcome of it all, priceless. We got a huge sense of accomplishment in being out of our comfort zone. We helped each other, we laughed hard during the race and it was all fun. Some even did the Beast race on the next day.

Shoutout to Yanti and Stephen from KnightPTC, for nurturing us in becoming a better sportsperson. For always motivating and laying things out as it is. For always pushing us further for improvement. For always putting that effort to help us in many ways, especially in being a friend and a coach at the same time. Not everyone can or willing to do that.

To my fellow KnightPTC gang, you guys are amazing. I'm super proud and in total bliss to have run the Sprint course with you guys. It was so much fun. Thank you for not giving up, for trying, and be willing to improve yourselves. I know I kinda push you guys during training sometimes but that's because I know you guys are capable of doing better. There's always room for improvement. Always remember: Never Try, Never Know.

KnightPTC Gang

Post Race 

~34 And Alive~

Looking At The Bright Side

10th September : Apparently it is Suicide Prevention Day. What a total joke. Joke's on me. 😂😂

I turned 34 yesterday. Currently reading My Friend Leonard by James Frey. It's a sequel to A Million Little Pieces. Both the books are totally mind boggling, thought provoking and raw. So raw you literally feel you are bleeding emotion. Every damn flow of thoughts is relatable and deep.

Referring to the book, when James (the author) got a promotion while working at a bar, he bought himself a cake and buried his face in it. I thought that was an absolutely simple but a satisfying deed and decided I should get myself a fucking cake and devour it all by myself. And I did. Though it didn't change a thing about the thoughts of my birthday, I felt good about it. It made me smile. It made me happy.

Why 34 and Alive? Coz that's the bitter truth. I could have died anytime in between my birth up till now but I did not. I survived every fucking thing thrown at me. I survived every emotional turmoil I was put through by dramas, books, people and everyday incidents. Hence, it's a fucking achievement, just to be alive.

Period.

Empty Space

Only You Could Fill This Empty Space

How very fond I am towards you
Even after all these years of silence...

Even when you mock me ruthless

Even when you ridicule my efforts, every single one of them

How very fond I am towards you
Even when you are being toxic

Even when you threw me apart,

I'm left with an empty space for you to fill

How very fond I am towards you
Is something I can't explain in words,
let alone in action.

That empty space will always be vacant. Always.

Overdue

Hopes sky high
Not wanting to let go
There will be
There must be
There should be
A tiny slit, maybe?
What a joke...

Nil...
Nothing permeates through
Stagnant with indifference
Unwillingness, ignorance

Whatever could be
Whatever would be
Whatever should be
Has been long overdue
Long overdue...

I tried.....

~Like A Woman~

You should be using a purse instead of a wallet. Like a woman.
You should be wearing skirts/dresses. Like a woman.
You should be ladylike. Like a woman.
You should get married. Have children. Like a woman.
You should at least try to be flirty. Like a woman.

These are the common remarks I get from people regardless of gender. There had been worse, made me feel like punching the daylights out of them but didn't.

Ladies,

Not using a purse
Not wearing skirts/dresses
Not being ladylike
Not getting the hang of makeups
Not getting married
Not being flirty

DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A WOMAN

As much as people define women based on appearance, physique and lifestyle, there is more to this than meets the eye.

Happy International Women's Day! =)

~2017 : It's A Wrap~

I kicked start the year 2017 in Tuaran, Sabah with Kak Rose's lovely family. Brought back so many fond memories from childhood. It was amazing! The year had rolled in perfect and I'd say I pretty much nailed it. 

Travelled a bit here and there : Siem Reap, Bario, Yogyakarta, Chiang Mai & Chiang Rai.

Smile: Siem Reap

Chiang Mai

Yogyakarta

Hiked Prayer Mountain(Bario), Mount Santubong, Mount Serapi, Mount Jagoi, Bako: Pandan Kecil & Besar, Bengoh Dam.

Bengoh 

Prayer Mountain

My fitness journey has well improved and I participated in 10km & 12km runs, as well as 2 obstacle challenge races : Kuching Tribal Warrior & Great Eastern Viper Challenge.

Kuching Tribal Warrior Challenge

HIIT Family

Special shoutout to my brother Jay & my HIIT instructor Adi for being my inspiration and guidance. I, for once see myself from a positive perspective because of you both. Thank you so much. ♡♡♡

\m/

Participated in Freemarket Kuching. An event I have always wanted to take part and contribute.

FreeMarket Kuching

Syed Azmi =)

If it wasn't for my buddies and family, I wouldn't have achieved all of the above. Thank you for everything peeps. You guys are amazing. This year has been a blast. Let's see what awaits in year 2018. ;)

Hit The Gym

After a year of hitting the gym, I would like to have a say or two, perhaps more.

*Profanity alert* Chances of being offended is high.*VERY HIGH*

Attire

• Wear suitable clothes which are COMFORTABLE and APPROPRIATE. It does not have to be branded. All it has to be is breathable and comfortable for workouts, especially mobility. Some people tend to wear clothes that covers head to toe with the perception of it aids them to perspire more, hence burning more calories. Wherever the hell they got that myth, its utter bullshit. The amount of sweat does not indicate the amount of calorie burn.

