Chiquita

Every 18 minutes in the US, someone dies by suicide
Every 19 minutes, some one is left to make sense of it

I heard about you today
and I believe there should be a solid reason for this to have happened

I heard about the judgmental comment
and I have always thought you're a people person

I heard about those stories
and I have always thought it is your personal rights

I heard about those news
And I have always thought you have been taken advantage of

I thought about those working days
How excited I was when I knew you would be there

Your presence made so much difference in the mood
I have always thought you're excellent in what you're doing

I have always thought one would feel better
when you treat with your friendly and cheerful nature

Little did I know this would happen
and again, I believe there should be a solid reason for this to have happened

I wish I could lend my shoulder for you to cry on
just the way I did the first time we met
Even though it was done for a total different purpose

Do get well!!
Please...

Footprints

Taken from Harivaindaran K. Veeriah's Facebook status :

It's been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don't hold grudges. They understand that life is busy and you will ALWAYS love them.

How far true is that???

Once upon a time, I had a gazillion friends (Okay, maybe not! But there were loads of them) My new found friends even asked how I made that much of friends. How I wonder! There's been so many characters and attitudes. Some which pleased me, some which annoy the crap outta me. I've accepted them for who they are as I believe in Individuality.

There was once a best friend.

There was once someone whom I can just spend hours with, WITHOUT ANY CONVERSATION. Absolute truth. It was the presence that mattered the most.

There was once someone whom I was deeply in love with.

There was once someone whom I text with from the moment I get up very early in the morning up till the moment I go to bed past midnight

There was once someone who wrote letters to me everyday.

There was once someone who made me breakfast everyday without fail.

There was once someone whom I can confide in about anything and everything in the world.

There was once someone whom I feel so superbly secured and comfortable with.

There was once someone who always kept me warm.

There was once someone who helped me through depression.

There was once someone whom I spent most of my weekends with.

There was once someone who knows what's been running in my mind without me telling.

There was once someone who made me smile endlessly.

There was once someone who sees me as a woman rather than merely a "kid".

There was once someone who loved me for who I am.

And Finally,

There was once I was very grateful for having ALL OF YOU but...

Now, here I am, wondering, where have all the gazillion friends gone??

There's nothing but footprints left...

~Time Changes People~

In Loving Memory

8th of April

Marks the birth of YOU.

A date that annually reminds me of the birthday card and the multiple pages of letters I wrote 5 years ago to be sent to YOU, only to realize, YOU were already gone by then.

YOU would have turned 26 today.

I'm pretty sure things would have been different with YOU around.

If there's one thing I should cherish and value the most, it would be YOUr letters. No one writes anymore. Not to me, at least.

I'm so sorry for not keeping my promise to YOUr Mum. I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry.

What I thought was a dream, was as real as it seems.

I miss YOU dearly.

Picture taken from http://cakecentral.com/gallery/66013

HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY!!

Prove Me Wrong

*This is my personal point of view based on the types of male I've known and observed* *If at all you're offended, I couldn't care less*

Male Chauvinist Pigs
Males are chauvinist by nature. Being masculine, they think they're better off from the females. Of course, to certain extend they are. But that doesn't give them any rights to be a freaking chauvinist, be bossy and exploit the females.

Playboys
Males are nature born players. It's in their genes.

Sweet Talkers
They sweet talk just to get what ever it is that they want from the female. I'm not denying the fact that the females feel flattered by the sweet talks. Ridiculously, they do fall for those lies. Males have the natural ability to sweet talk the females and sweep them off their feet. And they can come up with pretty good lines too. To the females. when the man sweet talks, he's planning BIG. It's for you to find out. Most of the time, they don't even mean what they've said. Heck, they wouldn't even remember if you bring it up in your next conversation.

"I'm the MAN. I'll pay the bill" type
Males tend to think that when they are out on a date, they are supposed to pay for all the expenses. Cut the crap on "Control macho" and "Male Ego". There's so much more than that. They bother so much on what others would think about them making the females pay. Just because you're out on a date, doesn't mean that you have to have all the expenses covered. Females are not free-loaders.

"Tit for Tat" type
Cheap mentality of the males. I've experienced this personally with most of the males I know. It amazes me how they apply this to various kinds of situation. A simple situation: The female spent about $10 for the male and he insist on spending approximately the same amount for the female, just to return the favor. Amazingly, the male actually said it out that it was just to return the favor of the female spending on him. WTF!!

Advantage seeker/Revengeful
Males always takes advantage of a situation and fires them right back at the females for what ever they have been offended of. When they get dumped, they hold a grudge towards the female and makes it an excuse to ill-treat the next one. They stereotype all the other females as well. They take revenge on the female just by telling off to others about the intimate details they have shared, making the female look cheap.

Unhygienic
I rarely see males with clean, short finger nails. Having long nails is not the problem. But not having clean ones is. Gosh! How do you males eat with those hand?? *Gross*

Many males that I've known don't bother to take care of their own selves. Their skin would be as dry as the Sahara Desert and they will still be reluctant to apply any form of lotion or moisturizer. They bother so much about what others would say about them being feminine. So much for their male ego, their skin gets flaky as the crocodile's skin. Geeez!! Applying self-care products doesn't make you less masculine at all. In fact, it shows that you take good care of yourself and in fact, it brings out more confidence in you.

Clearing throat to the point the whole neighbourhood could hear you! Clear it for yourself. You don't have to announce to the whole neighbourhood!! And please, stop spitting around. Your sputum or phlegm is very contagious. You're probably spreading TB all around. So, STOP !!!

Please, stop digging your nose in public, especially when you drive!! Damn it!!

Clingy type
The males get so clingy and attached to the girlfriend that they forget and ditch their other friends. They tend to set their priority for the relationship ALL THE TIME. Well, that's not the way to do it. Set your priorities RIGHT! In that way, when you get dumped, you will still have your friends around to help you out. Otherwise, you would end up being a lost puppy and eventually you'll turn to alcohol or nicotine addiction. It always turns out that way.

Fuck around but wants/has a steady girlfriend
How naive of the female *sigh* I haven't been enlightened on the logic behind this. It's probably lust and lack of self control. It's wrong however you may want to put it.

