This Is For You

Graduates

Congratulations dearest Thylage for your graduation on 20th April 2009. Finally, it's all done!!
Today's post is going to be all about Thylage.

I've known Thylage all my life. We grew up together. The very 1st time I saw her, she was wearing a farqing ugly PINK sweater. I was practically about 5 years of age. We had a great childhood which we think that none of our younger siblings or other cousins will ever have. We spent most of our time playing Barbie, Masak-masak, Acilot Duduk, Acilot Sembunyi, Bola Cabak, Guli and too many other games. Our evenings were always spent with Granpa, where we would comb his partially bald head and then walk hand-in-hand with Araz(My Bro) to Ah Choo Aunty's shop to get our ice - creams, Umbrella - shaped Chocolate and Mamee. Though my dad didn't like us eating those junks, we always manage to get it somehow because Granpa said "They're kids still, let them be happy" =) =)

When we started schooling, Thylage moved out. We didnt really spent much time together but once the school holidays starts, you can already see her at my place on the very same day the school ended. =P So, our school holidays were spent as usual, playing, playing, playing and playing. And we never missed a day without going to the beach. The beach was our hang out spot. We made fun of all the rubbish we found at the beach, had fun poking the dead jellyfish and creating "tanah runtuh"(landslides). And we still do wish we could live our childhood again and again as we had so much fun.

As we grow, we taught each other. We learn things together. We went shopping together. We always had the very same thing. There's nothing that I have, that Thylage doesn't have. and there's nothing that Thylage has that I don't. We wore the same bloody clothes everywhere we went. People even questioned whether we were twins. It was all fun. And we do practice the same thing up to now. Whenever I buy any clothes, I make sure I'll get 2 of it. One for me and the other for her.

It wasn't all happiness though. As we grew, she became an irritating ass for me. Don't ask why. It just turned out to be like that. Somehow, I grew out of it. And we clicked again, after we started using the Internet. We chat everyday and things are like how it used to be back then. We talk and share about every single thing we think about. The best part, we think alike too. When we're going out, we end up wearing the same thing,without planning. And once, a psycho manager from TGIF asked, "Did you both planned to wear the same thing??" *LoLz*

Thylage is an outspoken introvert. She listens most of the time. She rarely gives comments unless you ask her to. She helped and guided me through my depression period. She's always been there. We did have our arguments, ups and downs but we somehow manage to solve it by our own. She was once a person I hate to the max but now, She's someone I prioritize the most in my life. She's the best of all!! Irreplaceble!

Congratulations again, Thylage!! I'm very proud of you!! For all the moments we shared,laughed and cried about, and for the upcoming days, *CHEERS*

Love you Loads! Muakz!



Thylage & Me At Teluk Bahang Dam


Thylage & Me In Saree


Thylage & Me In Butterfly Farm

A New Start

Remember her?? I visited her last weekend and she's doing all great! She's going to school in May. She's still undergoing treatment and routine checkups but she's getting better day by day. So much better from the last time I saw her. She's much more active, consuming food, and most of all, she's doesn't look ill.

=) =) =)

One In A Million

Today, 2nd of March, marks the third death anniversary of my dearest buddy, Nor Fadzilah Md Hassan aka Badut. To think of it, how time flies! It has been 3 years since the passing and it's still so hard to accept the reality that she's gone.

I've got to know Fadzilah in high school. We got really close throughout random conversations in class and we were practically in the same class up to Form 6,sitting side by side, always on the first front row. We took up music class and hated it to the max, named almost each and every places and not forgetting people in school, with weird names. There was once in Form 2, for Moral subject, I did a plantation project and Fadzilah called my plantation site a "Grave", which is supposed to be mine! We spent of our recess time eating smuggled food from the canteen, sitting on "My Grave", talking about all the things in the world. We even named an ant-hill over a politician just because his name is hilariously funny. We've screamed "Aku ada kat London!!", seeing the leaves from the Neem tree shed.

Even though we met in school every single day, we wrote letters to each other like almost everyday. There's just so many things to talk (write) and share about. Every single letter written by her comes with quotes and proverbs that has helped me all throughout my life. I've been keeping every single letter written by her up till now. Each time I read them, it brings a smile in me, feeling grateful that I have known a great soul, though it was only for a short period of time.

Fadzilah has always been there to cheer me up whenever I was down. For the times I cried over silly things, she was there, just to make fun of the whole thing, making me laugh my ass off. She never talked about any of her family issues as she thinks that it's a way of bringing your own family down. Believe it or not, after being her friend for about 6 years, only then I got to know that her mother is almost partially blind. She was the only child in her family, whom loved her grandmother dearly. The funniest thing is, she calls her father "Tan Tan" which she herself doesn't know why or where she got that name from.

Form 6 was great with Fadzilah and I sitting together, just like how we did the years before. We talked about so many things - about our lower secondary times, her senile grandmother who always waits for the "tongkang"(a big boat) to get downhill, the male species and her all time favourite "Yerembe Tale"(Ant's head in Tamil), which she refers to her neighbour. And yes, she spoke fluent Tamil as she learned it by talking to her neighbour(The Ant's Head).

She was the one to help me to mail S almost daily when my internet modem died. She has always kept her ears open to listen to every single shit that I say, no matter what ever it is about. For all the things she said and done, I can never be thankful enough. We weren't really the smart students while schooling. In fact, we're always the holder of the last 2 positions in class after each and every exam. We just find it funny as we're inseparable. The fact that we were the last in class never bothered us. But, Fadzilah had her own talent in debate. She had represented our school on national level and she even came out on TV. I was so proud of it but she was not as she claimed she looked like a clown due to the heavy blushers on her cheek and it was a public embarassment it seems. *LoLz* That's where her nickname "Badut"(clown) came from.

I can go on and on about all the moments and fun we had. So much of memories to be cherished. For all the happiness she spread around her, for all the times we had spent throughout school years, I am really grateful that she's one of my best buddy. It hurt so much to lose a best friend, without knowing the real cause of death, without knowing what had happened, without being able to say final goodbye for good, and the worst part of all, without even getting to pay the last respect for her, on this very same day, 3 years ago.

