Goodbye Cutiepie

27 December 2011, 745am - Thashneyvie succumbed to her illness. She was 9.

May her soul rest in peace. Take care dearie! You'll always be remembered!

To Thashneyvie's parents and family, be strong. She's in the arms of the angels now. You have done your best to give her the very best. Take care.

~Hugs~

Are You One Of Them?

Quotes posted on Facebook sometimes make so much of sense. Today, the quote was this :

It's sad when people you KNOW becomes people you KNEW. When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them.

How true!! Such a coincident that yesterday, my friend and I talked about how relationships change in time. Whether it's due to a significant or unknown reasons, somehow, almost all of us would have gone through the situation on the above quote. And we finally came to a conclusion that no matter how many people surrounds you, in the end, you're going to end up all alone.

Looking at my own experiences, I would strongly say that I've lost so many friends due to so many reasons - both significant and unknown. I don't have regrets on this.In fact, I actually learned so much - about people, relationships and the list goes on. Of course, it does make me sad sometimes that things have changed so much and I could have handled them better. But I just had to let certain people go because the bullshit that they bring is just unbelievable.

I could actually make a long list of the people that I have lost but that's just unnecessary. So, this is all I have to say to those who have been there at some point of my life and now being a complete/half stranger :

Thank you for all the things you have done for me. There was some point in my life that you were a significant reason to my happiness. Thank you for making me realize that nothing lasts forever - it was a reality slap indeed. Thank you for putting me into deep shit. If it wasn't for you, I would not have been who I am today. Though over the years, I've thought of reconciling, I know, no matter how much we try to fix things between us, THINGS WILL NEVER EVER BE THE SAME. But remember :

You WERE someone I have truly loved, cared and cherished once (At least this statement wouldn't make you feel all that crappy about yourself)


So, Are You One Of Them??

Confession

*This post is dedicated to both of my creators : Ma & Pa*

There's a significant reason on why I came up with this post. Of course, this doesn't justify for any of my actions nor my sibling's.

I (or shall I say We) grew up in a "Military Camp". YES! I've always described my (our) life as that. I (We) grew up following a routine timetable. From after school hours till we hit the sack. It was strictly to be followed or we were to face the consequences. During those days, Pizza Hut was a place for us to dine and 7-Eleven's Slurpee was an after meal treat. BUT, this would only happen if we were to remember Times Table PERFECTLY. Even one mistake would end us up staying home.

Monthly visits to meet the class teacher was crucial. It was scary but we got used to it. They were too involved in our lives that we never misbehaved much. Ma & Pa always said,"Don't think you can run away from any wrong doings. We know what you guys are doing. We have spies." Its funny when I think about it now because at that time, I actually believed them.

As I(we) became adolescents, things took a turn. We were rebels. Or maybe I was. I had this attitude-ego,rudeness,harshness and all the impoliteness in the world towards Ma. I felt that Ma hated my guts and always complains to dad about my attitude. God knows how many times I made Ma cried. I know, I was such a jackass back then.

Form 6 was crappy as hell. I had fun with my awesome friends. They were God to me. Home was hell. Being home just pissed the shit out of me and I took all the chances I can to stay over at my friend's place whenever I can. For ONE reason : So that I could go out till late night.

Eventually I graduated and got a job. Ma & Pa was the reason for my success. They absolutely are. And I got my brains back as well. I learned to respect Ma. I(We) still had curfew despite the fact that we were above 21. Ma & Pa thought it was necessary. We do break the curfew and faced the consequences. As time passed, we started getting home late. Pa apparently knew the reason but NEVER raised a question. I will not deny the guilt I have always had whenever I got home late.

And today, a confession had to be made. It was for the better. It breaks my heart that we disappointed Pa. It breaks me apart to see him act as if nothing had happened when his world has crashed. It tears me apart to be the cause for his pain. I will have to carry this guilt for the rest of my life because I(We) know that Pa will carry this pain for the rest of his life too. I'm sorry Pa. I'm terribly very sorry for the pain I've(We've) caused.

We have never been the type to show our love to each other but I want Ma & Pa to know that I love you guys dearly. Thank you for being the best. Just remember Pa, you have never failed in any way. You're an awesome dad. Ma, you're awesome too. You have done the best you can and all the mistakes came only from us. Any of my apology will never mend the pain that I've(We've) caused. I'm truly sorry for that.