Gay
Their sexuality aside. They read a whole lot of books compared to straight males. In fact, I barely know any straight male who actually has a passion for books. They might be slightly socially deprived but they have great communicative ability and intellectual skills. They are much more civilized compared to the straight ones.

Self-Sufficient

A very short conversation between Mum and Me :

Mum : So, you've got a macha for yourself already??

Me : Nope

Mum : There should be someone. Right??

Me : Nope. None.

Mum : We'll see. Soon.

Me (annoyed) : Yeah, sure!

Mum : Already 26. How long do you plan to be single??

Me : For as long as I want and as long as I can. Thank you. *Walk away*

Provoked once again. On the lamest issue of all. What is wrong with everyone?? What is so vital about getting married?? As for me, the sole purpose of marriage is for free sex to continue the generation, adding up on the human population. I've never thought marriage was such a great thing. And NO! Just in case if you're wondering, I'm NOT from a broken family to be against the whole marriage issue. In fact, my parents are happily married for 30 years and still counting. Being in their shoes, I don't blame them for bugging me to get attached. BUT THEN AGAIN... no thanks.

What is so wrong about being self -sufficient?? I have been criticized of being afraid of commitments and failing in it. I was once told that I'll end up being a bitter old woman just because I'm too self-sufficient. One of my trainee even asked whether I am a lesbian. *WTF* I don't see why people have to make such a big fuss over me being self -sufficient. Of course, I'm not denying the fact that sometimes it does get lonely to the bone. But that doesn't mean marriage is the only solution.

I've known people who've gotten married for the wrong reasons. Be it fear of ending up alone for the rest of their life, to avoid having children at later age and marrying the wrong person just because they believe that's the best they can ever find even though the partner is such an asshole. I choose not to add myself into that statistics. No thank you.

It's easy to say "Get one!" or "Start hunting". It's not like I can just go to the departmental store, point to a particular man and tell the sales girl,"Please pack him for me." It doesn't work that way. To become attached with a person, you have to have some common interest. You gotta at least have the same frequency to get it going. It will never work otherwise. Don't give me crappy statements like "Opposites attracts" - physically maybe YES but otherwise- Hell No!

It doesn't bother me that I might end up all alone by myself as I have got the education, a job, my own ride, my collection of books. I'm just yet to get a place of my own and when I do, I'm settled for good. You see, I may just need a companion. Definitely not a husband. I would rather have a pet,which will fill the missing companion. The last thing that I ever need would be a husband or even a pest in the name of a boyfriend. No thanks to that.

I'm comfortable with the life I have now, with no strings attached. I'm not planning to change it except for the part that I would love to live on my own rather than living with my parents. I would have more space on my own that way. In fact, being single is definitely not being selfish. It's all about setting your priorities right and in this case, I'm putting myself first, exactly how it should be.

For all you buggers, QUIT. Seriously. Instead of bugging me to get married or get attached, spend your time on growing plants or something. It might do the world a big favour. Thank you.

Contentment

New year begins...

Dad : I wonder how long will I be alive and I still have one more responsibility to fulfill.

Mum : Can you get yourself a boyfriend??

Random people : You're getting old. When are you getting married??

HERE WE GO AGAIN! *sigh*

New year is all good, except for the dramas mentioned above.

I gotta say, after so many years, I began this new year feeling just content. Being the pessimistic person I am, I barely hope for the best things to come my way. I'm always prepared for the worst. I began the past few years feeling crappy and down in the dumps. Surprisingly, the years turned out rather satisfying. Somehow the birth of this year got me feeling content. I shall see what awaits for this year. >_<

New year was WELL spent: Shopping+Food+Movie+Teddy =)

*Love This Picture*

Dearest TEDDY,
Thank You
YOU MAKE ME SMILE
ALWAYS!
=)

If I Die Young

*An edited post from a blog which I've written on June 11, 2007*

SUICIDE - Here are some facts & figures :
a)In average, 7 people commits suicide each day in Malaysia
b)Nearly 2000 people commits suicide per year
c)It is estimated that suicide will be the second leading cause of death among Malaysia, after heart attacks

Suicide is ALWAYS RELATED TO STUPIDITY. Mention the word "suicide" and u can hear people going "That’s mere stupidity" or "How stupid can that be?"

One will not say suicide is pure stupidity if he/she had been suicidal or even had suicidal thoughts. Take note that I’m not promoting suicide nor I'm saying suicide is the way out. THIS IS MY PERSONAL POINT OF VIEW!

Being depressed once, I’ve always wondered should I live another day and I cursed myself for being alive. I felt so miserable and emotionally in pain. I hated every single thing about my life and was hoping for the fine day where I can actually end it. I USED to think suicide is an option to get away from problems. I’ve never tried anything massive though but the thought was always there. Seriously speaking, I didn’t really have the guts to actually hurt or kill myself but Ive always wondered how does it feel like to die and what’s life after death is all about.

Suicide to me is a decision made after a VERY long consideration. It’s not easy to decide on taking your own life, furthermore if it causes loads of pain and suffering. How many of us are really capable of taking our own life even if it cause you less pain such as consuming excessive sleeping pills and sleep yourself to death. When one had decided to commit suicide, it means that the person had already taken it into long consideration(be it for a rational reasons or not) and truly realize the consequences of their action. (Like duh!!)

People choose suicide as they feel there are no more options or ways to solve their problems, pain and sufferings. They come to a point where no matter how much they crack their skull to solve their problems they could only find a dead end and there is no other options available other than suicide. It’s a step taken to end all the sufferings and pain.

I truly look up to those who commits suicide or even attempts it. It’s a very bold and brave decision to take. It takes an awful load of courage to actually take your own life, facing the pain, dying little by little till the very last breath, waiting for the moment to be free from all the damned things in life. Whether they're able to find peace or true happiness through death is another question.

A friend of mine once told that she read from a religious book which said when a person commits suicide, the soul lingers. It would be stuck between the life and death until the time when they are really suppose to have died, and only then the soul would proceed to life after death! I've always wondered how true it is.

