Overdue

Hopes sky high
Not wanting to let go
There will be
There must be
There should be
A tiny slit, maybe?
What a joke...

Nil...
Nothing permeates through
Stagnant with indifference
Unwillingness, ignorance

Whatever could be
Whatever would be
Whatever should be
Has been long overdue
Long overdue...

I tried.....

~Like A Woman~

You should be using a purse instead of a wallet. Like a woman.
You should be wearing skirts/dresses. Like a woman.
You should be ladylike. Like a woman.
You should get married. Have children. Like a woman.
You should at least try to be flirty. Like a woman.

These are the common remarks I get from people regardless of gender. There had been worse, made me feel like punching the daylights out of them but didn't.

Ladies,

Not using a purse
Not wearing skirts/dresses
Not being ladylike
Not getting the hang of makeups
Not getting married
Not being flirty

DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A WOMAN

As much as people define women based on appearance, physique and lifestyle, there is more to this than meets the eye.

Happy International Women's Day! =)

~2017 : It's A Wrap~

I kicked start the year 2017 in Tuaran, Sabah with Kak Rose's lovely family. Brought back so many fond memories from childhood. It was amazing! The year had rolled in perfect and I'd say I pretty much nailed it. 

Travelled a bit here and there : Siem Reap, Bario, Yogyakarta, Chiang Mai & Chiang Rai.

Smile: Siem Reap

Chiang Mai

Yogyakarta

Hiked Prayer Mountain(Bario), Mount Santubong, Mount Serapi, Mount Jagoi, Bako: Pandan Kecil & Besar, Bengoh Dam.

Bengoh 

Prayer Mountain

My fitness journey has well improved and I participated in 10km & 12km runs, as well as 2 obstacle challenge races : Kuching Tribal Warrior & Great Eastern Viper Challenge.

Kuching Tribal Warrior Challenge

HIIT Family

Special shoutout to my brother Jay & my HIIT instructor Adi for being my inspiration and guidance. I, for once see myself from a positive perspective because of you both. Thank you so much. ♡♡♡

\m/

Participated in Freemarket Kuching. An event I have always wanted to take part and contribute.

FreeMarket Kuching

Syed Azmi =)

If it wasn't for my buddies and family, I wouldn't have achieved all of the above. Thank you for everything peeps. You guys are amazing. This year has been a blast. Let's see what awaits in year 2018. ;)

Hit The Gym

After a year of hitting the gym, I would like to have a say or two, perhaps more.

*Profanity alert* Chances of being offended is high.*VERY HIGH*

Attire

• Wear suitable clothes which are COMFORTABLE and APPROPRIATE. It does not have to be branded. All it has to be is breathable and comfortable for workouts, especially mobility. Some people tend to wear clothes that covers head to toe with the perception of it aids them to perspire more, hence burning more calories. Wherever the hell they got that myth, its utter bullshit. The amount of sweat does not indicate the amount of calorie burn.

Washroom 

• Some gyms have separate cubicles for gents and ladies. Some doesn’t. So, if you are sharing the cubicles, please be considerate to others. 
• Gents, please CLOSE the fucking door. It is there for a reason. And oh, it is totally unnecessary to spray your pee everywhere. Or if you accidentally did, at least fucking clean after that. 
•  Ladies, throw the toilet paper/sanitary pads in the bins provided. That’s practically common sense. 
• And to both genders, if you missed the bin while throwing your rubbish, JUST PICK IT UP and THROW INTO THE BIN!!!! Do not just leave it lying on the damned floor. I can’t brain on why some of you people are being fucking retarded and uncivilized.  

Attending Classes

• If you walk into a class late, SHUT THE FUCK UP and proceed with joining the class. Unnecessary to create havoc with your dumb friends and distract the already ongoing class. 
•  If you are early for your scheduled class but there is an ongoing class, the least you could do if not join in the class is to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Unnecessary to be a nuisance. It’s called being respectful to others. Stop being a fucking uncivilized barbarian.
• Be on time for your fitness classes. Otherwise, refer to the two points above.
• Respect the fitness instructors. Listen to what they have to say and teach instead of being a hooligan in the class. 