I(We) Love You, Pa.
I(We) Love You, Ma.

YOU Are The Only Exception

I never thought I would be blogging about YOU, of all people. Of course, I might have did before this but that should have been in general. =)

To think it over, I barely knew YOU. I knew your presence during primary school. We never spoke though YOU were close to someone I know. I remember I had an eye on YOU when I was 12. DAMN RITE! I was 12. =)

We never spoke. Not even a "Hi". BUT, seeing YOU annually was more than enough for me. It never did make a difference but somehow it did. At least to me it did. Your presence itself made me happy. =)

That very short period of time in high school was awesome. Seeing YOU almost every morning was a boost till I left. Those were the days!! =)

Eventually I saw YOU annually again. We never spoke though. Just seeing YOU made me happy. =)

And then, there was the internet. I don't know whether YOU will be able to recall this (knowing YOU, I don't think YOU will), but we spoke quite often in ICQ. YOU used to help me with my lame issues in school back then. Those were the days! =)

Then we lost contact. 2 years gone by and there was no news. One fine day, I got hold of your cell number. Hallelujah!Thanx to my mum for that!!! And I sent a text. And I saw YOU annually again. Somehow I've always wondered why we never spoke in person whenever I see YOU annually. =)

And then eventually, we got to know each other. Not that well but well. Those booze sessions was fun and eye-opening. I got to know YOU more in person. The conversations we had were eye-opening as hell, both good and bad. BUT I would never deny the fact that YOU have always made me laugh or at least smile with your presence. =)

There were so many times when I totally gave up on YOU for being such an asshole but somehow I gave in. Just because YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION!!

Well, here I am, wishing you a Happy & Prosperous Birthday! Thank YOU for making me happy almost all the time. Not everyone is able to do that! =) =)

*If YOU ever happen to read this, check this video out. The girl looks so sweet (to me at least) but too bad I can't intro her to YOU * =)

REMINDER : Only the line "YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION" from this song applies to YOU. None of the rest. Or maybe just some. And NO! This is definitely not what you think it is. =)

Chiquita

Every 18 minutes in the US, someone dies by suicide
Every 19 minutes, some one is left to make sense of it

I heard about you today
and I believe there should be a solid reason for this to have happened

I heard about the judgmental comment
and I have always thought you're a people person

I heard about those stories
and I have always thought it is your personal rights

I heard about those news
And I have always thought you have been taken advantage of

I thought about those working days
How excited I was when I knew you would be there

Your presence made so much difference in the mood
I have always thought you're excellent in what you're doing

I have always thought one would feel better
when you treat with your friendly and cheerful nature

Little did I know this would happen
and again, I believe there should be a solid reason for this to have happened

I wish I could lend my shoulder for you to cry on
just the way I did the first time we met
Even though it was done for a total different purpose

Do get well!!
Please...

Footprints

Taken from Harivaindaran K. Veeriah's Facebook status :

It's been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don't hold grudges. They understand that life is busy and you will ALWAYS love them.

How far true is that???

Once upon a time, I had a gazillion friends (Okay, maybe not! But there were loads of them) My new found friends even asked how I made that much of friends. How I wonder! There's been so many characters and attitudes. Some which pleased me, some which annoy the crap outta me. I've accepted them for who they are as I believe in Individuality.

There was once a best friend.

There was once someone whom I can just spend hours with, WITHOUT ANY CONVERSATION. Absolute truth. It was the presence that mattered the most.

There was once someone whom I was deeply in love with.

There was once someone whom I text with from the moment I get up very early in the morning up till the moment I go to bed past midnight

There was once someone who wrote letters to me everyday.

There was once someone who made me breakfast everyday without fail.

There was once someone whom I can confide in about anything and everything in the world.

There was once someone whom I feel so superbly secured and comfortable with.

There was once someone who always kept me warm.

There was once someone who helped me through depression.

There was once someone whom I spent most of my weekends with.

There was once someone who knows what's been running in my mind without me telling.

There was once someone who made me smile endlessly.

There was once someone who sees me as a woman rather than merely a "kid".

There was once someone who loved me for who I am.