I bet that people believe that there is a reason behind every single thing in life. But how many of us applies it to death caused by suicide? If a person dies naturally, we accept it as God’s will. But why is it that when someone commits suicide, it is never taken the same. Logically speaking, If God would want you to live, He wouldn’t even initiate the thought of suicide. Everything that happens is God’s will. So, in God’s will, people commits suicide. So, it’s not wrong after all. If one were to think suicide is stupid, then God would be stupid as well. I'm not condemning God or what so ever but just speaking my mind.

But, I truly feel there should be some exceptions on the reasons to commit suicide. First of all, do not commit suicide for another person. That’s definitely not worth. This goes for all those soppy freaks who takes drastic decision on taking their life just because of love failure. Your life is so precious, why would you wanna waste it for someone who’s not even worth anything in your life. When you decide on anything, decide for yourself and not for others. After all, this is not worth the risk.

Curiosity of what life after death is all about can really be intriguing but have you heard, "CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT??" Yeah, once you kill yourself, it’s undone. So, decide. You wouldn't want to regret after committing suicide, in which I think you actually will.

It’s all in your hands though. Think wisely and decide! Don’t regret later on as it can’t be undone.

I would dedicate the song If I Die Young by The Band Perry (click to view) to all that has been there and done that.

Tattoo

You're On My Heart Just Like A Tattoo

~Jordin Sparks - Tattoo~

Kopi Cine (An awesome coffee place in Penang) provides a table wrapped with Mahjong Paper and crayons for the customers. Probably, this is the only blog post which has loads of pictures. To all these people : You're On My Heart, Just Like A Tattoo. =)

TEDDY

Dearest Teddy,

~YOU MAKE ME SMILE~

=)

Dear Dad

"Are you planning to quit?? That means you'll have to look for a new job once you're done. Will you even get a job in the first place?? Is it possible for you to go back to your current workplace after that?" ~From My dad

I know that he didn't mean to discourage me in anyway. It's just the typical mentality of him that worries about me starting from scratch again despite of my age. And Dad, "HELL NO! I'm not going back there". I wish I could say that to him. =P

I often wondered where life leads all of us to. Of course, most parts of life is actually what we have decided on and some parts of it just came along. To look at it in an uninteresting way, life is all about growing up. It's actually a monotonous life we lead here. As far as I know, Asians (or is it just Malaysians) has a very monotonous lifestyle.

You grow up, you go to school, college then you get your ass a secured job. Then you get a car, then you just work your ass more and more and get a house. Then you hunt for a partner (or just because you are scared to end up all alone for the rest of your life, you get yourself hooked to someone). You get married, have a child or two or a football team. Then, you work even harder to support your family, to educate your children. You try your very best to refrain your children from making mistakes. Your children will go through the same shit you got through and you get to watch it. Only thing is that your children learn shit on their own as they are not allowed to make any mistake.

Let's look at life from another point. How many of us got our dream job?? How many of us actually strive towards excellence and work for that dream. We tend to grab every job opportunities that pays well, without thinking for our own self satisfaction. If it makes us happy in some ways, that would be good enough. But what if it doesn't?? We have to dread ourselves every morning to go to work. Just because the job pays well, it doesn't assure you to happiness. Attending a job that you hate is never going to make you happy even if you earn a lot. Being in a shitty job drains you even more than you could ever imagine. Trust me on that.

Of course, money is everything now. As the lame saying goes "No Money No Talk". But, what's the point of being a millionaire if you have to live in misery and not even a tiny bit piece of you is happy. On the other hand, if you've chose to ignore your own happiness and just focus in the money itself, that's a different issue. But, there will be a point of time where you'd look back and you'll realize your job had drained so much off you for the money you're getting paid. Somehow, it's never late to just get a grip of your life and start all over again - since you've got the money. =P

If you think it's too late to follow your dream, think again. It's never too late. It's all about the self satisfaction and accomplishment that you feel once you get there. As the saying goes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a step". Grabbing opportunities is one thing and living your dreams is another. Given a chance, I would rather live my dreams and have all the tiny bit piece of me HAPPY. I wouldn't want to dread myself for the everyday routine and live in misery, doing something I never had the passion in. I would like to die doing what I love the most. It has been decided and I'm going to follow suit.

And Dad, I really don't bother whether I'll get a job later on because all I want to do is follow my dream. That's making me HAPPY and I'm going for it!! I know you'll never stop worrying about me starting from scratch again. But at the same time, I know you'll never stop me from doing what I have always wanted to do. And I thank you for that. =)

p.s : I Love You, Dad

How Is It Possible

...You ever love somebody so much, you can barely breathe....
...Now you're getting farqing sick of looking at 'em...

~Phrase from Eminem ft Rhianna: Love The Way You Lie~

It's so surprising to feel so annoyed and disgusted to just look or talk to the person that once had meant the whole world to you. How could it even be possible to feel such way?? Well, MAYBE ... :

It is possible when time and distance comes in the way. When the commitment of being committed in a relationship (regardless of the type) is not being fulfilled, the total concept of the relationship changes.

It is possible when in time, both party tend to take the relationship for granted. Either they are bored and tired of each other or they never had the time to spend together that it pulled them apart.

It is possible when both parties are separated by distance. Distance may cause drifting apart in a relationship but an effort put to bridge in and maintain a relationship makes a huge difference. And of course, coming from only one side isn't going to make a difference in any way.

It is possible when only one party is putting all the efforts into maintaining the relationship but the other party is just taking it as it goes. In short, there's only giving from one side and taking from the other side. There's no even distribution of the give and take policy. There's a point in life when you get so tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It is not giving up but it's realizing that you don't need certain people and the bullshit they bring.

It is possible when the sense of security and passion is not present. Sense of security and passion - one of the main key in a relationship. Without this key, relationship is going to be locked up for good.

It is possible when once upon a time, only the presence of that particular person was sufficient enough but now, the sight of the person itself piss the shit outta you.

It is possible when once upon a time you had so much of communication and now you barely have anything to say to each other. Communication breakdown itself brings a huge difference in a relationship.

People Just Make Me Talk

Out!