But, no matter what, she will always be close to my heart and I've got this written in one of Fadzilah's letters and I would dedicate this to her..

"Sahabat sepertimu seribu di dunia tetapi pekertimu hanya satu..dan dia ialah mu.."

Reality

This time, my blog is inspired by two movies : Seven Pounds & The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Both the movies made me think about how much we treasure life, appreciate people and their presence in our lives. It's about how we cherish each and every moment we face in life without taking it for granted and not just merely living our life. I would strongly recommend everyone to watch both of these movies. It's really worth watching as it makes you think deep about life.

The all time "What Ifs", "I wish" and "If Only" is always running in our minds. It's human nature to always expect to have more than what we can. We always want to have more in what ever we can have. We don't seem to look into what we currently have and we look into what more we can have.

We rarely cherish the moment we spent with our loved ones, only to think back and say "Those were the days". By that time, it might be too late for us to think back and cherish it. Memories last for a lifetime but it's how we cherish and enjoy the moment is what matters.

We rarely appreciate what people do for us. Just a note of appreciation means a lot for someone. We are always too selfish to bother about other people's feelings. We take people for granted. We disrespect the person, treat the person like as if the person means nothing to you but in real the person means the whole world. We are too self centered that we only care about ourselves, disregarding the fact that other people may be offended by what we say or do. But then again, we can't please everybody. This is what exactly that creates individuality. We can't expect every Tom, Dick and Harry to be the same. Life would be uninteresting and monotonous. But, just a smile, note of thanks and appreciation would bring a whole lot of happiness to our loved ones or even strangers.

It's weird how we human being, apart from the fact that we know we are alive, we actually wonder how life after death looks or feels like. And just when we're are dying, we would try our best to live life to the fullest. Why is it that we learn things only when we're already running out of time, only when it's already too late?? Why is it that we're dying to live when we are already dying.

At times, sitting back, looking back at the past, we wish to go back in time to relive those wonderful moments again and again. Reality strikes when we can't do that and we realize we didn't actually live up to that moment or cherish the moment that much. And we go, "I wish I could turn back time..." But it's way too late now as we can only reminisce the time...

PS, I Love You

I watched the movie PS,I Love You today, after reading the book TWICE. My personal opinion, reading the book is way so much better than watching a movie. I'm definitely NOT SAYING the movie is bad. It was way too awesome. In fact, it was the movie which inspired me to blog. But still, reading the book was better. There's more anticipation involved. =)

PS, I Love You, written by Cecelia Ahern is all about dealing with the death of your loved ones. The synopsis goes like this :

"Some people wait their whole lives to find their soul mates. But not Holly and Gerry. Childhood sweethearts, they could finish each other's sentences and even when they fought, they laughed. No one could imagine Holly and Gerry without each other.

Until the unthinkable happens. Gerry's death devastates Holly. But as her 30th birthday looms, Gerry comes back to her. He's left her a bundle of notes, gently guiding Holly into her new life without him, each note signed "PS,I Love You"

As the notes are gradually opened, and as the year unfolds, Holly is both cheered up and challenged. The man who knows her better than anyone sets out to teach her that life goes on. With some help from her friends, Holly finds herself laughing, crying, singing, dancing - and being braver than ever before. "

Coming back to the movie, starring Hillary Swank and Gerald Butler. Applause to both of them for feeling the character and making it feel real (I know that's their job, but hey, READ THE BOOK BEFORE WATCHING THE MOVIE and you'll know what I meant) Being a soppy freak of nature for emotional movies, I cried from the very beginning of the movie till the end. It's not surprising as I even cried reading the book. =) I was touched by almost every single thing the author described in the book and of course, the movie was taken with full emotion.

The only thing that got me wondering is, do people like Gerry exist?? Are they really committed to do what Gerry did? Does this even get real?? Is it even possible?? Why bother thinking about Gerry- Will YOU do what Gerry did?? Will you be able to even think about doing such a thing when you're almost dying?? It would take such a great lad to do what Gerry had done for Holly. So much of commitment and love was put in just to help the loved one to get over his own death.

I myself am not sure whether I'll be able to do that to my loved one. Would I wanna be forgotten?? DEFINITELY NOT. At the same time, I wouldn't want my loved one to mourn my loss and dwell in it. So, it is for an individual to decide, whether to help or to not to help. Maybe by helping, we would be adding more pain but at the same time, it would be a great help to heal.

It's all up to individual to decide how they want their loved ones to deal with their death. Sometimes,I wonder "How could this kind of people exist??"

Before I end my blog post today, this is the line Holly's mother would tell her after passing the last letter from Gerry.

" If We Are All Alone, We Are All Together In That Too"

Good Day People!

PS, I LOVE YOU
=)

Eva

Year 2008 was such a fast ride. Highs and lows, laughter and joy. So much of marked dates that will remain fresh and be cherished throughout my life. The beginning of 2008 was not great at all. But it ended well. I feel very much accomplished. There are reasons for feeling so :

1) Did very well in my studies
2) Graduated on 15th July 2008
3) Joined work on 4th August 2008
4) The come back of EvangeLion *Angau* =P

Been working my ass off since then and known as "Workaholic" by dearest Dinz as I even work on Sundays for weeks. But when asked about how my job is, all I say is "I don't hate it." That's the only thing I could say. Doesn't mean I'm not happy with my job. I'm feeling just content about it.

I've tasted the most loneliest feeling since I have started working. I have a routine life and there's not much of entertainment as I'm alone most of the time. I've learned so much about people. That would be the biggest lesson of all. I've learn to let go. I've learn to live all by myself, without depending on anyone for anything. In short, all I can say is there's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It is not giving up but it's realizing that you don't need certain people and the bullshit they bring. Enough said.

*****BEGINNING OF 2009*****

Year 2009 sets off by the arrival of my very own asset,Eva that I've been wanting for sometime. Never really planned to have it by this New Year but it turned out to be so. Somehow, I've achieved one of my dreams. To have Eva on the 1st of January 2009 marks a very good beginning to me. Thanks to my cousin, Viswa. Wouldn't have done it without him. It's a good thing that I'm starting this year anew, with the arrival of Eva, a new mindset and goals.