Dumbells/barbells and gym equipments 

• If you are done using the dumbells/plates, rerack after use. By rerack, it means, RETURN & ARRANGE them in place accordingly. Don’t prove yourself an asshole by leaving them on the floor or even placing them as you like. Be considerate. Be civilized.
• DO NOT SLAM the plates/dumbells/barbells after use. It will wreck the weights and will definitely wreck the gym floor in time.
•  If you are done with the treadmill/ellipticals/whatever the hell the rest of the equipments are called, fucking wipe your sweat off. Most gyms provide cloth/towel and sanitizers to clean up after use. Use them. If it is not provided, bring your own towel and wipe your goddamned sweat. It’s called simple hygiene practice. 
• If you are at the gym just to hog the equipments with your selfies and videos, just stay home. Don’t be a fucking waste of space. 

Sound effects

• I totally respect the amount of effort and shit you put into your workout. That doesn’t mean you can moan and groan as you like, for the whole world to hear. Those moans and groans are pretty disturbing and distracting, especially if you sound like a fucking wild boar.

Newbies

•  If you are new to the gym just proceed with what’s right and go on with your workouts.
• If you are clueless about using any of the equipment, ask the staffs. They should at least have a basic idea of how all the equipment works.
• Don’t get intimidated at the gym. If at all you caught anyone staring at you, smile or say Hi like a normal human being. 

The wannabes 

• There could be many wannabe instructors at the gym. They are there just to lure the newbies into their fitness scheme. Choose wisely. The gym usually hires certified instructors. All you have to do is ask the reception.

Some people are fucking serious with their fitness journey and can’t afford to waste their precious time. Be considerate. Don't be a selfish prick. 

Dcupcakes Is In Penang!!

Her Favourite Colour

Being the Si Tanggang that I am, I realized my mom's birthday was just 2 days away. Fucking 2 days!! I placed an order with Dina from DCupcakes and was suggested a bouquet. NO EXCUSES of last minute notice and all that crap. She did a hell of a job with my order. My mum was overjoyed to receive the cake and the bouquet. Especially the bouquet. Job well done. 

I'm putting up this post because this order is very special. Things have not been going well recently. I'm just another Si Tanggang. No surprise there. So, yeah. Seeing mum so excited and smiling ear to ear, being all happy warms my heart. The least I could do on her big day. Credit goes to Dina from Dcupcakes, for always doing the best!

Dina, a home maker, has a passion for baking. And she doesn't only bake cakes but customise cupcakes, brownies and cookies(on occasion). She started from the significant Red Velvet and now offers variety of flavours from chocolate, carrot walnuts, strawberry rainbow, vanilla chocolate chips and many more. The best part of all, Dina also caters special request of bouquet and have them delivered to your doorstep on a minimal charge. 

People in Penang, embrace this news: DCupcakes is now based in Minden Heights, Penang. Whatsapp her for details/enquiry. Customise cakes/cupcakes/ brownies. Discuss your ideas with her and she will give the best designs. I've come up with so many ridiculous ideas for cupcakes and she pulled through it all in perfection. The cakes/cupcakes/brownies are to die for. No joke. Delicious and satisfying. I'll let the pictures speak of her amazing work.

The Love For Tulips

Customised Cupcakes 

A Birthday Cake

The One That Got Away 

Game Over 

The aboves are just a few of the orders that I have made with Dina throughout the years since she has started DCupcakes.

Check her profile out and place your orders Facebook :  @dcupcakesmalaysia

Instagram : dina_dcupcakes 

Whatsapp: 0164875561

I Laughed

~Let Go & Let Live~

You know Facebook has got this Shit Memories To Look Back thingy based on the statuses and photos that you have posted? Right.

So, few weeks back, my status was 'Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah' (Today In History), refering to a major heartbreaking event in the year 2003. When this memory popped up, I smirked and burst out laughing, only to realise that exactly 14 years ago, I updated this status being full swing emotional : heartbroken, depressed and fucking angry with myself. Something so emotional once upon a time had now become what I would consider a laughable matter....

I laughed...

At the emotional turmoils I had faced

For the the nights I have cried myself to sleep, 

Putting every possible blame solely on myself...

I laughed...