Acceptance

I was driving when I heard the advertisement on the radio based on "1 Malaysia" concept. A very good approach I would say. The advertisement some sort said "Don't judge others as you wouldn't want others to judge you." But then again, it got me thinking, do we ever stop judging others? Somehow, the advertisement just didn't reach it's goal. All of us judge others based on first impression, be it the way they dress, talk, eat or even the way they stand still. And yet, we put up a front and say "Don't judge others."

When you see a female on the bigger size wearing tight skimpy clothes, you tend to just stare at her to the extend your eyeballs were popping out of the socket. Then you go, "Check out the Michelin mascot! She needs a mirror!" I won't deny the fact that I've had thought such things before. But, to think of it, it all actually comes to the self confidence and the acceptance of the person itself. She is just being comfortable and confident in those clothes. Just because you are not comfortable in such clothes, doesn't mean others should feel the same way too.

When you see a person with a stern frowning face, you tend to judge the person as a snob when the truth is the person is just born with it and can't afford major reconstruction on that very face. You can't just judge a person merely by physical appearance. Facial expression is totally a different thing. They have so much of messages to convey. In the end, u don't have a choice but to judge it yourself. Somehow or rather, judging takes place here. That doesn't mean it gives you the right to judge the personality of that particular person. Some people are just comfortable being on their own rather than being all hyped up in a crowd.

When a person speaks his mind and it turned out to be a nasty remark, you label him as "rude". This happens out of frustration of being belittled in front of others. You'll hate him for life due to that. On the other hand, how many of us actually speak our mind?? It's either we lie or just pretend to be happy with what ever the other party does. It's all because the person wouldn't accept the nasty remark you're about to make and of course, it's because you wouldn't want to be labeled as "rude" and end up being all alone for the rest of your life just because you are being true to yourself. I have only one thing to say, YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE. If at all there is anyone you should please, it should be your own self.

As a conclusion, we are always in denial. We will never accept people for being who they are. We can never accept the fact that we are being judged and we will never stop judging others. In the end, "acceptance" is just a random word in dictionary which we will never put into practice.

Hidup Ini Penjara

Blue - Picture taken from Star Cruise Ship via Sony Ericsson C902.
It's so amazing how awfully blue you tend to feel sometimes...
~Solitude~

Credit for the picture goes to Noryusma

Just when I thought the whole world is crashing down, this picture put a smile on my sour face
These are the people who have made my life rather interesting and so much fun to live with during school days. And I would like to just thank all of them for making my school life so damn AWESOME!
*Those were the days*
~sigh~

..And So He Has Spoken

"You're 25 and you're not married??" That's the exact question a blood donor asked me a few weeks ago. It's not just him. It happens every other time when I attend a wedding- be it a friend's or relative's. All They care is me being 25 and not married. And They kept pestering me to keep hunting, which I have already gave up dinosaurs years ago. Not forgetting the Matchmaking Efforts by a significant friend of mine - Sorry dear! It just don't work out that way..

Marriage is just not in my mind for now and Maybe for a very long time. When my parents started talking about marriage few weeks ago, I laughed my ass off. Honestly, I find it funny as both of them were clueless on how to start the conversation. When Dad finally broke the news, I laughed my azz off as it wasn't what I had expected them to talk about. Eventually I was stopped from laughing all the way and serious conversation started. This is where reality strike badly and made me think so much. In fact, I became slightly paranoid.

The very first thought was "I have to be so much considerate for all the in laws and all the other strangers whom I barely know." With this, I can never be myself. I may have to act. I have to filter every thought and words to be said-which I rarely do in life. Being home, I'm free to speak what's on my mind, even if it's an offending remark, they understand just because they know that's the way I am. Do I actually have to listen to all the others and just follow even though I'm not happy? Or am I suppose to confide in my partner and forever complain about everything that I'm not satisfied with? Only if he's willing to listen. What If he is not??

Will I have the freedom that I have at home?? Will I be able to just go out as I simply pleased? Will I ever be able to just go for a drive just because I feel like it?? Will I be able to go out with my friends for a drink as usual?? Will I be able to just have my privacy for some time?? Will I ever be allowed to meet up with any male friends that I've had all my life?? Do I need permission to do all that due to the new status but at home, I don't ask but only inform.

Cooking is so not my thing at all. I have never bothered to learn cooking and I don't know how to cook. Will they blame my mum for not teaching all her skills?? Am I supposed to force myself to do something that I never had interest in? Even my mum had never forced me to learn cooking.

The conditions I have for the marriage- will it ever last?? Will they force me to change my mind? Will I actually change my mind for them just because I'm forced to?? Will I be enforced into something that I never want to have and be responsible for it??

Will the marriage even last in the first place?? I won't know till I step into one. But, this is not a trial and error session to deal with as it costs my life. This is why I have been ignoring the whole marriage issue as all my questions leads from one to another. And I never seem to get perfect, secured answers for them. And I guess, this very ignorance has made a greater impact on all my insecurities towards marriage, which is why reality strike so badly...

Beautifully Broken

*Inspired by "Stray Thoughts" - The Sunday Star*

The article "Broken People" on the newspaper caught my attention. It was indeed a very simple article regarding happiness and pain that got me questioning about my very own self. How many of us are actually being happy to the core? Happy here I meant - REALLY HAPPY-which is being happy without feeling broken or hurt inside-happy without any grudge. Happy of being carefree. Anyone?? If you think you are happy, think again.. Are you REALLY HAPPY about everything??

What is it exactly that makes you feel happy or content perhaps. Is it the amount of cash you have/earn or is it being with your loved ones or is it because of the sense of accomplishment that you feel??

To think of it, happiness is just a temporary phase. Most of the time, we dwell in our "long time ago in a faraway land" issue that had made us feel sad, heartbroken or angry. Just for a thought, have you let go of the fact that you have been hurt by that one person you have loved the most in your life? Do you actually want to let go ? Would you ever let go of it?

We are all actors in the theater of life. A whole lot of us are walking around with so much of grudge and disappointment in within but put up a happy front. Certain acts of people towards us will never fade in time just because we never want to let go of it. Somehow, it is a form of revenge that we seek. When people say time heals, it actually doesn't. It might take forever because we are never willing to let go of even the slightest pain someone caused us.