Washroom 

• Some gyms have separate cubicles for gents and ladies. Some doesn’t. So, if you are sharing the cubicles, please be considerate to others. 
• Gents, please CLOSE the fucking door. It is there for a reason. And oh, it is totally unnecessary to spray your pee everywhere. Or if you accidentally did, at least fucking clean after that. 
•  Ladies, throw the toilet paper/sanitary pads in the bins provided. That’s practically common sense. 
• And to both genders, if you missed the bin while throwing your rubbish, JUST PICK IT UP and THROW INTO THE BIN!!!! Do not just leave it lying on the damned floor. I can’t brain on why some of you people are being fucking retarded and uncivilized.  

Attending Classes

• If you walk into a class late, SHUT THE FUCK UP and proceed with joining the class. Unnecessary to create havoc with your dumb friends and distract the already ongoing class. 
•  If you are early for your scheduled class but there is an ongoing class, the least you could do if not join in the class is to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Unnecessary to be a nuisance. It’s called being respectful to others. Stop being a fucking uncivilized barbarian.
• Be on time for your fitness classes. Otherwise, refer to the two points above.
• Respect the fitness instructors. Listen to what they have to say and teach instead of being a hooligan in the class. 

Dumbells/barbells and gym equipments 

• If you are done using the dumbells/plates, rerack after use. By rerack, it means, RETURN & ARRANGE them in place accordingly. Don’t prove yourself an asshole by leaving them on the floor or even placing them as you like. Be considerate. Be civilized.
• DO NOT SLAM the plates/dumbells/barbells after use. It will wreck the weights and will definitely wreck the gym floor in time.
•  If you are done with the treadmill/ellipticals/whatever the hell the rest of the equipments are called, fucking wipe your sweat off. Most gyms provide cloth/towel and sanitizers to clean up after use. Use them. If it is not provided, bring your own towel and wipe your goddamned sweat. It’s called simple hygiene practice. 
• If you are at the gym just to hog the equipments with your selfies and videos, just stay home. Don’t be a fucking waste of space. 

Sound effects

• I totally respect the amount of effort and shit you put into your workout. That doesn’t mean you can moan and groan as you like, for the whole world to hear. Those moans and groans are pretty disturbing and distracting, especially if you sound like a fucking wild boar.

Newbies

•  If you are new to the gym just proceed with what’s right and go on with your workouts.
• If you are clueless about using any of the equipment, ask the staffs. They should at least have a basic idea of how all the equipment works.
• Don’t get intimidated at the gym. If at all you caught anyone staring at you, smile or say Hi like a normal human being. 

The wannabes 

• There could be many wannabe instructors at the gym. They are there just to lure the newbies into their fitness scheme. Choose wisely. The gym usually hires certified instructors. All you have to do is ask the reception.

Some people are fucking serious with their fitness journey and can’t afford to waste their precious time. Be considerate. Don't be a selfish prick. 

Dcupcakes Is In Penang!!

Her Favourite Colour

Being the Si Tanggang that I am, I realized my mom's birthday was just 2 days away. Fucking 2 days!! I placed an order with Dina from DCupcakes and was suggested a bouquet. NO EXCUSES of last minute notice and all that crap. She did a hell of a job with my order. My mum was overjoyed to receive the cake and the bouquet. Especially the bouquet. Job well done. 

I'm putting up this post because this order is very special. Things have not been going well recently. I'm just another Si Tanggang. No surprise there. So, yeah. Seeing mum so excited and smiling ear to ear, being all happy warms my heart. The least I could do on her big day. Credit goes to Dina from Dcupcakes, for always doing the best!

Dina, a home maker, has a passion for baking. And she doesn't only bake cakes but customise cupcakes, brownies and cookies(on occasion). She started from the significant Red Velvet and now offers variety of flavours from chocolate, carrot walnuts, strawberry rainbow, vanilla chocolate chips and many more. The best part of all, Dina also caters special request of bouquet and have them delivered to your doorstep on a minimal charge. 

People in Penang, embrace this news: DCupcakes is now based in Minden Heights, Penang. Whatsapp her for details/enquiry. Customise cakes/cupcakes/ brownies. Discuss your ideas with her and she will give the best designs. I've come up with so many ridiculous ideas for cupcakes and she pulled through it all in perfection. The cakes/cupcakes/brownies are to die for. No joke. Delicious and satisfying. I'll let the pictures speak of her amazing work.

The Love For Tulips

Customised Cupcakes 

A Birthday Cake

The One That Got Away 

Game Over 

The aboves are just a few of the orders that I have made with Dina throughout the years since she has started DCupcakes.

Check her profile out and place your orders Facebook :  @dcupcakesmalaysia

Instagram : dina_dcupcakes 

Whatsapp: 0164875561

I Laughed

~Let Go & Let Live~

You know Facebook has got this Shit Memories To Look Back thingy based on the statuses and photos that you have posted? Right.