Arrival of Eva has driven me more to life. That is why, I call her Eva, which means Giver of Life. She gave me a life I've always wanted - an independent one. I've yet to take pictures of Eva. Been really busy these days, with her especially. =P For all the happiness and joy ride Eva has brought me just in these few days, I love her truly. For more years to come, Eva *CHEERS*

I'm trying and learning to be optimistic from the very pessimistic person I was before. I'm not a fan of New Year Resolution but this time, my resolution is

1) to control my anger
2) to stop frowning
3) to control my road rage
4) to stop cursing all the people in the world

I'm trying my very best to stop frowning though I still keep getting the "Can you please stop frowning" by Rat and Mr.Teh. =)

I guess it is still not too late to wish everyone a Happy New Year. Wishing everyone a joyous ride filled with happiness. =) *CHEERS*

Terrifying Life

ALL OF LIFE AND HUMAN RELATIONS HAVE BECOME SO INCOMPREHENSIBLY COMPLEX THAT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IT BECOMES TERRIFYING AND YOUR HEART STANDS STILL.
~Anton Chekhov~

Came across this quote when I was surfing the net. Was randomly searching for funny quotes and I came across this one and decided to blog about it. =)

To think of life, it is so unpredictable. No matter how much you plan your life to be, somehow it turns out the other way round, for good or bad, that's another issue. To accept the changes and to live throughout life is the major issue. It's not easy to adapt to changes and it takes time. Drastic changes may take dinosaur years.

Human relations is just another major issue that we always never seem to get answers. At one moment, we worship a person, the next moment, we completely loathe the very same person. At one moment, we may loathe a person and the next moment we would look up and worship the very same person.

Personally, I would say life is very complex. It's unpredictable. The very same thing that we might have fear to face will just happen to take place the moment we least expect it to happen. Somehow, you have to just face it, bearing all the truth and hurt life brings you. I may be pessimistic here, but what's the point of being optimistic when we don't sweat about all the happiness and cheers life brings us? Do we feel worried when we are happy?? Possibly not.

Life has always scare me from one way to another. I won't say that I've lived long enough to bitch about life but somehow life has taught me to be extremely cautious with people and life itself. At the same time, it has taught me to not to be so paranoid about it. It has taught me to take things slow and learn to breathe. Somehow, I'm living it, from day to day, slowly digesting and trying to move on though it scares me every now and then.

Life's Uncertainty 2

My family and I paid a visit to the Rumah Seri Kenangan, Taiping today. It was a sudden plan made yesterday. It was our first visit there so we basically took about 2 hours to travel from Penang Island to Taiping as we didn't really know the route.

The place basically looked new and clean. The moment we entered, I saw a few Warga Emas sitting on the bench. There was a Mak Cik, sitting under the tree talking to herself and waving at us. She was extremely thin. On a bench, I saw another Warga Emas, holding his walking stick, resting his head on the bench, which to me, looks like he was really very upset and frustrated with his life. I guess it's all about the mindset. Perhaps, because he was there, I feel like he is not having a life he was supposed to have. Maybe if I had seen him elsewhere, I wouldn't even bother. In short, I'll definitely totally ignore his presence or walk off fast, thinking he's a crackhead.

The reason we went there was actually to visit a relative of us, Atta(Grandma in Tamil), aged 82. I know it's not something to be proud of to actually say I went to visit my relative in an old folks home but situation turned out to be so. Once we gave our names and registered, we were allowed to see her. We were brought to one of the house block and then she was called. The landscape was a very good sight. Calm and quiet, with palm trees and reflexology stones, with garden bench and tables almost at all places. There was a corner named "Teraputik Mesra", with canopies and reflexology stones as well.

On the house porch, there were a few Warga Emas talking among themselves. Atta came out after being called a few times. She has gone so much thinner, hunched and she was using the aid of walking stick though she can walk steadily. Her toe was overlapping her big toe on both the feet. She looked very much clean and well looked after. The moment she saw us, she fastened her footsteps and started crying. It was really very devastating to see her cry. Gave her a hug and sat at the canopy. She was telling about the condition there,about how they are taken care of. She even mentioned about who else has visited her the week before. She sound so happy when she talks and she even put a smile on her face like as if there's nothing wrong. But I bet, deep inside she would have been very devastated which at the same time she had already accept the reality that she's there.

Then came another Warga Emas and said to Atta, "You always never tell that someone is here to see you". She sat at the canopy with us and shared her part of the story. She's from Ipoh, was down with stroke and abandoned in Penang GH. Then she was sent here. Only now she's been able to walk. She said she's pretty much happy here because there are people taking care of her, she has friends to talk with, supplies of medication and many more. She was pretty much with a smile on her face all the time. She asked Atta whether she'll be following us back. Atta said yes and asked whether she would follow and she said yes. And Atta said, "But we have to walk. They won't take us by car. Is it okay with you?" I sensed the sarcasm and I know it is very much a blind expectation they have everytime somebody comes to visit them.

From far, I saw a Warga Emas, a partially blind man, walking towards the clinic, right opposite the canopy we were sitting. He came to us and said hi. He told us his part of life. It seems he was from Burmah Road, Penang and was found stranded by the roadside and brought here. The wife, children and in laws abandoned him as they claim he has some mental illness. He mentioned that they abandoned him because he couldn't make money to feed the family but his children are well to do. He said "Now they have money, they abandoned me. They said I'm a mental case. It's okay, God is watching everything. If now they can abandon me, one day they will be in my shoes. I'm not cursing but that's the way of life. I'm just waiting to be with God. I'm happy here, the people treat me well and all but I'm just waiting to be with God. Once I'm dead, the chapter of my life will be closed." I felt such a heartbreak listening to him talking like that. He was being very practical, but I sense the sadness in him.

We left at 12pm as it was already lunch time for Atta. First time in my life, I visited the old folks home and it gave a huge impact on me. I wouldn't blame those who sent their parents to the old folks home nor I wouldn't say it's a good thing to do. It all depends on an individual's life situation. Personally, I think that if at all you had sent your folks to these places, at least pay them a visit. It makes them happy. Of course, they talk about their stories over and over again but your presence makes them happy that you actually do care for them and you didn't mean to abandon them.