And Finally,

There was once I was very grateful for having ALL OF YOU but...

Now, here I am, wondering, where have all the gazillion friends gone??

There's nothing but footprints left...

~Time Changes People~

In Loving Memory

8th of April

Marks the birth of YOU.

A date that annually reminds me of the birthday card and the multiple pages of letters I wrote 5 years ago to be sent to YOU, only to realize, YOU were already gone by then.

YOU would have turned 26 today.

I'm pretty sure things would have been different with YOU around.

If there's one thing I should cherish and value the most, it would be YOUr letters. No one writes anymore. Not to me, at least.

I'm so sorry for not keeping my promise to YOUr Mum. I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry.

What I thought was a dream, was as real as it seems.

I miss YOU dearly.

Picture taken from http://cakecentral.com/gallery/66013

HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY!!

Prove Me Wrong

*This is my personal point of view based on the types of male I've known and observed* *If at all you're offended, I couldn't care less*

Male Chauvinist Pigs
Males are chauvinist by nature. Being masculine, they think they're better off from the females. Of course, to certain extend they are. But that doesn't give them any rights to be a freaking chauvinist, be bossy and exploit the females.

Playboys
Males are nature born players. It's in their genes.

Sweet Talkers
They sweet talk just to get what ever it is that they want from the female. I'm not denying the fact that the females feel flattered by the sweet talks. Ridiculously, they do fall for those lies. Males have the natural ability to sweet talk the females and sweep them off their feet. And they can come up with pretty good lines too. To the females. when the man sweet talks, he's planning BIG. It's for you to find out. Most of the time, they don't even mean what they've said. Heck, they wouldn't even remember if you bring it up in your next conversation.

"I'm the MAN. I'll pay the bill" type
Males tend to think that when they are out on a date, they are supposed to pay for all the expenses. Cut the crap on "Control macho" and "Male Ego". There's so much more than that. They bother so much on what others would think about them making the females pay. Just because you're out on a date, doesn't mean that you have to have all the expenses covered. Females are not free-loaders.

"Tit for Tat" type
Cheap mentality of the males. I've experienced this personally with most of the males I know. It amazes me how they apply this to various kinds of situation. A simple situation: The female spent about $10 for the male and he insist on spending approximately the same amount for the female, just to return the favor. Amazingly, the male actually said it out that it was just to return the favor of the female spending on him. WTF!!

Advantage seeker/Revengeful
Males always takes advantage of a situation and fires them right back at the females for what ever they have been offended of. When they get dumped, they hold a grudge towards the female and makes it an excuse to ill-treat the next one. They stereotype all the other females as well. They take revenge on the female just by telling off to others about the intimate details they have shared, making the female look cheap.

Unhygienic
I rarely see males with clean, short finger nails. Having long nails is not the problem. But not having clean ones is. Gosh! How do you males eat with those hand?? *Gross*

Many males that I've known don't bother to take care of their own selves. Their skin would be as dry as the Sahara Desert and they will still be reluctant to apply any form of lotion or moisturizer. They bother so much about what others would say about them being feminine. So much for their male ego, their skin gets flaky as the crocodile's skin. Geeez!! Applying self-care products doesn't make you less masculine at all. In fact, it shows that you take good care of yourself and in fact, it brings out more confidence in you.

Clearing throat to the point the whole neighbourhood could hear you! Clear it for yourself. You don't have to announce to the whole neighbourhood!! And please, stop spitting around. Your sputum or phlegm is very contagious. You're probably spreading TB all around. So, STOP !!!

Please, stop digging your nose in public, especially when you drive!! Damn it!!

Clingy type
The males get so clingy and attached to the girlfriend that they forget and ditch their other friends. They tend to set their priority for the relationship ALL THE TIME. Well, that's not the way to do it. Set your priorities RIGHT! In that way, when you get dumped, you will still have your friends around to help you out. Otherwise, you would end up being a lost puppy and eventually you'll turn to alcohol or nicotine addiction. It always turns out that way.

Fuck around but wants/has a steady girlfriend
How naive of the female *sigh* I haven't been enlightened on the logic behind this. It's probably lust and lack of self control. It's wrong however you may want to put it.