At my ability to love another whole heartedly 

But self-loathe to the very core of my cells 

Armoring anger as self defense...

I laughed...
For I once believed in always and forever
But now - it's just 'Let's See How It Goes'
I've learned the hard way
Carrying all that grudge for more than a decade
But all it took was a genuine smile and a hug
To let go and let live...

Life and things we deal with are actually very simple. What complicates it is our emotions, how we react and deal with it. I wouldn't claim that I am great in dealing with my emotions but at least I don't self-loathe anymore. Letting go of that grudge has made me live just a little better.

Let's learn to love ourselves just a little bit more. ♡♡♡ 

~Journey Of A Thousand Miles~

If You Got It, Just Flaunt It 

Yoga Class

HIIT Gang 

When Rose Indah first suggested to attend Zumba at Angelus Fitness (prior to recommendation from a mutual friend), I didn't think much of it. We both decided to just give it a try. Little did I know, it was a life changing decision.

My very first class was fun. The aura of the class was enough to make you feel the bliss of working out. Of course, being a stiff person, it was abit awkward but man, did I sweat to glory! I enrolled as member, which allows me to use the gym facilities and attend all of the fitness classes.

And today marks the 1st year anniversary. Lame as it sounds, it has been a very personal journey to me. Struggling with my physique for years, I came to a point where I told myself that I will never ever be satisfied even if I was a size zero. Now, I would proudly say, THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR. I have learnt that it is never about being slim or thin. It is about being FIT. You can be slim and petite but if your fitness level is zero, that's just shit.

This post is to thank the family of Zumba, HIIT & Yoga of Angelus Fitness for being the guide for my ever improving fitness. You guys are my inspiration. My days are better with you guys. Always. Thank you, for with you guys, I have found my passion, strength and family. ♡♡♡

HIIT Family

Zumba Family

Because Of You

High In Defense

Because of You 

A seasoned phrase

To place blame

To immortalize the memories

With barricades high in defense

So high it's impenetrable

Claimed destructive

Decades and distances on

Amidst my crazy world 

The phrase brings 

A whole new perspective 

Because of You

I breathe, I live 

Just a little better 

And that made all the differences.. 

~For the things you do and the way you do it, thank you. Wishing you abundance of happiness. ♡♡♡~

Me Being Me

It's the end of the year. It is that time of the year where I usually go 'I don't know what the hell I've been doing all year long.' But this year is different. The whole year through has been about ME. Just exactly how it should be.

1) The Fitter Me - Enrolled into Angelus Fitness Gym. I've been attending the fitness classes : zumba, HIIT, Yoga and also using the gym facilities prior to the classes. My fitness and physique has improved tremendously. Though there's still a long way to get into shape, I'll get there. I fucking will.

That's What Squats Do To You

Saw What I Did There? ;)

2) Top Female Finisher Me -  Finished first in a 5km run. Nothing great but from not being able to run much to finishing first, I'd say 'Hell Yeah, I fucking did it'

I Ran & I Conquered

3) The Climber Me - I can finally be at peace for completing the Mount Kinabalu climb. The climb is nothing compared to Mulu Pinnacles but it was a great experience. Highly recommended.

4) Explorer Me - I went on a roadtrip to visit the main towns of Sarawak: Sibu, Sarikei, Bintulu, Miri. Explored Gua Niah, Tusan Cliff Beach and much more. A wonderful and eye opening trip.

That Horse though...

5) Cliff Jump - Did cliff jumping (twice) in Krabi. I should have jumped from a higher part of the cliff though. I was too tired to climb. But jumping off Pla Luang (the ship), also twice, felt great. Trip to Krabi was the most anticipated. After a thorough planning and dealing with crap, Shyam and I finally managed to get to Krabi and chill. Yeap, chill was what we did most.

The Most Anticipated Vacation : My Favourite Shot

6) The Girl In Me - Decided to wear a dress for annual dinner. Yeap, a fucking dress. After 16 long years. Just for the fuck of it, I took the trouble to get a dress and obviously a black one that is. And now, it's just lying there in the wardrobe.

All Set For Funeral Dinner

7) The Nape Undercut aka hair tattoo - Had my hair tattoo done just for the fuck of it and also as a little self reminder. My dad is against tattooing, so, yeah, my hair is the closest I could get to do it.