Somehow, it just got me asking "Will I send my parents to old folks home??" I will never say NO as I do not know what's going to happen in future but I seriously hope that there won't be such a situation that will cause such devastation to my parents. To those who runs these Warga Emas institutions, I would say they are doing a good job. There might be some weakness and all but at least they are doing their level best to care for these Warga Emas. =)

A Lesson To Be Learned

It's funny how we NEVER learn our lessons from the VERY FIRST mistake we do. So much for going "Once bitten twice is shy", I guess we never really did take it seriously.

Maybe it's because we never took everything so serious but somehow people tend to take advantage out of our patience.

I found this while I was net surfing.

A short post from me, I would say. I'm just pretty much tired of NOT LEARNING MY LESSONS. *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*

Solve, Not Dwell

*Inspired by Valerie Christine*

You have a problem?? Solve it. Don't dwell in it, kept talking and complaining because it's gonna make things worse and you gonna end up being more miserable. Of course, talking out your problems to someone does lighten the burden up your chest but dwelling in it doesn't help in any way.

Going "My life suck", "I hate my life" and the most propular "WHY ME???" is NEVER EVER gonna help in any way but to make you wonder for the next dinosaur's years. Why bother wondering when you're not gonna get the answer at all??

Who doesn't have a problem?? EVERYONE DOES! It's all about how you deal and settle it. Doesn't matter how big or serious the problem is, how you overcome and make through it is what matters most.

I'm not denying the time factor. Of course, certain issues/problems requires time - loads of them to be solved or even to get over with. But if you're not willing to even take the very first step, you would not be able to solve the problem even if you've been given dinosaur's years.

Just because you are feeling stress or tensed, DON'T involve yourself in any immoral activities or bad habits such as smoking, alcohol consumption, drugs etc. Obviously, it's gonna make things worse. You're gonna sink way deeper than you thought you would. "Release tension" is what we normally hear from the smokers. It's just a LAME EXCUSE. There's so many other ways to release tension - take up sports, leisure activities, anything but none of the things that deteriorate your health or so.

I look up to those whom solve their problems in a very smart way rather than dwelling in it. Though in the beginning you might have complained, cried and dwelled in it, it's a good thing that now you have realised it has never done good to you. It may take time, dinosaur's years perhaps but heck, you've already took the first step so things will definitely smoothen up and it will be a lot more easier for you.

Sooner or later, you will think back and say "Geee...I was that young and stupid". It's not about regretting what you did, It's all about the lesson that you learn from it.

** Dearest Val, I'm so glad that things are turning quite well for you. And I'm really proud that you SOLVED IT rather than DWELLING in it. **

Movie

Watched Love Guru yesterday. My bad that I expected it to be hilariously funny and it turned out to be a piece of crap. *PUKE*

The beginning itself was such a turnoff. To see Mike Myers in a body of a kid was just plain stupid. Ridiculous! All he talked about was nuts, balls, getting laid, bla bla bla u know what. There WASN'T EVEN ONE part of the movie that made me laugh and they fucking call it a COMEDY. WTF?! The only thing that I was so in awe was JESSICA ALBA. *Droolz* She's so abso-fucking-lutely HOT!! *sigh* The BEST part of it all was I slept off while watching the movie. Got up, only to realise the pc screen was blank. THE END. Hallelujah!

Why do people come up with such crap ???

It's not only this movie that made me wonder. Scary Movie is just another crap. It's not that I don't have any sense of humor but the movie just annoy the crap out of me! And they even have up to Scary Movie 4. What kind of movie doesn't have a storyline?? Is it called a movie in the first place?? I remember one(I bet all of of it are) of the Scary Movie series had some "remake" scene from various movies like Ju On, The Village, Saw and so on. The only thing that comes to my mind is the movie is just damn fucking perverty (if there's such a word) and the same goes to the Fuck Love Guru.

Zombie Strippers was just another piece of shit. The title itself gives you an idea of nudity. They fucking use women as a sexual object. I'm definitely not a feminist or what so ever you may call it, but I just don't get the idea of it. And of course, I definitely don't get the point on why these women are being so fucking stupid to actually let themselves to be used. *sigh*

What drive this freaks of nature to come up with such movies?? Too much money?? For fuck sake, do some charity!! At least you wouldn't be cursed to be the topic of my blog and add another sin to my list! Sheeesh!!

Love Guru and Scary Movies were actually screened in cinemas. There was a Malay horror movie, Dukun which had a little bit of publicity in the cinemas last year. I've been waiting for it to be screened. To my surprise, it was never screened. The preview was absolutely awesome- DEFINITELY NOT some cheap horror movie which features the long haired, white dressed figure or what so ever. It was based on true story, related to the case of Mona Fendi. The movie is banned from screening for what ever reason, I do not know. But heck, they would screen Love Guru and Scary Movie but they won't screen Dukun?? What the hell?? Just when I thought Malaysian movies are getting somewhere, there came the dead end.

What the fuck happening to the movie world???!!!

I Gave Up

X smsed me early morning today. Yes, as early as I got up at 6am. Basically NOTHING MUCH, just THESE :

X : Gud morning!

Me : Morning! Hru?

X : MC today.. Physically and mentally not well

Me : *EYEROLLING* What's the prob??

X : U knowla, mentally not well means, gals prob la

Me : What's the prob?

X : I met an Indon gal...

Me (*WTF!!*) : And?? Jz come to da point...

X : She's pregnant now..

Me (*WTF*) : Hallelujah..What has that got to do with u?

X : I'm the reason for it la..don't u get it??

Me : Hallelujah! Don't u already have a gf??

X : Yeah la..

Me : Wat the fuck u think u were doing?? But then again, I dono wether u're trying to play the fool with me or wat..

X : Im just playing the fool..But I'm really in love with an Indon gal..that's the truth...

Me*ANNOYED*SARCASTIC* : So much for going "Yuckz" for Indon, somebody now claiming in love pulak..

X : Really la... I love her attitude... Her attitude is million times better than my gf...