Gay
Their sexuality aside. They read a whole lot of books compared to straight males. In fact, I barely know any straight male who actually has a passion for books. They might be slightly socially deprived but they have great communicative ability and intellectual skills. They are much more civilized compared to the straight ones.

Self-Sufficient

A very short conversation between Mum and Me :

Mum : So, you've got a macha for yourself already??

Me : Nope

Mum : There should be someone. Right??

Me : Nope. None.

Mum : We'll see. Soon.

Me (annoyed) : Yeah, sure!

Mum : Already 26. How long do you plan to be single??

Me : For as long as I want and as long as I can. Thank you. *Walk away*

Provoked once again. On the lamest issue of all. What is wrong with everyone?? What is so vital about getting married?? As for me, the sole purpose of marriage is for free sex to continue the generation, adding up on the human population. I've never thought marriage was such a great thing. And NO! Just in case if you're wondering, I'm NOT from a broken family to be against the whole marriage issue. In fact, my parents are happily married for 30 years and still counting. Being in their shoes, I don't blame them for bugging me to get attached. BUT THEN AGAIN... no thanks.

What is so wrong about being self -sufficient?? I have been criticized of being afraid of commitments and failing in it. I was once told that I'll end up being a bitter old woman just because I'm too self-sufficient. One of my trainee even asked whether I am a lesbian. *WTF* I don't see why people have to make such a big fuss over me being self -sufficient. Of course, I'm not denying the fact that sometimes it does get lonely to the bone. But that doesn't mean marriage is the only solution.

I've known people who've gotten married for the wrong reasons. Be it fear of ending up alone for the rest of their life, to avoid having children at later age and marrying the wrong person just because they believe that's the best they can ever find even though the partner is such an asshole. I choose not to add myself into that statistics. No thank you.

It's easy to say "Get one!" or "Start hunting". It's not like I can just go to the departmental store, point to a particular man and tell the sales girl,"Please pack him for me." It doesn't work that way. To become attached with a person, you have to have some common interest. You gotta at least have the same frequency to get it going. It will never work otherwise. Don't give me crappy statements like "Opposites attracts" - physically maybe YES but otherwise- Hell No!

It doesn't bother me that I might end up all alone by myself as I have got the education, a job, my own ride, my collection of books. I'm just yet to get a place of my own and when I do, I'm settled for good. You see, I may just need a companion. Definitely not a husband. I would rather have a pet,which will fill the missing companion. The last thing that I ever need would be a husband or even a pest in the name of a boyfriend. No thanks to that.

I'm comfortable with the life I have now, with no strings attached. I'm not planning to change it except for the part that I would love to live on my own rather than living with my parents. I would have more space on my own that way. In fact, being single is definitely not being selfish. It's all about setting your priorities right and in this case, I'm putting myself first, exactly how it should be.

For all you buggers, QUIT. Seriously. Instead of bugging me to get married or get attached, spend your time on growing plants or something. It might do the world a big favour. Thank you.

Contentment

New year begins...

Dad : I wonder how long will I be alive and I still have one more responsibility to fulfill.

Mum : Can you get yourself a boyfriend??

Random people : You're getting old. When are you getting married??

HERE WE GO AGAIN! *sigh*

New year is all good, except for the dramas mentioned above.

I gotta say, after so many years, I began this new year feeling just content. Being the pessimistic person I am, I barely hope for the best things to come my way. I'm always prepared for the worst. I began the past few years feeling crappy and down in the dumps. Surprisingly, the years turned out rather satisfying. Somehow the birth of this year got me feeling content. I shall see what awaits for this year. >_<

New year was WELL spent: Shopping+Food+Movie+Teddy =)

*Love This Picture*

Dearest TEDDY,
Thank You
YOU MAKE ME SMILE
ALWAYS!
=)

If I Die Young

*An edited post from a blog which I've written on June 11, 2007*

SUICIDE - Here are some facts & figures :
a)In average, 7 people commits suicide each day in Malaysia
b)Nearly 2000 people commits suicide per year
c)It is estimated that suicide will be the second leading cause of death among Malaysia, after heart attacks

Suicide is ALWAYS RELATED TO STUPIDITY. Mention the word "suicide" and u can hear people going "That’s mere stupidity" or "How stupid can that be?"