Precious

The simplest way I lived my life in the year of 2016 and would do so for many more years to come: Being ME. For all the dramas and crap, I held on to my beliefs, being Me. I believe I know myself better than anyone else. I do what I know is right. I'm schematic in many ways but that's what makes me, ME.

Being Alive

I Live For This

You 

Walked in when I least needed

A significant presence 

Made the beats dance to the rhythm

Sadistic and masochistic 

I

Flinch through my painful sleepless nights

Even when you left me sore

I smile at the thought of you 

I light up at the mention of your name 

I love the pain I am inflicted with...

Torture and torment

They 

Don't see you the way I do

Don't even like the mention of you 

Don't get the hype of you in me

All they see is 

Addiction and obsession...

I finally managed to execute my thoughts of you. I said finally because many times I have failed miserably. It feels good to think of you all the time. You make me feel alive. 

The Irony of 'I'm Lovin It'

So I asked...

Would you love me?
So She asked
Truly Madly Deeply
So He replied

Would you love me?
So He asked
With all my heart
So She replied

Love Me Would You?
So I asked
A burdening heavy sigh
Just enough for an answer
So My reflection replied...

*Triggered by a wallpaper at McDonald's*

What's Left To Share

Sharing is caring, 

they say...

Is it really? 

All I see is..

Sharing is splitting

Everything off anything...

Begins as a whole 

Divided into halves 

Then to a third

Gradually less

And nothing is left 

But desolution... 

Embracing Motherhood

Happy Mother's Day!! Yeay!*clap*clap*clap* Okay, moving on...

Dear mothers,

a) Nobody gives a fuck about your child's potty training routines. Keep that shit to yourself.

b) Unless you need to raise fund for your child, there is definitely no fucking reason to announce to the world that your child is sick. Get the child to the nearest paediatrician or some shit before it dies.

c) It is unnecessary to shove the camera to the child's face all the time in the name of 'every moment is precious'

d) Also absolutely unnecessary to post repeats of pictures that does not show ANY significant difference. Like what are you trying to prove???

Of course, it is your wish to post shit on social media. But when you overdo it, it turns out to be an eyesore. Seriously. Yes, I've unfollowed you and your potty training routines. I can't just sit and watch you ruin the child's life.

For those embracing motherhood in style, thank you for not being lame. I wouldn't worry about the child's future for you are a very civilised person. Yeay to Mommies like you!

This Is How It Feels Like. Every Fucking Time

You Deserve This!

My Dearest Shyamala Murugesan,

Thank You for all the times you have stood by me...
For the days I've mocked you,
To the days I've ignored you throughout your dramas...
I'm sorry for being the bitch that I am...
For not giving a fuck sometimes or probably most of the times...
That's Just ME
You should have known that by now...

But Babe,
Just remember that
As much as I am who I am at most times,
I look up to you, love you as I have told you so...
Thank you for the times you accompany me during the bad times at work...
During the bad times I have to deal with my assholic friends...
And during the moments I can barely breathe...
For a friend as such is rarely to be found...
I am glad our path crossed...
I love you, babe...
TRULY!
♡♡♡

I'm A Survivor

I started the year 2015 feeling free from anger and grudge I've been carrying for far too long. A very spontaneous act and definitely a good start! So, what else have I survived from so far?

GoBald Campaign May 2015 

Trip To Bali 

White Water Rafting - Sabah

Tip Of Borneo, Kudat - Sabah

The Reunion

The Reunion

I Ran

And Ran Again

Trip To Mulu Caves

Pinnacles Climb

The most challenging of all was The Pinnacles Climb. I'm glad I did it now instead of putting it off. Thanks to Abigail. =) 

My travels and activities throughout the year wouldn't have been fun and exciting if not for the friends I have. And of course, my brother-my travel companion. It's been awesome!

I made some friends, let go of a few whom were full of shit and whole lifetime seasons of drama. Too much to handle. 

On the FIRST day I enrolled myself as a gym member, I collapsed, hit my head on the treadmill and screwed up my brand new glasses. Things have changed since. A little.

I'm A Survivor