So, what does it really take for us to be happy to the core?? Is it even possible??

o.O

Yet to find the answer..

Relationship-An Abusive One

November 21st 2009, 630am - I received a phone call with a loud cry that said, "Hemaa, he's going to kill me!!! He wants me to die!!" and the line got disconnected. 10 minutes later, got a phone call again with the same cry and statement only with additional panting effect and the line got disconnected. I tried calling back for god knows how many times but couldn't get through. Imagine this : 630am, you're getting ready for work and you got THIS phone call from a dear friend of yours that lives about hundreds of kilometer away from you. What would you do ?? Well, I was dumb-strucked!! The failure to reach her again just added spice to that. Eventually, after a few hours, I managed to get her on the phone and I was so relieved to hear that she had managed to escape herself from death. What actually happened??

Her (ex)boyfriend which she used to live with tried to kill her by forcing her to jump into the sea just because she had left him and his other fling is leaving him as well. Not forgetting the part where she was beaten and kicked (which was the main reason why she left him) and even given just ten minutes to make her last call to whomever she wants for the very last time (in which she actually called ME). Somehow she managed to escape and made a police report which there was no action taken.

According to a survey, every 1 in 3 female is involved in an abusive relationship, be it physically, mentally or sexually. Some face death threats and some even got killed by their possessive psychopath boyfriends/husband!! In other cases, some even killed their husband/boyfriends out of self- protection. If at all you realize you are involved in any form of abusive relationship, LEAVE the fucker him for GOOD!!! REMEMBER, if he hit you ONCE, he WILL hit you AGAIN!!!! No matter how sorry he feels after hitting you and promised not to repeat it, he WILL!! Just because that's the only way he can channel his anger, frustration, and possessiveness.

You seriously need to get out of the relationship when

1. He's having flings everywhere
   
2. He keeps on calling to check where you're at
   
3. He stalks on you
   
4. He refrains you from communicating with the outside world - friends, neighbors
   
5. He limits your movement
   
6. He keeps track of the time and distance from home to the closest departmental store
7. He starts to use abusive language on you in front of others-his friends,your friends, etc
   
8. He hits you - even if its just a SLAP or a SLAM on the wall

Please don't :

1. Stay in the relationship just because he make it up to you after all the fights
2. Stay in the relationship just because your kids need a father - They will be so much better off without him
   
3. Stay in the relationship just because you have no options on where to run or what to do about your life

It's your life that you have to live with. Don't live in fear! Move out and start anew. Don't be the victim!!

And yes, after all the physical and verbal abuse my friend went through, she is now doing very fine without that fucker boyfriend. Please, leave before it's too late and Let this be a lesson for everyone to learn!!

Where Best Friends Are Made

My trip to Singapore last month was AWESOME. Went sight-seeing to so many places but ONE that will always remain fresh is the Build-A-Bear Workshop in Harbourfront, Vivo City. This place offers variety of teddy bears and stuffed animals. It's a retail store which allows you TO CREATE your own huggable companion. YES, you get to stuff your own furry friend. It features wide variety assortment of clothes and accessories designed for your new best friend.

Thylage and I got a teddy for my little sister for her birthday. They provide a few stations for the whole process of creating your best friend. These are the descriptions and some pictures taken during the whole process :

Station 1 : CHOOSE
You are to choose a furry friend to make. There's more than 30 varieties of them varying from different price. I chose the Pink Cuddles Teddy.




Station 2 : HEAR ME
You can let your furry friend do the talking by recording a Build-A-Sound message, or chose from pre-recorded sounds and songs. Super Amazing fact : They even have heart beat sound for your furry friend!!

Station 3 : STUFF ME
You select a heart, warm it in the palm of your hands, make a wish and put it inside your new furry friend. This would bring your furry friend to life and creates an unforgettable memory.



Station 4 : STITCH ME
Once your furry friend has been stuffed, hugged and given a heart, it's time to help stitch it up with the patented prelaced system. NO NEEDLES ARE USED.




Station 5 : FLUFF ME
Give your new friend the spa treatment and brush the fur




Station 6 : NAME ME
Name your furry friend and create a personalized birth certificate. This is also where your friend is registered in the Find-A-Bear ID tracking system that helps your lost furry friend to find their way back home.



Station 7 : DRESS ME
Personalize your friend with the clothes and accessories available. They even have undergarments for your friend. =)



Station 8 : TAKE ME HOME
You will walk out hand in paw with your new best friend in an exclusive Cub Condo carrying case.




Never in my life, I thought that people actually see furry friends as something precious. It's so touching to see and feel that very memorable moment that you're given a chance to actually create a life. =) =) I'm so touched!

** Some of the information are taken from the Build-A-Bear Workshop official website. **

How Many??

How many of you really mean what you say??

So much for saying "Take Care", do you really mean it?? Or has it been a formality to end a conversation??

How many of you have felt so provoked and dumbstruck that you have to act - being whom you really not??

How many of you have faked yourself and act all happy and excited when deep down you're so frustrated you are just about to break down??

So much for being sweet, how many of you have lied to your friends that they look super hot when the truth is they're not??

How many of you talk to your own self in public??

How many of you have helped a blind cross the road?

How many of you have helped an elderly stranger to carry his/her groceries??

How many of you have felt sorry for stray animals??

How many of you have talked to stray animals?

How many of you have corrected a wrong doing??

How many of you have scolded a random kid for littering regardless the parents laughing their ass off watching their kid being an uncivilized barbarian??

How many of you have struck the ultimate middle finger to a stranger just because you are pissed??

How many of you have offered hugs for strangers?

Ohh, how many???

o.O

SHE

...Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own

Everybody has a private world, Where they can be alone...

~Beautiful by Eminem~

Just exactly how She chose to be since the past few months. Decided to be on her own - without depending on any friends. It's not that She's dependent on them in any way-NO! SHE WAS NOT.

She realized that even with so many people around her, She felt so much alone. Even when She was out with people, She doesn't feel the company around her. She only felt the loneliness of being in a world of her own.