So, few weeks back, my status was 'Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah' (Today In History), refering to a major heartbreaking event in the year 2003. When this memory popped up, I smirked and burst out laughing, only to realise that exactly 14 years ago, I updated this status being full swing emotional : heartbroken, depressed and fucking angry with myself. Something so emotional once upon a time had now become what I would consider a laughable matter....

I laughed...

At the emotional turmoils I had faced

For the the nights I have cried myself to sleep, 

Putting every possible blame solely on myself...

I laughed...

At my ability to love another whole heartedly 

But self-loathe to the very core of my cells 

Armoring anger as self defense...

I laughed...
For I once believed in always and forever
But now - it's just 'Let's See How It Goes'
I've learned the hard way
Carrying all that grudge for more than a decade
But all it took was a genuine smile and a hug
To let go and let live...

Life and things we deal with are actually very simple. What complicates it is our emotions, how we react and deal with it. I wouldn't claim that I am great in dealing with my emotions but at least I don't self-loathe anymore. Letting go of that grudge has made me live just a little better.

Let's learn to love ourselves just a little bit more. ♡♡♡ 

~Journey Of A Thousand Miles~

If You Got It, Just Flaunt It 

Yoga Class

HIIT Gang 

When Rose Indah first suggested to attend Zumba at Angelus Fitness (prior to recommendation from a mutual friend), I didn't think much of it. We both decided to just give it a try. Little did I know, it was a life changing decision.

My very first class was fun. The aura of the class was enough to make you feel the bliss of working out. Of course, being a stiff person, it was abit awkward but man, did I sweat to glory! I enrolled as member, which allows me to use the gym facilities and attend all of the fitness classes.

And today marks the 1st year anniversary. Lame as it sounds, it has been a very personal journey to me. Struggling with my physique for years, I came to a point where I told myself that I will never ever be satisfied even if I was a size zero. Now, I would proudly say, THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR. I have learnt that it is never about being slim or thin. It is about being FIT. You can be slim and petite but if your fitness level is zero, that's just shit.

This post is to thank the family of Zumba, HIIT & Yoga of Angelus Fitness for being the guide for my ever improving fitness. You guys are my inspiration. My days are better with you guys. Always. Thank you, for with you guys, I have found my passion, strength and family. ♡♡♡

HIIT Family

Zumba Family

Because Of You

High In Defense

Because of You 

A seasoned phrase

To place blame

To immortalize the memories

With barricades high in defense

So high it's impenetrable

Claimed destructive

Decades and distances on

Amidst my crazy world 

The phrase brings 

A whole new perspective 

Because of You

I breathe, I live 

Just a little better 

And that made all the differences.. 

~For the things you do and the way you do it, thank you. Wishing you abundance of happiness. ♡♡♡~

Me Being Me

It's the end of the year. It is that time of the year where I usually go 'I don't know what the hell I've been doing all year long.' But this year is different. The whole year through has been about ME. Just exactly how it should be.

1) The Fitter Me - Enrolled into Angelus Fitness Gym. I've been attending the fitness classes : zumba, HIIT, Yoga and also using the gym facilities prior to the classes. My fitness and physique has improved tremendously. Though there's still a long way to get into shape, I'll get there. I fucking will.

That's What Squats Do To You

Saw What I Did There? ;)

2) Top Female Finisher Me -  Finished first in a 5km run. Nothing great but from not being able to run much to finishing first, I'd say 'Hell Yeah, I fucking did it'

I Ran & I Conquered

3) The Climber Me - I can finally be at peace for completing the Mount Kinabalu climb. The climb is nothing compared to Mulu Pinnacles but it was a great experience. Highly recommended.

4) Explorer Me - I went on a roadtrip to visit the main towns of Sarawak: Sibu, Sarikei, Bintulu, Miri. Explored Gua Niah, Tusan Cliff Beach and much more. A wonderful and eye opening trip.

That Horse though...

5) Cliff Jump - Did cliff jumping (twice) in Krabi. I should have jumped from a higher part of the cliff though. I was too tired to climb. But jumping off Pla Luang (the ship), also twice, felt great. Trip to Krabi was the most anticipated. After a thorough planning and dealing with crap, Shyam and I finally managed to get to Krabi and chill. Yeap, chill was what we did most.

The Most Anticipated Vacation : My Favourite Shot

6) The Girl In Me - Decided to wear a dress for annual dinner. Yeap, a fucking dress. After 16 long years. Just for the fuck of it, I took the trouble to get a dress and obviously a black one that is. And now, it's just lying there in the wardrobe.

All Set For Funeral Dinner

7) The Nape Undercut aka hair tattoo - Had my hair tattoo done just for the fuck of it and also as a little self reminder. My dad is against tattooing, so, yeah, my hair is the closest I could get to do it.

Precious

The simplest way I lived my life in the year of 2016 and would do so for many more years to come: Being ME. For all the dramas and crap, I held on to my beliefs, being Me. I believe I know myself better than anyone else. I do what I know is right. I'm schematic in many ways but that's what makes me, ME.