One will not say suicide is pure stupidity if he/she had been suicidal or even had suicidal thoughts. Take note that I’m not promoting suicide nor I'm saying suicide is the way out. THIS IS MY PERSONAL POINT OF VIEW!

Being depressed once, I’ve always wondered should I live another day and I cursed myself for being alive. I felt so miserable and emotionally in pain. I hated every single thing about my life and was hoping for the fine day where I can actually end it. I USED to think suicide is an option to get away from problems. I’ve never tried anything massive though but the thought was always there. Seriously speaking, I didn’t really have the guts to actually hurt or kill myself but Ive always wondered how does it feel like to die and what’s life after death is all about.

Suicide to me is a decision made after a VERY long consideration. It’s not easy to decide on taking your own life, furthermore if it causes loads of pain and suffering. How many of us are really capable of taking our own life even if it cause you less pain such as consuming excessive sleeping pills and sleep yourself to death. When one had decided to commit suicide, it means that the person had already taken it into long consideration(be it for a rational reasons or not) and truly realize the consequences of their action. (Like duh!!)

People choose suicide as they feel there are no more options or ways to solve their problems, pain and sufferings. They come to a point where no matter how much they crack their skull to solve their problems they could only find a dead end and there is no other options available other than suicide. It’s a step taken to end all the sufferings and pain.

I truly look up to those who commits suicide or even attempts it. It’s a very bold and brave decision to take. It takes an awful load of courage to actually take your own life, facing the pain, dying little by little till the very last breath, waiting for the moment to be free from all the damned things in life. Whether they're able to find peace or true happiness through death is another question.

A friend of mine once told that she read from a religious book which said when a person commits suicide, the soul lingers. It would be stuck between the life and death until the time when they are really suppose to have died, and only then the soul would proceed to life after death! I've always wondered how true it is.

I bet that people believe that there is a reason behind every single thing in life. But how many of us applies it to death caused by suicide? If a person dies naturally, we accept it as God’s will. But why is it that when someone commits suicide, it is never taken the same. Logically speaking, If God would want you to live, He wouldn’t even initiate the thought of suicide. Everything that happens is God’s will. So, in God’s will, people commits suicide. So, it’s not wrong after all. If one were to think suicide is stupid, then God would be stupid as well. I'm not condemning God or what so ever but just speaking my mind.

But, I truly feel there should be some exceptions on the reasons to commit suicide. First of all, do not commit suicide for another person. That’s definitely not worth. This goes for all those soppy freaks who takes drastic decision on taking their life just because of love failure. Your life is so precious, why would you wanna waste it for someone who’s not even worth anything in your life. When you decide on anything, decide for yourself and not for others. After all, this is not worth the risk.

Curiosity of what life after death is all about can really be intriguing but have you heard, "CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT??" Yeah, once you kill yourself, it’s undone. So, decide. You wouldn't want to regret after committing suicide, in which I think you actually will.

It’s all in your hands though. Think wisely and decide! Don’t regret later on as it can’t be undone.

I would dedicate the song If I Die Young by The Band Perry (click to view) to all that has been there and done that.

Tattoo

You're On My Heart Just Like A Tattoo

~Jordin Sparks - Tattoo~

Kopi Cine (An awesome coffee place in Penang) provides a table wrapped with Mahjong Paper and crayons for the customers. Probably, this is the only blog post which has loads of pictures. To all these people : You're On My Heart, Just Like A Tattoo. =)

TEDDY

Dearest Teddy,

~YOU MAKE ME SMILE~

=)

Dear Dad

"Are you planning to quit?? That means you'll have to look for a new job once you're done. Will you even get a job in the first place?? Is it possible for you to go back to your current workplace after that?" ~From My dad

I know that he didn't mean to discourage me in anyway. It's just the typical mentality of him that worries about me starting from scratch again despite of my age. And Dad, "HELL NO! I'm not going back there". I wish I could say that to him. =P

I often wondered where life leads all of us to. Of course, most parts of life is actually what we have decided on and some parts of it just came along. To look at it in an uninteresting way, life is all about growing up. It's actually a monotonous life we lead here. As far as I know, Asians (or is it just Malaysians) has a very monotonous lifestyle.