Hence, She self-deprive herself from everyone.The people whom She had known for ages, they became her acquaintance- heck, even strangers. She barely talks to anyone but herself and her family members. It doesn't bring her anywhere but to a self satisfaction that She don't have to have any hope and expectation towards people in any way. She saved herself from disappointment in many ways.

When She was in trouble, She know She can count on NOBODY but HER OWN SELF. She work her own way to get out of the trouble She gets in. She learn from the mistakes She did. She has more strength than She thought She had. She boost her self confidence by trying the new things she had always wanted to try.

Somehow, the loneliness still crept into her at times. Someone once told her that if She continues being the way She is, She will turn out to be a bitter old woman. There's no need reminders. She knew that all along. But She couldn't care less. She only thought - She'd rather be all alone anywhere on her own than to be surrounded by people and feel all alone deep inside her. Of course, what's the big difference? It may end up to the same thing but the impact on oneself differs in many ways.

She's so used to being lonely that it's the only thing that She can rely on nowadays. And all you thought was,"She's just trying to run away from her own problem." But looks like She's doing well so far. She knows She'll get there. And She'll see you when YOU get there.

And I,

Just Because

I came across a few interesting graphics while surfing the net. Such a coincidence it suits the presence well that I've been getting feedback about myself from others. I'm not in any way trying to prove myself for any reasons but I feel that I have to clarify some things. I guess, sometimes even the closest person to you doesn't know you at all, which is the reason why I say "I know myself the BEST!!"

• Just because I always talk against the male species, doesn't mean I hate them. It's their certain attitudes that piss the shit outta me.
• Just because I'm physically small, that doesn't make me a kid!
  
• Just because I'm not excited for all the good things that's happening to you, doesn't mean I'm not happy for you. I just can't fake myself to be all happy and excited when I'm having a bad day. That's just NOT ME.
• Just because I'm being pessimistic about every good thing you tell me, doesn't mean I want things to go bad for you. I'm just being PRACTICAL.
• Just because I keep quiet for every single thing you say, doesn't mean I lose to you in any way. I just feel it's not worth arguing with an asshole like you.
• Even if you're my closest friend, I may treat you different than my other friends. The truth is, I treat every single friend of mine DIFFERENTLY.
• The more you create drama and expect me to ask questions, the more I'll ignore you. So, stop seeking for attention/sympathy because you ain't getting any from me.
  

Memories Of YOU

It has been a year since I graduated. Time flies. It has been a long time since I saw my university friends and my other friends as well. Things changed eventually. Everyone got busy - I got busy. Work is killing each and everyone of us, and so is studies. Some of my friends pursued their studies in Masters and so on. Well, I got enough of studying and got myself a job and working my ass through it. =) =) Even in the busyness of life, I always thought and remember the times I had during school and university and even now. Those were the days! Those souls I got to know, are wonderful souls that have touched me profoundly than anyone ever could. I may have not kept in touch or tell you guys about how grateful I felt to have you in my life, so this goes out to :

Pavitra : My BFF! Opposites attracts - We are the proof!! Love you for all the good and bad times we had and the times that we're going to have in time to come. =)*

Bb : You're the funniest ever! You always have the HAPPY spirit and never failed to make me laugh, or at least, SMILE. =) Love you and remember, keep that HAPPY spirit if you want more certs from me!! Muakz!! =)*

Dumz : You're a Dummy but hey, I love you for being that. For the times I needed someone to talk to, for the times we spent, thank you!! You'll always be my Dummy Mummy! =)*

Krisha : For always being yourself, I love you! =)*

LiongCL : You'll always be the VERY BEST MALE FRIEND I've ever known!!! For the things you say and do, I truly cherish the moments. The tissue you handed me during class - I will never ever forget that!! Sweet! P/s : Will you marry me?? *shy*

Rat : Farqer! For being an understanding freak of nature, for being the reactionless, ignorant person to screw me when I did something wrong, I love you. It's a gift to know you and I cherish all the days we have spent. Love you =)*

Dinz : Thank you so much for always reminding the good side of me. Sorry for being an ass towards you, but that's just me, and you know it well! No matter how ignorant I am towards you, please remember : I just want you to be HAPPY, you're always close to my heart and you'll always be my buddy!! Love u! =)*

Val : You have thought me so many things about life. It's a never ending journey that teaches us day by day, second after second. You inspire me on being strong and determined. Love you so much! =)*

Maal my Darling : *Pat*Pat* My matchmaker =) Darling Maal, you always remind me that everyone has a child in them, only to be discovered by their own selves. You make my day, always!! Thank you for those happy moments after Hameed Pata. I felt happy after a very long time! =)* Love you!

Brainy aka Joe : We're so gonna take over the world!! For being bothered about what happens to me, thank you. For making me feel important, thank you. We are born sarcastic and we shall remain so to take over the world!! Our conversations has always been a sarcastically happy ones. Thank you for being such a great soul!! Looking forward to see you this weekend =)*

Kannan - Thank you for being a nice person. Thank you for being bothered about me even when I don't seem to be bothered about the world. Thanks for comforting me when I was in pain(I bet you called me at the wrong time). But I truly appreciate it. =)

Rani : It's a pleasure to know you. For all the things I have learnt from you, thank you. For all the fun times we had in SMC, will never ever forget it. Truly cherish those moments! Love you! =)*

If I had missed anyone in particular, I'm sorry. I would love to thank all of YOU for the memories, the time we spent and the moments we shared. You're always close to my heart. By the end of the day,

~~Everything just comes down to the Memories of YOU~~

Home Sweet Home

I was admitted for the past 3 days due to ear infection. Had some massive painful days with the blood taking attempts (Being pricked 4 times, and fixed with IV and being bleeded through it is not a nice experience at all )

My hand got swollen the following day and injection through it was massive HELL OF A PAIN. I admit, I cried my ass off to sleep (Thank God everyone was gone home by then). My hands are still swollen till now and I'm happily typing to glory. LoLz!