Me *FUCKING ANNOYED* : Ni kedte kede ke, ithe vere...attitude konon...I gave up la... Ni tirentheve madte dey...Epediyavethe ekede kedte po...
(TRANSLATION IN SHORT : SCREW YOU!! )

X : Ok...

*THE END*

WHY DO YOU THINK I'M BEING THE WAY I AM NOW?????? U MAY SAY "NOT ALL OF THEM ARE THE SAME" BUT THE MALES I'M GETTING TO KNOW AND GOT TO KNOW SO FAR ARE PROVING THAT THEY ARE...



Comments are welcomed

WTF!

P/S : The graphic above was actually taken from X's profile's testimonial. COINCIDENCE?? I DON'T THINK SO...

Things Will Get Better

Dedicated to my dearest DINA & MAALINI

This is definitely NOT my piece of work. It was on a card I received from my late buddy, Fadzilah when I was in Form 2. I was having a really fucked up time and getting this card from her was something really very thoughtful of her. These words have never failed to keep me strong in life and I hope somehow it helps you as well.

Dearest Dinz & Maal, everyone is going to hurt you somehow. It's who worth the pain that matters...

When things aren't going well for u,

and times aren't what they should be,

just focus on the positive

and think about what could be.

Acknowledge what has happened-

don't lose sight of lessons past -

but don't allow the negative,

Distracting thoughts to last.

Take what you've learnt

and start from there-

Draw strength from your frustration

and let this added sense of purpose

be your new foundation.

It's hard to follow any plan

Precisely to the letter,

though life right now is difficult,

Things will get better.

Rather than thinking bout those whom are not worth, it's better to think of those who really care about you. Take things slow, and THINGS WILL DEFINITELY GET BETTER!!! Love you loadz!

30 Bux For Free

Went to watch The Mummy:Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor today with Lekavathee. I didn't expect the movie to end so fast. Was kinda disappointed in a way. After whacking Char Koay Teow, headed to Secret Recipe. Whacked Chocolate Strawberry Cake which looked damn appetissing on the display but when I ate it, the cake was very dry(VERY VERY dry). We then took a bus to Komtar. Highlight of the day starts here:

Was standing in the bus as there were no vacant seat till a man in his 50s or so stood up and allowed Lekavathee to sit. I thought he was about to get down that he offered his seat to her. Instead, this man just stood there without getting off the bus. Then he started his conversation with Lekavathee which then I realise he was DRUNK as I could smell Carlsberg on him:

The Man(patting Leka's head): You'll go far, miss. I gave you my seat, so you'll definitely go far in life.
The Man to Me : Miss, you don't mind her sitting here right?
Me : No
The Man to Leka : You're a good girl. You'll go far in life. You'll be a lawyer or doctor.

Lekavathee just smiled. Then he kept repeating about how Lekavathee will go far in life being a doctor or lawyer. Alternately he kept asking me wether I mind him talking. Honestly, I was pretty annoyed he was drunk and he stink like crap but I can't be triggering him by saying anything nasty as I was in a public bus.

The Man to Lekavathee(pointing towards Me) : Is she your mother?
Lekavathee: My sister!!
The Man: Ohh, I see. Are you studying, miss?
Lekavathee: Yes
The Man : Good girl. Study hard. You'll go far in life. I have confidence in you.
Lekavathee : Yes

This Man kept repeating the same bloody thing and the drama was watched by almost the whole entire bus passangers, particularly a Saudi Arabian guy and a Malay-looking lady in the front seat. How I wish I was invisible!! The Saudi Arabian guy was practically nodding and smilling for everything The Man said and he kept looking at Lekavathee.

The Man: Next time I'll see you in this bus again. I'm sure you'll do well. We will meet again.

Which I actually thought he's gonna get the hell out of the freaking bus but he didn't. He kept talking about the same shit again and again till :

The Man to Me: Miss, you don't mind me giving something to your sister?
Me: No thank you!
The Man: No no..this is from me. I have to give...
Me: No thank you
The Malay-Looking Lady: You better watch out for your sister!

Which just in time the driver hit the emergency break and The Man practically leaned towards the side of the bus,blocking me from Lekavathee while he took out his wallet. When I caught a sight of Lekavathee's, she looked freaking pale and frightened. I saw the relieved face when she saw me keeping an eye on her. The man took out 10bux and passed it to my sister which she declined but he insisted.

Lekavathee: Thank you, uncle.
The Man : You're welcome. You're a very nice girl. Your sister is like my daugther. You're like my grandchild.
The Man to Me : Miss I hope you don't mind. We should do good to people. Then good things will happen to us. I almost died 4 times in my life. I've worked as a security guard and I've got stabbed about 4 times but I'm still alive. I do good deed to people like this. That's why I'm still alive.

What have I got to say? I just freaking gave him a smile and looked away. I just don't get the point why he gave that 10bux for. Meanwhile he asked for Lekavathee's name.

The Man: How old are you,miss??
Lekavathee : 13
The Man: Oh my god! You look like an 8 year old!! She look so young. Very good child. You'll go far. Study hard!

And the Saudi Arabian guy gave some weird reaction which I have no idea what it's suppose to mean. And this Man started telling the Saudi Arabian guy about him being stabbed 4 times, which I really thought he will leave me and Lekavathee in peace but he didn't. He started again with his crap and I was really getting annoyed and my facial expression was pretty much obvious.

The Man: Is that money enough for you?
Lekavathee: Yes yes!!
The Man: No, no. I don't think it's enough. Next time I see you, you'll be better. So I'll give you 50bux.
Lekavathee just nodded.
The Man: How many friends do you have?
Lekavathee: 4
The Man: No no! It's not enough!! And he took his wallet again.
Me: It's okay uncle. Nevermind. No thank you.
The Man : No no! She's a good child. She deserves it.

While I was telling NO to that drunkard, the Saudi Arabian guy took 10bux from his wallet and gave Lekavathee and this was then followed by The Man. So, there you go, there's 2 freaks of nature doing some charity in the bus for God knows what reason. I was so freaking annoyed and went ...