You grow up, you go to school, college then you get your ass a secured job. Then you get a car, then you just work your ass more and more and get a house. Then you hunt for a partner (or just because you are scared to end up all alone for the rest of your life, you get yourself hooked to someone). You get married, have a child or two or a football team. Then, you work even harder to support your family, to educate your children. You try your very best to refrain your children from making mistakes. Your children will go through the same shit you got through and you get to watch it. Only thing is that your children learn shit on their own as they are not allowed to make any mistake.

Let's look at life from another point. How many of us got our dream job?? How many of us actually strive towards excellence and work for that dream. We tend to grab every job opportunities that pays well, without thinking for our own self satisfaction. If it makes us happy in some ways, that would be good enough. But what if it doesn't?? We have to dread ourselves every morning to go to work. Just because the job pays well, it doesn't assure you to happiness. Attending a job that you hate is never going to make you happy even if you earn a lot. Being in a shitty job drains you even more than you could ever imagine. Trust me on that.

Of course, money is everything now. As the lame saying goes "No Money No Talk". But, what's the point of being a millionaire if you have to live in misery and not even a tiny bit piece of you is happy. On the other hand, if you've chose to ignore your own happiness and just focus in the money itself, that's a different issue. But, there will be a point of time where you'd look back and you'll realize your job had drained so much off you for the money you're getting paid. Somehow, it's never late to just get a grip of your life and start all over again - since you've got the money. =P

If you think it's too late to follow your dream, think again. It's never too late. It's all about the self satisfaction and accomplishment that you feel once you get there. As the saying goes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a step". Grabbing opportunities is one thing and living your dreams is another. Given a chance, I would rather live my dreams and have all the tiny bit piece of me HAPPY. I wouldn't want to dread myself for the everyday routine and live in misery, doing something I never had the passion in. I would like to die doing what I love the most. It has been decided and I'm going to follow suit.

And Dad, I really don't bother whether I'll get a job later on because all I want to do is follow my dream. That's making me HAPPY and I'm going for it!! I know you'll never stop worrying about me starting from scratch again. But at the same time, I know you'll never stop me from doing what I have always wanted to do. And I thank you for that. =)

p.s : I Love You, Dad

How Is It Possible

...You ever love somebody so much, you can barely breathe....
...Now you're getting farqing sick of looking at 'em...

~Phrase from Eminem ft Rhianna: Love The Way You Lie~

It's so surprising to feel so annoyed and disgusted to just look or talk to the person that once had meant the whole world to you. How could it even be possible to feel such way?? Well, MAYBE ... :

It is possible when time and distance comes in the way. When the commitment of being committed in a relationship (regardless of the type) is not being fulfilled, the total concept of the relationship changes.

It is possible when in time, both party tend to take the relationship for granted. Either they are bored and tired of each other or they never had the time to spend together that it pulled them apart.

It is possible when both parties are separated by distance. Distance may cause drifting apart in a relationship but an effort put to bridge in and maintain a relationship makes a huge difference. And of course, coming from only one side isn't going to make a difference in any way.

It is possible when only one party is putting all the efforts into maintaining the relationship but the other party is just taking it as it goes. In short, there's only giving from one side and taking from the other side. There's no even distribution of the give and take policy. There's a point in life when you get so tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It is not giving up but it's realizing that you don't need certain people and the bullshit they bring.

It is possible when the sense of security and passion is not present. Sense of security and passion - one of the main key in a relationship. Without this key, relationship is going to be locked up for good.

It is possible when once upon a time, only the presence of that particular person was sufficient enough but now, the sight of the person itself piss the shit outta you.

It is possible when once upon a time you had so much of communication and now you barely have anything to say to each other. Communication breakdown itself brings a huge difference in a relationship.

People Just Make Me Talk

Out!

Acceptance

I was driving when I heard the advertisement on the radio based on "1 Malaysia" concept. A very good approach I would say. The advertisement some sort said "Don't judge others as you wouldn't want others to judge you." But then again, it got me thinking, do we ever stop judging others? Somehow, the advertisement just didn't reach it's goal. All of us judge others based on first impression, be it the way they dress, talk, eat or even the way they stand still. And yet, we put up a front and say "Don't judge others."