There's no place like home!! I realise this before I got myself admitted but I still feel I have to remind so many people about this whole truth! Many reasons :

1. At home, I'm able to take my daily "annual bath" in peace (though mum bangs on the door sometimes) regardless how long I take. In hospital, it's either the nurse is banging on the door, someone is there to visit me or my neighbour bed patient is banging on the door to use the washroom. *sigh*
   
2. At home, there's no one to wake my ass up in the wee hours to check on my blood pressure and temperature and inject antibiotics and torture me with my horribly swollen hand.
   
3. At home, I don't have to flip the TV1,TV2,TV3,NTV7,Tv8,ESPN(Heck, I barely watch these channels),Discovery,Vaanavil, Cartoon Network again and again, looking for what's worth watching.
   
4. At home,I don't have to get up 7am just to let the nurses change the bedsheets.
5. At home, I don't have to explain my condition to each and everybody again and again like how I explain to the attendants and cleaners whom ask me.
6. At home, I don't have to worry about both my darling phones dying off, as I can charge them anytime I want and let them ring happily instead of the STFU mode.
7. I don't have to limit my movements(due to the swollen hand and severe pain) and just lay on the bed, eating every 2-3 hours. Hospital food was AWESOME. Honestly, I liked all the food served. *Thumbs up*
8. Not seeing/driving Eva makes me go restless and insecure!! I felt I got my life back the moment I got home and set my eyes on Eva. =) =) *Awwwww*
   

The whole hospital stay was not a bad experience, though I faced with so much of pain. The nurses were awesome. They were so friendly and considerate, massaging my hands everytime they were giving me injections, asking my progress though they've already have the progress report by the doctor. Such sweeties!! I really felt like I was home, but for some issues mentioned above =) =)

I'm glad I'm home. That's for sure!! The next 1 week will determine wether I'll be going back for admission or not. =(
*Keeping my fingers crossed*

These are for the 7B ward nurses : Thank you ladies!! For making me feel at home!! =)


glitter-graphics.com

Till It's Gone

Been attending funerals every now and then since last month. Everyone's dying. That's pretty (VERY) scary!! Leela's dad passed away on 29th May. My neighbour passed away 2 weeks ago. A relative of mine passed away last week. A family friend passed away today. As the saying goes, "You won't know what you had till it's gone", I truly believe people came up with such thing because of the reality of it. It reflects how much we take people or things for granted, not appreciating and totally ignoring their presence.

I felt so shattered by the passing of Leela's dad. It was so sudden and totally unexpected. I bet that's what death is all about. It was very devastating for me to picture myself in Leela's position. I felt the fear of losing the ones that I love. It scares me more when my Mum goes "We're getting old" and Dad replies,"Don't worry about getting old. Think about how long we'll be alive" =(

When MJ died, people started to say good things about him. How a legend he is and all that. When he was alive, he was accused on so many issues and talked bad about. A lot of people loathe him. I'm not denying the fact that he was a troubled man but, such clear hypocrisy can be seen. You talk bad about a person one moment and the next moment, you turn into all angel. We never tend to appreciate everyone around us. We take them for granted until they're gone and then we realise it's been too late.

I'm not saying we have to fake ourselves and be all too nice towards people. I'm just asking why is it only when a person is dead, we tend to realise their contributions and values in our lives. Is it because the person is no more to contribute anything? Or is it because you really feel that the person has impacted your life in many ways and it was just too late for you to realise it??

We make fun of people's death just because we don't know them in person. Once it involves our family members or anyone we knew personally, it becomes a serious issue. How ignorant can we be?? The dead person can be someone's mom, dad or even a friend. A close friend of mine laughed at the passing of her very own uncle, just because she wasn't really attached to him. In fact, she even made fun of the way he died and I remember screwing her up for being so mean. When her very own dad died, it was a total different emotion. She was very upset and all(Of course, it was her father who died) but why would you make fun of someone's death?? This, is a very simple example of how people take death of others for fun until it hits them rite back!

Too many things to think about. Why regret not appreciating a person so close to your heart when he/she is still alive?? Treat them well now itself. At least try your level best to treat them right. Appreciate. Confess your love. Tell them how much you respect/adore them. At the end of the day,it's the thought that counts...

How Rude Are You?

How many of us actually think we are rude?? Most of us (80%), according to a survey, claim that we are not rude at all. But, do you know that 90% of people are actually rude?? Maybe we just don't realise that we are being rude at that point of time. There are two type of rudeness :

a)Focused - where we are being rude on purpose
b)Unfocused - where we don't realise we are being rude, which is not on purpose.

Many of our daily acts are considered rude. It may not seem to be rude for us but it is for some people. I do admit that I'm extremely rude at times but somehow I find these acts rude.

1. Burping on people's face without even saying "Excuse Me"
2. Clipping finger nails in public (Eewww Disgusting!!)
   
3. Whistle to call a waiter/waitress
4. Smoking in public even when you know the person next to you is suffocating
   
5. Cutting lanes in traffic without giving a signal (.l.)
   
6. To talk in a language that the third person could not understand in a conversation - I get the point that you don't want the third person to know what you're talking about, but heck, it's simply RUDE!!
   
7. To let your kids run around a restaurant and scream their lungs off (It's not only rude, but it's farqing annoying)
8. Stealing a parking lot when you know there's another person waiting to park on that lot
9. Taking your own sweet time to get your car out of parking lot when you know there's another car waiting to park on that lot
   
10. Cutting queues - Just wait for your damn turn will you??
    
11. Using the handphone to chat/sms when you're having a serious conversation, face to face with someone
    
12. Talking on the phone while you're on the cashier counter, without bothering the cashier and the others waiting in line
13. Walking while people are sweeping or mopping the floor(All I feel like doing is hitting you with the broom/mop stick)
    
14. Standing in the midway while two person is having a conversation
15. When you want a person to do something for you, NEVER raise up your voice.

There might be more. Just cant seem to think much. A short post after a long time. Inspired by Oprah Winfrey Show.

This Is For You

Graduates

Congratulations dearest Thylage for your graduation on 20th April 2009. Finally, it's all done!!
Today's post is going to be all about Thylage.