Me : What is this?? This is so ridiculous!! Can you people just stop it??
Saudi Arabian Guy: No no. She's a good kid.
Me: So ridiculous.
The Man shook hands with the Arabian guy and told Lekavathee : See, I gave you 10bux. This young man gave you another 10bux. It's all good deed. Once you do good to people, you'll always get good things.
The Man to Me : Miss, are you angry??
Me: No.It's okay.

So, Lekavathee made 30bux out of just answering the drunken man's questions. The man kept asking wether I was angry which I really felt like telling him to just shut the fuck up. I guess he got the idea that I was freaking annoyed.

The Man: I can see you are angry. I don't want you to scold me.
The Man to Lekavathee: You must remember me. I'm Mr.Amir. I'm a Muslim.You're a Hindu. But we must help each other.

He kept shaking hands with the Saudi Arabian guy and my sister for God knows what reason. I had a glance at a Malay lady and she gave me a smile and shook her head. I guess she gets the point that I'm so freaking annoyed with the drunken man and his charity act.

The Man: Which school are you in??
Lekavathee: Sri Mutiara
The Man to Me: Where is the school?
Me: In town
The Man: Where In Town?? You must tell me specificly you see...
Me : In town
The Man: So, you are suspicious of me... you are angry...

I totally ignored him. And he kept mumbling to himself.

The Man to Lekavathee: Where is your father working??
Lekavathee: .....
Me: Factory..Bosch

It's a lie anyway. I coudn't think of anything. Just crapped it out of annoyance.

The Man: Are you married?
Me with the fucking annoyed face: No!
The Man : Okay.. okay... Don't get angry...

He shook hand again with Lekavathee and the Saudi Arabian guy and said to Me : I cant shake hand with you.You're not married.

He's talking as if I was dying to shake hand with him. Sheeesh!

The Man to Me: I lost all my family members. I'm all alone.
Me: Okay

"I'm not surprised" - That's what I thought to myself. And all the while he spoke good command of English. And he had this smile of self satisfaction on his face. He kept talking about meeting again in the same bus sooner or later which I totally ignored. Finally the freaking bus reached Komtar.

The Man: I'm getting off now. See you! You're angry...
I totally ignored him.
Me to the Saudi Arabian guy : I don't know why you gave the money. It's really unnecessary.
Saudi Arabian Guy: No no! She's like my sister. Her face.Like my little sister. It's okay...
Me: Okay...Thank you...
Lekavathee: Thank you...

The Malay Looking lady looked up to me and smile.

Me pointing towards Lekavathee(laughing): She just made 30 bux without doing anything.
Malay Looking Lady : Hahahaha

Finally The Man left. I was so worried he'd be stalking us till we get onto another bus. Thank God he left. Phewwwww! The relief look on Lekavathee's face was so priceless! Hahaha! I'm still puzzled about the whole incident!

o.O

THE DAY

Finally, it's all over!! 3 days ago, I graduated from Universiti Malaysia Terengganu with a Bachelor Degree in Chemical Sciences. It was THE DAY in my life. Being the FIRST grandchild(my mom's side), the second child in my family, but FIRST to graduate is absolutely a GREAT ACHIEVEMENT, something that Me, Thylage, my parents, Aunt and Grandma has been waiting for all our lives.

Maybe to some people, graduation is NOTHING AT ALL . Some of my friends didn't even bother to attend their graduation with the reason,"It's just a cert.I'll get it from the office." Another friend of mine didn't attend his graduation with the lousiest ever reason,"I'd have to cut my hair if I were to attend it" and I went WTF???

The day started off with me having a fucked - up facial expression which got everybody asking me "What's wrong with you early in the morning?" I practically had to just answer them "I'm born with this face. What do u expect??" The function went on and as usual. Me, Dumz and Bb were sitting together, making fun of each and every single thing, laughing our ass off when we are NOT EVEN SUPPOSE TO TALK. We made fun of all the moments we had spent and gone through.

I remember messaging Wong, saying goodbye and all and the reply from him was "It's gonna take a very long time for us to meet again." That's definitely true! All of us has got our jobs and paths to go to. We're gonna be busy with our own lives and God knows when our path will ever cross again. That was the moment I truly realise, I will definitely going to miss my campus life. The talks, the jokes, all the craps we did is just irreplaceble. I won't deny the fact that we were actually waiting for this moment, to get it all done. So much for wanting it to happen, we didn't really bother to think about the parting.

This significant friend of mine, Liong Chun Lun, didn't attend the graduation as his mum has just undergone an operation. Being the mommy's boy, he is taking care of his mum, cooking, cleaning and doing the house chores. We (Me,Dumz,Bb,Wong) were so sad to hear that he couldn't attend. I was so looking forward to meet him and in the end he couldn't make it. Honestly, I miss him so much!! The talks, the jokes, everything about him! All the 3 years I've known him, I've never seen him rage at anyone, even at ME. And he's one person that never gets a day away from getting screwed from ME. And I've never got screwed from him. That's LIONG CHUN LUN. One of the best soul I've got to know! This goes for you, Liong Chun Lun! *Smack It* Hahaha! =)

Writting this blog today, made me realise how many wonderful souls I've got to know. We may be friends but we had our family relationships as well. Dumz was the Mummy(A dumb one and that explains why she's called Dumz). I'm the eldest daughter, Bb and Krisha are the children after me. They are yet to decide who's first coz both wants to be the last child-the pampered one. Bb and I share multiple bondings. I'm her sister, husband and Oppa. Too long story to be explained. =P

Campus life was just wonderful and the moments spent are memories to be cherished throughout my life. People come and go but these FRIENDS of mine, will always be close to my heart. My best wishes goes to Dumz,Bb, Krisha, Vicky, Liong Chun Lun, Wong Eng Poa, Ng Chin Hoo, Ct and Ayuni. =) =) Missing you guys loads!!

Go On, LAUGH!!

I'm being the LAUGHING STOCK of my family members and friends. Started the day(yesterday) with breakfast at home-capati and curry with hot tea without milk which I haven't had for ages. I whacked to glory and started watching Cloverfield. Within 30minutes, I puked. So much for having hot tea. Got wasted anyway! LoLz!! Continued watching Cloverfield, got a phone call from Ravindh saying he's met with an accident and fractured his arm,now being hospitalized.