When you see a female on the bigger size wearing tight skimpy clothes, you tend to just stare at her to the extend your eyeballs were popping out of the socket. Then you go, "Check out the Michelin mascot! She needs a mirror!" I won't deny the fact that I've had thought such things before. But, to think of it, it all actually comes to the self confidence and the acceptance of the person itself. She is just being comfortable and confident in those clothes. Just because you are not comfortable in such clothes, doesn't mean others should feel the same way too.

When you see a person with a stern frowning face, you tend to judge the person as a snob when the truth is the person is just born with it and can't afford major reconstruction on that very face. You can't just judge a person merely by physical appearance. Facial expression is totally a different thing. They have so much of messages to convey. In the end, u don't have a choice but to judge it yourself. Somehow or rather, judging takes place here. That doesn't mean it gives you the right to judge the personality of that particular person. Some people are just comfortable being on their own rather than being all hyped up in a crowd.

When a person speaks his mind and it turned out to be a nasty remark, you label him as "rude". This happens out of frustration of being belittled in front of others. You'll hate him for life due to that. On the other hand, how many of us actually speak our mind?? It's either we lie or just pretend to be happy with what ever the other party does. It's all because the person wouldn't accept the nasty remark you're about to make and of course, it's because you wouldn't want to be labeled as "rude" and end up being all alone for the rest of your life just because you are being true to yourself. I have only one thing to say, YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE. If at all there is anyone you should please, it should be your own self.

As a conclusion, we are always in denial. We will never accept people for being who they are. We can never accept the fact that we are being judged and we will never stop judging others. In the end, "acceptance" is just a random word in dictionary which we will never put into practice.

Hidup Ini Penjara

Blue - Picture taken from Star Cruise Ship via Sony Ericsson C902.
It's so amazing how awfully blue you tend to feel sometimes...
~Solitude~

Credit for the picture goes to Noryusma

Just when I thought the whole world is crashing down, this picture put a smile on my sour face
These are the people who have made my life rather interesting and so much fun to live with during school days. And I would like to just thank all of them for making my school life so damn AWESOME!
*Those were the days*
~sigh~

..And So He Has Spoken

"You're 25 and you're not married??" That's the exact question a blood donor asked me a few weeks ago. It's not just him. It happens every other time when I attend a wedding- be it a friend's or relative's. All They care is me being 25 and not married. And They kept pestering me to keep hunting, which I have already gave up dinosaurs years ago. Not forgetting the Matchmaking Efforts by a significant friend of mine - Sorry dear! It just don't work out that way..

Marriage is just not in my mind for now and Maybe for a very long time. When my parents started talking about marriage few weeks ago, I laughed my ass off. Honestly, I find it funny as both of them were clueless on how to start the conversation. When Dad finally broke the news, I laughed my azz off as it wasn't what I had expected them to talk about. Eventually I was stopped from laughing all the way and serious conversation started. This is where reality strike badly and made me think so much. In fact, I became slightly paranoid.

The very first thought was "I have to be so much considerate for all the in laws and all the other strangers whom I barely know." With this, I can never be myself. I may have to act. I have to filter every thought and words to be said-which I rarely do in life. Being home, I'm free to speak what's on my mind, even if it's an offending remark, they understand just because they know that's the way I am. Do I actually have to listen to all the others and just follow even though I'm not happy? Or am I suppose to confide in my partner and forever complain about everything that I'm not satisfied with? Only if he's willing to listen. What If he is not??

Will I have the freedom that I have at home?? Will I be able to just go out as I simply pleased? Will I ever be able to just go for a drive just because I feel like it?? Will I be able to go out with my friends for a drink as usual?? Will I be able to just have my privacy for some time?? Will I ever be allowed to meet up with any male friends that I've had all my life?? Do I need permission to do all that due to the new status but at home, I don't ask but only inform.

Cooking is so not my thing at all. I have never bothered to learn cooking and I don't know how to cook. Will they blame my mum for not teaching all her skills?? Am I supposed to force myself to do something that I never had interest in? Even my mum had never forced me to learn cooking.

The conditions I have for the marriage- will it ever last?? Will they force me to change my mind? Will I actually change my mind for them just because I'm forced to?? Will I be enforced into something that I never want to have and be responsible for it??