I've known Thylage all my life. We grew up together. The very 1st time I saw her, she was wearing a farqing ugly PINK sweater. I was practically about 5 years of age. We had a great childhood which we think that none of our younger siblings or other cousins will ever have. We spent most of our time playing Barbie, Masak-masak, Acilot Duduk, Acilot Sembunyi, Bola Cabak, Guli and too many other games. Our evenings were always spent with Granpa, where we would comb his partially bald head and then walk hand-in-hand with Araz(My Bro) to Ah Choo Aunty's shop to get our ice - creams, Umbrella - shaped Chocolate and Mamee. Though my dad didn't like us eating those junks, we always manage to get it somehow because Granpa said "They're kids still, let them be happy" =) =)

When we started schooling, Thylage moved out. We didnt really spent much time together but once the school holidays starts, you can already see her at my place on the very same day the school ended. =P So, our school holidays were spent as usual, playing, playing, playing and playing. And we never missed a day without going to the beach. The beach was our hang out spot. We made fun of all the rubbish we found at the beach, had fun poking the dead jellyfish and creating "tanah runtuh"(landslides). And we still do wish we could live our childhood again and again as we had so much fun.

As we grow, we taught each other. We learn things together. We went shopping together. We always had the very same thing. There's nothing that I have, that Thylage doesn't have. and there's nothing that Thylage has that I don't. We wore the same bloody clothes everywhere we went. People even questioned whether we were twins. It was all fun. And we do practice the same thing up to now. Whenever I buy any clothes, I make sure I'll get 2 of it. One for me and the other for her.

It wasn't all happiness though. As we grew, she became an irritating ass for me. Don't ask why. It just turned out to be like that. Somehow, I grew out of it. And we clicked again, after we started using the Internet. We chat everyday and things are like how it used to be back then. We talk and share about every single thing we think about. The best part, we think alike too. When we're going out, we end up wearing the same thing,without planning. And once, a psycho manager from TGIF asked, "Did you both planned to wear the same thing??" *LoLz*

Thylage is an outspoken introvert. She listens most of the time. She rarely gives comments unless you ask her to. She helped and guided me through my depression period. She's always been there. We did have our arguments, ups and downs but we somehow manage to solve it by our own. She was once a person I hate to the max but now, She's someone I prioritize the most in my life. She's the best of all!! Irreplaceble!

Congratulations again, Thylage!! I'm very proud of you!! For all the moments we shared,laughed and cried about, and for the upcoming days, *CHEERS*

Love you Loads! Muakz!



Thylage & Me At Teluk Bahang Dam


Thylage & Me In Saree


Thylage & Me In Butterfly Farm

A New Start

Remember her?? I visited her last weekend and she's doing all great! She's going to school in May. She's still undergoing treatment and routine checkups but she's getting better day by day. So much better from the last time I saw her. She's much more active, consuming food, and most of all, she's doesn't look ill.

=) =) =)

One In A Million

Today, 2nd of March, marks the third death anniversary of my dearest buddy, Nor Fadzilah Md Hassan aka Badut. To think of it, how time flies! It has been 3 years since the passing and it's still so hard to accept the reality that she's gone.

I've got to know Fadzilah in high school. We got really close throughout random conversations in class and we were practically in the same class up to Form 6,sitting side by side, always on the first front row. We took up music class and hated it to the max, named almost each and every places and not forgetting people in school, with weird names. There was once in Form 2, for Moral subject, I did a plantation project and Fadzilah called my plantation site a "Grave", which is supposed to be mine! We spent of our recess time eating smuggled food from the canteen, sitting on "My Grave", talking about all the things in the world. We even named an ant-hill over a politician just because his name is hilariously funny. We've screamed "Aku ada kat London!!", seeing the leaves from the Neem tree shed.

Even though we met in school every single day, we wrote letters to each other like almost everyday. There's just so many things to talk (write) and share about. Every single letter written by her comes with quotes and proverbs that has helped me all throughout my life. I've been keeping every single letter written by her up till now. Each time I read them, it brings a smile in me, feeling grateful that I have known a great soul, though it was only for a short period of time.

Fadzilah has always been there to cheer me up whenever I was down. For the times I cried over silly things, she was there, just to make fun of the whole thing, making me laugh my ass off. She never talked about any of her family issues as she thinks that it's a way of bringing your own family down. Believe it or not, after being her friend for about 6 years, only then I got to know that her mother is almost partially blind. She was the only child in her family, whom loved her grandmother dearly. The funniest thing is, she calls her father "Tan Tan" which she herself doesn't know why or where she got that name from.

Form 6 was great with Fadzilah and I sitting together, just like how we did the years before. We talked about so many things - about our lower secondary times, her senile grandmother who always waits for the "tongkang"(a big boat) to get downhill, the male species and her all time favourite "Yerembe Tale"(Ant's head in Tamil), which she refers to her neighbour. And yes, she spoke fluent Tamil as she learned it by talking to her neighbour(The Ant's Head).

She was the one to help me to mail S almost daily when my internet modem died. She has always kept her ears open to listen to every single shit that I say, no matter what ever it is about. For all the things she said and done, I can never be thankful enough. We weren't really the smart students while schooling. In fact, we're always the holder of the last 2 positions in class after each and every exam. We just find it funny as we're inseparable. The fact that we were the last in class never bothered us. But, Fadzilah had her own talent in debate. She had represented our school on national level and she even came out on TV. I was so proud of it but she was not as she claimed she looked like a clown due to the heavy blushers on her cheek and it was a public embarassment it seems. *LoLz* That's where her nickname "Badut"(clown) came from.

I can go on and on about all the moments and fun we had. So much of memories to be cherished. For all the happiness she spread around her, for all the times we had spent throughout school years, I am really grateful that she's one of my best buddy. It hurt so much to lose a best friend, without knowing the real cause of death, without knowing what had happened, without being able to say final goodbye for good, and the worst part of all, without even getting to pay the last respect for her, on this very same day, 3 years ago.

But, no matter what, she will always be close to my heart and I've got this written in one of Fadzilah's letters and I would dedicate this to her..

"Sahabat sepertimu seribu di dunia tetapi pekertimu hanya satu..dan dia ialah mu.."