Whacked honey dew to glory when mum and sis came home. Mum brought this bread loaf which has dates and raisins and its damn sweet. I'm a SUGAR FAIRY. Feed me sweet sugary food and I'll consume to glory. Told mum about Ravindh and we decided to leave to hospital about 430pm to visit Ravindh and my aunt. Reached hospital, went to Ravindh's ward and saw him sleeping. So, went to visit my aunt first. I was holding my aunt's hand when I felt the whole world is spinning and my vision got blurred. I spotted a chair opposite the bed, aimed to park my azz there and - PITCH BLACK.

The next thing I know, I hear mum calling my name, saw nurses and a doctor standing around me and FUCK, my ass hurts. Was only half conscious, saw the nurse applying Minyak Cap Kapak right down my nose, another pulled my hand and pricked my finger for a blood test, another checking up my BP. The doctor pulled out my spects n checked my eyes. All I heard was "She look very pale! She look very pale! She look very pale" I was struggling with myself as I felt like puking but it doesn't seem to come out!! Then came a few other nurses, stood in front of me and went "She's so cute! She's so cute" Honestly, I appreciate the compliment but hello, I was trying to puke!!! I felt FINE until one of the nurses came with the wheelchair and insisted my mum to bring me to the emergency ward. I went WTF and told I'll walk if at all I have to go and I got screwed from mum. So, I was FORCED to use the damn wheelchair and brought to the emergency ward, attended by this huge sized Indian doctor with a sweet smiley face.

Conversation:
Doc : Yes, enna achi?(What happened?) Hemaa--What is your name exactly??
Me: Hemaavathy. Maike padte vilenthe, enthirechi, vanthi edethen(I fainted,got up and vomitted). I vomitted in the morning as well.
Doc: Wow! This is interesting! Maike padte vilenthe, enthirechi, vanthi edethingge.(U fainted, got up and vomited)*Looked at another doc and said "Look,interesting story she has." And they shared some moment of laughter* So, how many times you actually vomitted?
Me: *Gave a killer stare for making me a total joke* Twice-Morning after breakfast, and just now, after fainting. And I'm having my period.
Doc: Okay, good. That's very important. Maybe that's why you fainted.

I was just nodding and stared at him for making me the joke of the day. He smiled and called a nurse to check my BP. As I was being checked, a guy, neatly dressed in tie and long sleeves shirt came in and and a nurse went to his aid, trying to put up the drips bottle(I don't really know what they call it. *Maal, u gotta help me with this*)

Doc to the nurse(Laughing): Make sure he doesn't change his clothes. He looks nice with it.
*Not enough of me,this doctor is making fun of that poor little guy who came for treatment*

Next, I hear him asking the nurse to give me a bottle too. I went FUCK! She poked the needle right through my vein. It wasn't painful until a point where the tiny tube hit my wrist bone and FUCK! It striked so badly. Had to bare with it coz mum was already in some trauma stage looking at the nurse poking the needle. =P Had to be in the emergency ward for 2 hours, waiting for the bloody bottle to finish. I was asked to sleep while the bottle finished but I just sat there like a dumbazz, looking around and started to sms Divya and got screwed from her for my eating habit.

There was a lady opposite me being treated by 2 doctors. She had totally burned about 4% of herself with hot boiling water(I heard the doctors and the nurses talking. That's the least I can do while sitting there-eavesdrop). From the right side of her face, shoulder till the whole right arm. Ouch! That would really hurt! Poor lady!! =(

A nurse came and checked my BP again and fastened the dripping rate and it hurt like hell. Within few minutes I was done with it and the nurse came to pull out the bloody tube and I went Ouch!!

Nurse(smiling) :Next time, make sure you shave the hairs before you come here.
Me :Shave?? o.O
Nurse: The tape is pulling your hair that's why you feeling the pain.

I gave her a smile and thought to myself "VERY FUNNY MISSY". Thanked her and we(my mum n I) headed home after taking the medications. Reached home and saw my dad at the doorway, laughing his azz off. I gotta admit, I laughed to the bone as well.

Brother to Me : How did you faint??
Mum to Me: Demo to your brother how you fainted. Faster!!
Me : Hahahaha! Very funny people! I only fainted. Nothing serious and everyone made a big fuss out of it with the emergency ward and the damn wheelchair!
Brother to Me(sarcastic) : Eat 2 days once some more. Or next time, starve yourself!
Me : I'm eating okay!! I eat in small amount. You people just don't get it. I even whacked bread before going to GH!!

Just got phone calls from mum, dad and grandma asking whether I'm okay. I'm PERFECTLY FINE people!! I get it that you all are so concern, but hey, I'm absolutely fine. Don't be a paranoid and PLEASE people, stop making me feel sick. I'm absolutely FINE!! Thank you!

Just feel that the nurse and the doctors were so with "on the job" attitude. Of course, it's their job, but I really respect them for being so fast moving. =) Thank you again! For the doctor and the nurse who made fun of my condition, thanks to you as well. Maybe you were just trying to make me feel better. =) Thank You people! Tulips! =)

Uncivilized Barbarians

There are so many reasons that triggered me to write this post. The main reason, I'm FUCKING SICK of tolerating all this shit. People can be such an annoyance at times or shall I say most of the times. Maybe it's just ME but then IT'S NOT.

If you see yourself in the list below, you are definitely an UNCIVILIZED BARBARIAN.
NOPE, I'm NOT AT ALL sorry that YOU are offended!
*PROFANITY TO GLORY*

1. Littering around - Happens everywhere. It bugs the hell outta me when people don't throw their fucking rubbish in the dustbin. Then they complain about the place being dirty. It is even worse in low - cost flats area. These fuckers just throw bags full of rubbish through their windows or balcony. I've even seen a curry packet landing right on the hood of a car. WTF??? Let it even be a used cotton bud or some crumpled paper, why can't you just throw it in a dustbin?? To those fuckers who smokes, PLEASE, just fucking throw the cigarette buds or even empty cigarette box in the dustbin. WARNING to those who know me : DON'T EVER LET ME CATCH YOU LITTERING AROUND or YOU'LL DIE OF PUBLIC HUMILIATION WHILE BEING FORCED TO PICK UP THE RUBBISH!! I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!!!
   