Will the marriage even last in the first place?? I won't know till I step into one. But, this is not a trial and error session to deal with as it costs my life. This is why I have been ignoring the whole marriage issue as all my questions leads from one to another. And I never seem to get perfect, secured answers for them. And I guess, this very ignorance has made a greater impact on all my insecurities towards marriage, which is why reality strike so badly...

Beautifully Broken

*Inspired by "Stray Thoughts" - The Sunday Star*

The article "Broken People" on the newspaper caught my attention. It was indeed a very simple article regarding happiness and pain that got me questioning about my very own self. How many of us are actually being happy to the core? Happy here I meant - REALLY HAPPY-which is being happy without feeling broken or hurt inside-happy without any grudge. Happy of being carefree. Anyone?? If you think you are happy, think again.. Are you REALLY HAPPY about everything??

What is it exactly that makes you feel happy or content perhaps. Is it the amount of cash you have/earn or is it being with your loved ones or is it because of the sense of accomplishment that you feel??

To think of it, happiness is just a temporary phase. Most of the time, we dwell in our "long time ago in a faraway land" issue that had made us feel sad, heartbroken or angry. Just for a thought, have you let go of the fact that you have been hurt by that one person you have loved the most in your life? Do you actually want to let go ? Would you ever let go of it?

We are all actors in the theater of life. A whole lot of us are walking around with so much of grudge and disappointment in within but put up a happy front. Certain acts of people towards us will never fade in time just because we never want to let go of it. Somehow, it is a form of revenge that we seek. When people say time heals, it actually doesn't. It might take forever because we are never willing to let go of even the slightest pain someone caused us.

So, what does it really take for us to be happy to the core?? Is it even possible??

o.O

Yet to find the answer..

Relationship-An Abusive One

November 21st 2009, 630am - I received a phone call with a loud cry that said, "Hemaa, he's going to kill me!!! He wants me to die!!" and the line got disconnected. 10 minutes later, got a phone call again with the same cry and statement only with additional panting effect and the line got disconnected. I tried calling back for god knows how many times but couldn't get through. Imagine this : 630am, you're getting ready for work and you got THIS phone call from a dear friend of yours that lives about hundreds of kilometer away from you. What would you do ?? Well, I was dumb-strucked!! The failure to reach her again just added spice to that. Eventually, after a few hours, I managed to get her on the phone and I was so relieved to hear that she had managed to escape herself from death. What actually happened??

Her (ex)boyfriend which she used to live with tried to kill her by forcing her to jump into the sea just because she had left him and his other fling is leaving him as well. Not forgetting the part where she was beaten and kicked (which was the main reason why she left him) and even given just ten minutes to make her last call to whomever she wants for the very last time (in which she actually called ME). Somehow she managed to escape and made a police report which there was no action taken.

According to a survey, every 1 in 3 female is involved in an abusive relationship, be it physically, mentally or sexually. Some face death threats and some even got killed by their possessive psychopath boyfriends/husband!! In other cases, some even killed their husband/boyfriends out of self- protection. If at all you realize you are involved in any form of abusive relationship, LEAVE the fucker him for GOOD!!! REMEMBER, if he hit you ONCE, he WILL hit you AGAIN!!!! No matter how sorry he feels after hitting you and promised not to repeat it, he WILL!! Just because that's the only way he can channel his anger, frustration, and possessiveness.

You seriously need to get out of the relationship when

1. He's having flings everywhere
   
2. He keeps on calling to check where you're at
   
3. He stalks on you
   
4. He refrains you from communicating with the outside world - friends, neighbors
   
5. He limits your movement
   
6. He keeps track of the time and distance from home to the closest departmental store
7. He starts to use abusive language on you in front of others-his friends,your friends, etc
   
8. He hits you - even if its just a SLAP or a SLAM on the wall

Please don't :

1. Stay in the relationship just because he make it up to you after all the fights
2. Stay in the relationship just because your kids need a father - They will be so much better off without him
   
3. Stay in the relationship just because you have no options on where to run or what to do about your life

It's your life that you have to live with. Don't live in fear! Move out and start anew. Don't be the victim!!

And yes, after all the physical and verbal abuse my friend went through, she is now doing very fine without that fucker boyfriend. Please, leave before it's too late and Let this be a lesson for everyone to learn!!