2. If you are in the cinema, please change your mobile into SILENT MODE or SWITCH IT OFF. Not only YOU are being distracted from the movie but OTHERS as well. Be considerate! YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING TAIKO EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU ARE!! To those bunch of hooligans, stop screaming, whistling or even giving some fucking sound effect while watching movies in the cinema. Honestly speaking, INDIANS does this all the time. I'm not being racist but heck, it's the absolute TRUTH. I've never seen any other races behaving so in cinemas.
   
3. STOP SMOKING in public. There's enough damage being done to your own self. STOP smoking in the elevators especially, even if there's no one in. JUST FUCKING STOP!!!
   
4. STOP SPITTING around. It's unhygienic and it's FUCKING DISGUSTING!!!
5. If you chew chewing gum to glory, STOP STICKING it everywhere!!! There's instructions on what to do with the chewed gum on the wrapper itself. Even if you are illiterate, it is illustrated in graphics. Don't tell me you're a FUCKING DUMBASS!!!
   
6. STOP BURPING on people's face!! It's FUCKING DISGUSTING AND RUDE!!! If at all you do, at least say a fucking EXCUSE ME for god sake!! This burping habit is familiar among the Malays. Again, I'm not being racist. It's the absolute TRUTH!!
   

I can only think of these few things. I bet there's MORE!! It's really a major issue! IT IS TO ME!!!! So much for globalization and crap, people are turning to be uncivilized barbarians!!!

Life's Uncertainty

Weekend was hectic. Busy traveling from Penang to KL(Saturday) and from KL to Penang(Sunday). The reason to KL was to visit Thashneyvie, my cousin's daughter. Reached the hospital on Saturday and I totally went in shock to see her lying on the hospital bed. She's totally changed. She's no more the happy kid I once knew. She barely smiles. I admit I'm allergic to kids but when she came over to my place for Deepavali gathering a few years back, she was so much different. I remember telling my dad that Thashneyvie is such a cutie. She listens to what ever an elder person says. She doesn't rebel or create havoc. Same goes to her brother whose name is too bombastic for me to remember.

She's ONLY 6 and honestly, I am still not sure if what is wrong with her. My aunt told me some other stuffs, my mum told me something else, and finally my uncle said it's brain tumor. If only I can ask what is really wrong with her, I would!! I really want to know!! It's just not the right place and time to go on bombarding the mother with my questions. There's enough damage done.

There wasn't even a chart on her health condition except for the book which her mother keep note of what Thashneyvie consumes. I saw the book had some drawings, mathematics calculations, and those food consumptions details. She barely eats. She consumes milk out of tube through her nose. 50ml per hour.

I don't think she even went to school. She only attended kindy I suppose. She's been hospitalized since end of last year I guess. So, there goes her most precious days in life, undergoing treatments - radiotheraphy. She's gone thinner. She's lost her balance and orientation. She once had gorgeous eyes with long curvy eye lashes. Now, she don't. Her hair have almost all dropped. She had fair flawless skin once upon a time and now she's gone dark, scars on her chest, neck and so on. Both her hands are poked with the drips needle. So much of suffering for a 6 year old.

Such a heartbreak!!

Had a few photo's of Thashneyvie and the rest of the kids taken during the Deepavali gathering back then. Myself and Thylage were assigned to babysit the kids while the elders have their chats to glory. Just feel like sharing it. Really really hope she'll get well soon!! =( =(

From Left : Yashnee, Lekavathee(behind), Keshvini, Thashneyvie and Thylage



Thashneyvie



Thashneyvie munching on some food



From left : Yashnee, Lekavathee, Keshvini, Thashneyvie and ME

Suffocation

I almost DIED today. Almost died of suffocation due to strong STENCH. I was in hell the cinema and the strong stench came from the dead body somebody, only God knows who. I was so suffocating as I had to control my breathing. It was such an annoyance. So much for wanting to watch Dasavatharam, I ended up having to smell somebody's armpit body odor which was fucking disgusting. I'm just wondering, can't you smell your own self? If the stench can reach other people, it mite as well reach you.

Definitely very DISTURBING. This is one of the MAIN reason I avoid crowded places or functions infested with corpse people. They sweat and began to stink. Forget those fuckers people. Even when my family members comes home after work, I stand a mile away from them to avoid any inhalation of methane gas body odour. When they walk pass me, I hold my breath. I know, I'm MEAN but hello, it's fucking DISGUSTING.

When I was in University, my roommate had this problem. I didn't know it until one fine day she was sweating to glory and it just came right through my nostrils and I went paranoid screamed "U stink!! Get away from me!!" She explained that it's a genetic thingy. She inherited from her mother. Like I care! All I said was "Stay away from me. And you better do something about it!!"

Every semester, during the final exams, I have to undergo trauma. Those invigilators especially the MALES stink big time. Probably caused by the ciggies. My Lord! It's so disgusting that I feel like burning them alive. How come they don't realize they stink big time? Or are they living in coconut shell ignorance?? Don't tell me they cant read facial expressions of their colleague?? Or don't the colleagues at least hint them about the stench??

Honestly, I can't take this anymore. I might just die out of suffocation one day(Though one can't die by holding his/her breath). Those who has body odor, PLEASE, I repeat, PLEASE do something about it. DO NOT CAUSE DEATH!!

There are ways to overcome this problem :

1. Get a fucking deodorant/body spray/talcum
   
2. Be hygienic
3. If you know someone having a bad body odor, help by TELLING them off. That's the least you can do.
   
4. Bathe by using "jambu" leaves, "limau kasturi" leaves. Just scrub the body using the leaves and it helps to ward off the stench.
   
5. Bathe properly
6. Use perfume
   

Finally, if you have body odor and you don't wanna be stabbed humiliated by me, just stay the fuck away from me. Do not be the next topic of my blog. Thank you.

P/S : No one was harmed (yet) during this post.

Decided

Decided once upon a time to NOT to blog here.
Decided now to blog HERE.
So I will.


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